Is the behavior normal or ....

[Mistigri]

Hello, my daughter just turned 4 on July 9th. We are raising her in a bilingual environment. She is quite smart I think ( she recognizes most of the alphabet in both language, knows the numbers from 1 to 18 in both language, knows all the colors in both language, knows all the shapes in both languages etc...) But most of the time, she doesn't seem to be there... I mean, let's say she does something bad, I will ask her why she had did it and she can't explain herself, most of the time she will just start to laugh, or sing a song, or goes in her world and play a role or a scene of a movie/show... She refuse to listen to orders like ex: Don't touch this, I can say it 10 times, explaining why, tell her she will go in time out etc... she will just do it anyway.. and the same situation can happen 20 times in the days and it's like if she didn't understand at all that I was saying no.. or to not do it etc... ( Hard to explain )
She can say many words, makes sentences if it includes things, but when it comes to express or understand feelings .... she is completly clueless...

I finally got her potty train for day time about 6 months ago.. and night time about 1 month ago.. she still has accidents but it's not too frequent now...

She also has a lot of meltdowns or tantrums and doesn't quite seems to understand "time", even if I will just say LATER.... she doesn't seem to get it... we tried couting time, putting a timer, showing her the numbers on a digital clock, she still don't want to "wait", she can say "Drink drink drink drink drink etc.. over and over and over, and will continue to say it even if we put her in time out or ignoring her..... She keep saying she is the QUEEN and will not listen to us...

She also seems to have trouble to understand that other have their own way of doing things, exemple, if I am sit on the bed and one of my leg is hangning, she will always ask me to put both legs on the bed, will even try to force it with her hands... We got a dog recently, and we try to make her understand that the dog is like us, like a friend, if he wants to be in his corner and sleep, she has to leave him be, if he plays with something, to let him play with to not take his things away (Which she apparently had problems too sometimes at daycare), She doesn't like it if we do it to her to explain, but 2 seconds after she will redo the same action with the dog or us or friends....

We can spend alot of times explaining to her why to not do something or yes to do something, but how hard we try, she will redo the same actions 2 seconds later or as we explain it.... it's like if something was not happening in her head, like if the connection wasn't there ...

It is not only with us, she used to go in daycare and my daycare provider often was telling me that she seemed to be way behind in her development, even mention that maybe she would have ADHD.....

Somebody else mentioned a form of Autism...

She also still has a tendancy to put many things in her mouth, including books, pens,crayons, etc....

It goes deeper than that but.. I think I wrote enough..

Since May I am full time mom, as per I thought I could spend some quality time with her before she starts school in September as well as working more on her her behaviour but... Nothing seems to work and I am at the end of my wits, I have daily melt downs, everybody around me tells me she is normal and that she will grow out of it.... I have trouble finding a pediatrician and even a family doctor that will take us, 3 years I'm in Ontario and tried to applied to 5  different doctors, got a screening over the phone for 3 doctors and told me since she has no physical problem that they will not take her, to only goes into walk in... and I met 2 doctors in person, spend 1 hour answering questions about me, my family history and my daughter... and been told if I was chosen I would receive a call, and never been called back....

Don't know where to go to have her screened for ADHD or other behaviour/development problems...

Sorry if it was that long......

Hope I can get some answers

[suzi-q]

I think you have the right forum.  Maybe, however, you are looking for the doctor forum.  However, I am a teacher and have taught kindergarten.  Many of her behaviors seem very normal.  And she does seem quite bright!  Most children at this age cannot answer the "why" question.  They have no idea why they do what they do, they just do it.  It is a very difficult concept to understand for them.  Because they can't answer they try to divert the attention to the singing, dancing, talking..etc.  Kindergarten kids when asked the question why usually give me a blank stare.  It is just something they can't do yet.  As far as the other behaviors, it just seems to me that she is stubborn and needs more discipline.  Keep using time out and do it again and again until she gets the picture.  Of course if you have such concerns of course bringing her to a doctor to check it out is always the best thing to do.  Best to you!

[Mistigri]

Sorry thought it was in another forum... diregard this post ROFL