Is this normal?

[MrsBertrand]

Ok so I have to beautiful girls, one is 6 the other is 9, the 9 yr old is my step daughter, and no I am not one of those people that treat one better than other, or do for one an not the other, but I feel like my husband does.....we only get to see my step daughter on the weekends or whenever her mother allows us too, but when she is here everything changed for instance our rules for my 6 yr old are, no tv at bedtime, you eat what's on your plate for dinner or you don't eat at all, if your going to throw a fit or not play nice your nose goes on the wall!!!
Now I do understand that my step daughter does not live with us an she has different rules at her home, but I feel like she knows that she has daddy wrapped around her finger, because when she is here she lives off of pancakes and cereal which I do not agree with we eat pretty healthy , and it hurts when my daughter is told to eat what was made but my other daughter gets whatever she wants, every time I try to talk to my husband about it we end up in an argument......No clue on what to do!!!!

[MrsBertrand]

I guess it just it hurts me more now than ever because me and my husband are now having a baby boy together which is our first boy

[Sandman2]

    I agree with Specialmom, if you can't get daddy on your side - then its pretty much a waste of your time to worry.
    One thing to keep in mind.  The child is only 9 and is used to a certain behavior pattern at least 5 days a week.  To change behavior's it takes a lot of constant, immediate reinforcement.  You don't have the gift of time to do that.  When she is older, yes - behavior can change much faster.   Food wise, I would offer the healthier foods, but not be surprised if not taken up on them.  It is not easy to change eating habits.  

[specialmom]

Oh, I misunderstood your post.  Well, really, I think you have things to work out with her dad more than anything.  Can he be open to talking about parenting 'together' his older child?

[MrsBertrand]

I've never punsished her though not once, I don't punish for not eating, or anything like that, an I do make things for my step daughter that I know she likes chicken plain, steak ect...... I went to punish her one time years ago, for shoving our cat in the toilet.....which did not go well with my husband so I have not done it since.....

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, to me, this sounds like an issue between you and your husband rather than you and his daughter.

I personally would tread lightly with her.  You sound pretty authoritarian and it's probably not a great thing for you to be placing her nose on the wall (especially for not enjoying what you've made her for dinner).  

It's hard to blend families.  And it sounds like you and your husband have much work to do to be team.  Focus on that, getting more on the same page.  good luck