My Grandaughter is going to be 16. She lies, and steals from family members. Becomes angry and violent easily. Has attacked every member of her family but her dad. Is surly and defiant. Acts as if every posession in the house is hers personally to do with what she chooses. Sometimes she takes things just to prove her point or to punish someone that angers her. She has trouble letting any adult touch her. She visably pulls away when you try to give her a hug. It's better if you ask first if you can touch her though. She is a vegetarian and has been for 3 yrs now. Could this have anything to do with her behavior? What should be done to help her?
"She is a vegetarian and has been for 3 yrs now." - I doubt it very much. I expect you are dealing with a mood and/or emotional disorder. Has your granddaughter been "seen" by a mental health specialist? I believe the first place to start is by a visit to your granddaughter's family physician - he/she should be better able to guide and help her.
I agree with jdtm, the best thing to do is see the family physician. I doubt very much if being a vegetarian has any bearing on her behaviour. How long has she been exhibiting this kind of behaviour? Out of interest could it be in any way tied in to her monthly cycle?
Gran, it really depends on her history. If she's always had a reasonably comfortable and secure life, without a lot of chaos, and she's always been like this although the rest of her family behaves normally, then some kind of emotional or psychiatric disability is a possibility.
If she's been abused, sexually assaulted, abandoned, subjected to violence and chaos, this may just be a normal reaction to her environment.
,She is acting out and it would be better at this age for her be seen by a councillor her behavior suggests this.I doubt if being a Vegetarian would cause this ,perhaps you could get some help for her or suggest it to your Son, why is he the only one she hasnt attacked? and why did she attack the others, how do they behave towards her, are they kind or has there been any Bullying or Teasing from siblings.There is some problem here in the Family interaction, perhaps she could talk to someone out side the Family.
Her family is by no means perfect. Of course there is some bullying and teasing. She has two older brothers and a younger sister. She has seen several doctors and has been hospitalized on one occasion for three days. They said they needed her to be there longer for a diagnosis but the insurance would not pay for it. She started having these problems before her monthly cycle started. She has claimed that she was sexually assaulted, but when further questioned by the proper authorities she has withdrawn the complaint. This has happened 3 times leaving her family more devistated and confused as far as how to help her. As far as not attacking her father, she either fears him or respects him too much to go there I guess.
More about the family dynamics. I always thought her oldest brother was particularly mean to her. He is out and on his own now. Gone from the area. The second brother is very laid back and sweet natured but when provoked will give as good as he gets. Her younger sister is eight years younger,so I doubt she creates too much trouble for her. Nothing she can't handle I'm sure. Her mom is stressed, angry, and confused. Her dad is strict, but not overly so with the kids although he used to be more so. I think everyone is at the end of there rope. We wanted her to come live with us because we thought it would cool things off and give everyone a break, but her dad feels she is too unstable for that. This is so hard for us to understand because she has never been anything other than kind and respectful to us. They say when we are around she is totally different. We have seen her act out once, so we can see that the possibility for her being extremely difficult is there.
i'm a bit suspicious of the father... he won't let her come to you, and he's the only one she won't attack. any chance he could have influenced her to withdraw her complaint? something's not right there... i just can't understand why he won't let her stay with you for a bit when she seems ok there. it's as if he fears he can't have his control of her there...
Your grandaughter needs to be able to speak to someone regarding her feelings about this , children do often with draw any accusations by the way ,even if they are true,you have cared enough for her to come for answers to us, take it further and see what is going on and get help for her.
The only reason her dad won't let her come stay is because he is worried about our safety. He is affraid she will turn on us if she doesn't get her way. He had originally wanted her to come stay very much,but he told her it wouldn't be till Christmas because she is in the process of having her teeth straighten and won't be done till around Christmas with her braces. She wanted to come now and told both her parents if they didn't let her she would make their lives hell.
To Margypops. I wish I could. She lives several states away from us. I feel deep down that someone has done something to her. She has accused a family aquaintance, a cousin, and her oldest brother. Each time she has withdrawn the accusation when pressed for details. Just don't know what to think.
Gran, I TOTALLY agree with your feeling that someone has abused her. I totally agree. Someone, and she's afraid to name who. For whatever reason.
I don't understand why she can't come be with you just because she has braces. I have a son with braces and it wouldn't occur to me to not let him go stay with grandparents if he was in the kind of crisis this girl is in especially since she's begging to come live with you. Would a nasty disgruntled for no reason teenager want to leave town to live with grandma and grandpa? No.
I don't think you're in danger from her at all. I think they're secretly afraid she'll do well there at your house, and will tell whatever secrets she's hiding.
Best wishes. I think your intuition is 100% dead on.
Hard to say what is going on but she needs to go through a psychological assessment. May be hard to get her to do that but I think she needs too.
She does sound like she could have some bi-polar tendencies. Surf the internet for personality disorders and see what bests fits her.
But she really needs to be assessed to get the proper help evaluation and treatment.
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