Just starting to see child psychologist. Some concerns?

[SARA234]

Our 10 yr child is shy at school, socially backward although not with us or with siblings. This shyness has caused some difficulty in obtaining good grades, being able to keep up with his peers, going to the board, raising hand in class. Ped thinks he's ok as is. School testing doesnt indicate lds. School suggested we see a psychologist to see if anything was going on. Into a few visits now with a psychologist & noticed the child is becoming uncomfortable enroute and on the way home from the visits. We asked 'hows that going' and got an unexpected response. Our child told us that the psychologist asked what his parents did to make him feel bad about himself? When he said he couldnt think of anything the psychologist did not move on. Is this normal, business as usual questioning? What should we expect next? We think we should talk to the psychologist about this but are we even supposed to know? Our son asked us to stay in the room during the next visit although he didnt elaborate. We will if it makes him comfortable. We're not mean or abusive, just looking to help the little guy with shyness. Any ideas appreciated. Thanks!

[kumo17]

I actually haven't taken my son to see a psychologist, but I am considering it.  Lately I have been noticing my 4yr old boy seems to be having some socialization problems.  I'm not sure as this is my first, but recently I have been taking him to group activities and he has been alarmingly withdrawn and sometimes cruel to the children he interacts with.  As an example I have been taking him to a local swim class.  He is the only child that does not participate in any of the activities and when the other children try to help him out or just want to be his friend he pushes them away with a resounding "no!".  I have taken into account that he just doesn't like getting associated with the water with out the comfort of his floaties.  There are other concerns besides this one that troubles me.  Normal disciplinary actions seem to have no affect.  I have tried timeouts, positive reinforcement, taking priviledges away and regretfully-spankings as a last resort.  I believe I have followed through with each approach.  I've read a few "diciplining your toddler books" but to no avail.  He is a pretty smart guy in comparison to children his age, so I think he is right on target.  He can also be very loving and considerate to all his family members, especially his 5month old baby sister(he isn't the least bit jealous!Amazing!).  He isn't violent, just stubborn sometimes and will be vocal about something he doesn't agree with.I need to find a new approach, I truly believe I need a unique approach and that is where I wonder if I should see a psychologist to help out with some ideas, and yes I've considered the fact that I am the problem and I need to see this from another persons perspective.  Input from this forum would be wonderful.  I just want to help my boy be the best person he can be.  Am I being overly paranoid about this?

[sams mom]

When looking for help from proffessionals always ask how many years of practice has they had? How long he has study hes had with your childs problem? Like with other families? what are his suggestions on the case, because a lot of doctors are always looking to blame someone when they can't find a problem. Im living proof of that. Oh the one great question: How long have you been working with children in this field? If he makes feel uncomforteble you have the right to choose another. Like the Doctor said get a second opinion don't be satisfied with just one.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It's fine that you've become aware of the exchange between your son and the psychologist. It's also fine to ask about it. Here's my speculation (obviously I don't know for sure) about what is occurring. Children who display avoidant or phobic behavior in social situations often have cognitions (thoughts, perceptions) that have to do with self-criticism, fear of criticism, fear of disapproval, etc. Children with this condition are often overly sensitive to even normal parental (or teacher) reprimands. They tend to react by feeling badly about themselves, thinking they're bad, etc., even when no such intention was in the mind of the parent. My guess is that the question was not meant to imply that you, as parents, actually went out of your way to do anything that makes your son feel bad about himself. Rather, the question may well have been directed toward what your son perceived in your behavior. As an example, let me point to a child who was in my office the other day. He's 10 years old and socially phobic. During the week his mother had reminded him to clean his room. He reacted with guilt, going to his room and essentially giving himself a 'time out' because, in his mind, he was bad for not having completed the chore of cleaning his room. Now, his mother had not done anything unreasonable - it was his reaction that was the problem. This sort of scenario is pretty typical of socially phobic or avoidant children.