Kids sexually stimulating themselves?

My husband told me he has recently walked in our 15 year old boy (my biological son, his adopted son) with his pants down trying to get the dog to do things to him. Also, I have had suspicions that my 7 year old daughter was playing with herself in bed at night. I am sure of it now. I went in her room after she was asleep last night to check on her, and she had fallen asleep with a crayola marker in her hand under her panties. I'm sick and worried to death. I don't know how to handle this.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Anonymous,

The behavior of your fifteen-year-old is unusual and definitely demands some attention professionally. Now, it's perfectly normal for a teen of this age to be experiencing sexual urges and to be marturbating or enjoying some form of sexual stimulation (it's often a time when parents see their sons viewing provocative magazines, for example).

However, to pursue sexual gratification with an animal is not within the boundaries of normal. It would make sense to schedule an appointment with a psychologist, clinical social worker or psychiatric nurse who specializes in the treatment of adolescents, and for you and your husband to talk with your son about his behavior and your concern about it (be sure to speak in a sensitive and accepting way, not angry/punitive). Tell him you've made an appointment with a clinician who can help him with this aspect of being a teen.

Relative to your daughter, her behavior, too, deserves attention. While some interest in her genitals is not at all unusual, masturbation at her age is not really very common, and inserting objects into her vagina can, of course, pose a significant problem. Please talk with her about this.

I don't want to inject a reason for alarm, but I would not be acting responsibly if I didn't tell you that the sorts of behavior you are describing sometimes typify teens and children who have been mistreated sexually or who have been exposed to sexual behavior. Please include this possibility in your thoughts.