Kindergartener on Zoloft

[2gs1bmom]

My 5 year old daughter just started Kindergarten last week.  She has an older sister at the same school and she was sooo excited about going to school.  The first day was great but went down hill from there.  The 2nd day she cried about half the time and the 3rd through 5th day she actually vomitted and cried.  She says she likes school, likes her teacher, and likes the other kids but she misses her mommy.  She has "tried to not cry" but it just has to come out.  Of course, with this she also has a tummy ache every day.  We tried to be nice at first and reassure her but by the end of the week we told her that she just has to go, it's not a choice, and she can cry or be happy but she is still going.  The teacher finally toughened up on her and just told her if she was going to vomit she better do it in the trash can and not get her clothes dirty because she wasn't calling mommy that day.  She still got sick but did it in the trash can and then was fine.  The last two hours of school were great.  (She only goes for 3 hours in the morning).
On a friends suggestion we took her to the doctor just to rule out a sinus infection or something we missed that actually was making her feel sick.  Of course, the doctor said it was just anxiety and we could keep doing what we were doing and eventually she would get over it or we could put her on a low dose of Zoloft to help her get through the first month or so.  We decided to do the Zoloft a lot for our own peace of mind and family stress from all of this but also to save her the embarrasment and stress.  We decided maybe she just can't stop and the harder she tries the more it backfires.  Of course, my thought is that I am living in this nightmare and even I think it is crazy for a Kindergartener to have to take Zoloft just to go to school.  She went to preschool for two years with minimal seperation anxiety.  She is a bright smart little girl who can already read and can do the same math problems that her second grade sister brings home.  She is a drama queen and a comedian and I just can't believe that she really needs this.  Of course, it didn't stop us from giving it to her if it helps.  What do you think?  Should we just give it to her and ween her off in a month or so, or should we have not started it at all?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is really no need to give her the medication. You have been handling the situation exactly as you should, and you can see there has been some progress. The teacher, too, is doing precisely the right thing. This sort of separation anxiety is not unusual, and the key variable is managing it correctly. There is very little risk in giving her the medicine (it will have the result of reducing her anxiety a bit), but it's really not necessary.

[2gs1bmom]

How long can I expect her to act like this and what do you think is normal?  She was fine all weekend and started whining tonight about tomorrow. I plan to just ignore her tomorrow and tell her if she doesn't want to go then stay home but mommy and daddy could get in trouble for her staying home.  I am just soo fed up with this nonsense from her and don't know how to control my emotions enough to deal with her.  Maybe I need the Zoloft (ha ha )

[lmroswell]

Our two daughters just started at a new elementary school, 1st and 3rd grades.  First day, no problem.  Second day through the end of the second week, my oldest cried the whole way to school (12 miles :().  Both cried some during the day.  I was sympathetic with them, but firm.  Even had calls and notes from both teachers.  What broke the cycle for us was that instead of mom taking them to school, dad did.  And a little bribery, too.  They were rewarded with one of their favorite outings, if no crying for a week.  It was a huge adjustment for both of them, they are now attending a public school v. small private.  Things are so different for them.  I almost thought I should write for help here, but it has gotten so much better.  I am sure it will with you, too.

[2gs1bmom]

Thanks for your input.  Yes, it is finally getting better. She was just so scared and then she started throwing up.  Then she didn't want to go because she was scared to throw up.  Monday she cried for 15 minutes and then threw up.  Tuesday she cried for 10 minutes and didn't get sick.  Today she said, I think I can do it and SHE DID.  She didn't cry at all and had a great day.  I guess children are all just different and things that seem normal to most kids are traumatic to others.  The thing that worked today was that her cousin invited her to a sleep over Friday evening.  I told both of the girls that they could not go because the youngest couldn't even go to school for 3 hours without crying.  She thinks she wants to spend the night at her cousin's so she didn't cry at school.  Go figure that one out.

[rcw]

Hi.  I wrote in last school year with the exact problem you are having.  Your letter describes my daughter to the T.  My daughter is in first grade now, very smart.  Last year she was very excited to go to school the first day, but after three hours of school starting,I received a phone call that my daughter was sick and to come pick her up.  Picking her up was Mistake No. 1.  Through most of the school year from then on, she would not dress, she would vomit in the mornings, complained her stomach hurt, cried.  Of course, she was not willing to even try to eat breakfast.  She lost weight.  On the second or third day of the school calling me to pick her up, I told them I did not think it was a good idea because she would never adjust.  They had me come sit in her class for a week - Mistake No. 2.  What we finally started doing in the morning was having the assistant principal meet us at my car in the morning at the parent drop-off line.  He would walk her to class.  Of course, she would throw up while walking to or through the building, but when she finally understood that she was going to school no matter what, plus she now had the same routine, she improved with no more vomiting and much less crying.  The point is, to keep the parent out of the school so she's not relating her classroom to her parent.  Your child is going to have to have someone in the school she will feel comfortable with and who will be patient with her, because just like you said and my daughter said the same thing, she doesn't want to feel sad or throw up, but she had so much separation anxiety, the vomiting and emotions just took control of her.  She loves to learn.  She had a wonderful teacher.

This year in first grade, at the open house, I talked to the nurse in the school and told her about my daughter and let her know that if my daughter comes to the nurse's office, that she was not to call me to pick her up, that I was only to pick up my daughter if she had a temperature, that my daughter could stay in the nurse's office as long as it took for her to calm down and go back to class.  I know this sounds horrible, but your child needs to understand that Mommy cannot come pick her up when she is not sick.  The sooner the child knows this, the sooner she will adjust and be happy in school. My daughter has made friends with some nice little girls in her class and does enjoy being at school, but she still wants to cling a little bit in the morning but does get out of the car.

What is working so far this year is I am having her father get her ready for school.  The only thing I do is drive her to school.  This takes me out of the loop, thereby avoiding me feeling like I am in a turmoil.  I am able to stay calm.  We are having a very nice woman in the office meet my daughter at the car in the parent drop-off line again.  This is a woman who also met us at the car last year when the assist. principal was unable to, so she's a familiar face to my daughter.  My daughter did throw up the first day but has been fine since.

I do take her 45 minutes before school starts so that she is in the classroom before most of the students.  I believe this also helps my daughter.  It gives her extra time to get herself situated and seated and ready for class.  She helps the teacher before school starts.  She loves helping.  Also the teacher is able to greet her and give her the extra attention to make my daughter feel comfortable.

I did talk to my daughter's pediatrician when she was in kindergarten.  He prescribed Zantac for her stomach.  I can't say that was the answer.

I know you don't want to hear this, but after Christmas or any long break, even after a weekend, the first couple of mornings may not go very well, but keep the same routine.  Definitely do not keep your child home.  That is only letting her know that you may give in in the future and only prolongs her making the adjustment.  When my daughter would tell me she doesn't feel well, I would tell her, "I will take your temperature.  If you have a temperature, you can stay home.  If not, you go to school."  There were times she wanted her temperature taken, but she knew the rules.

It sounds like your child is doing much better.  I wish you good luck.  Whatever you do, stay calm.  I know this is very difficult to do.  Get help from your school as soon as possible if things get worse again.  You could even show them this letter if you wanted to.

The things that helped:  

1.  Get someone from the school who you can trust to walk your child to class.  Don't go in the school.  

2.  Don't give in.  Let her know she is going to school unless she is actually sick.  

3.  Don't pick her up from school early unless she is actually sick.

Good Luck!