Learning disability child with anger issue

[topomom]

I have a 8 yr old son that has a learning disability. He is in 4th grade but his reading is at a 3rd grade level and his math at a 2nd grade level. He has a tough time expressing himself verbally and when he cant express himself he gets very frustruated and very upset to the point were he just shuts down. The doctors did not diagnose him with ADHD. As he gets older he has trouble controling his anger and when he gets in trouble he will cry and tell me that something inside of him that he cant explain tells him to do bad things and he cant control himself. He also has lowself steem and when he gets in trouble he will start saying that he is dumb and a bad kid. The teacher talked to me today and she said that he will say not nice things to her when he gets mad and he will not listen to her. I talked to my son and he tells me the same thing over and over again, all he says is that he just cant control his anger and that he is sorry. His bio dad has anger issues and he was very abusive mentally and physically. He has not seen his dad in about 4 years and now I am remarried and live in a very peaceful home with my husband and my son. What can I do to help my son? Should I take him to a counselor or can his anger be more from his learning disability and his frustruation? Please help.

[specialmom]

I agree on the age issue.  My son will be turning 8 when he is in the SECOND grade (he is 7 and in first and is middle of the pack for age).  

My son has sensory integration disorder.  Part of the sensory system is an area called modulation/regulation.  This is the area that controls how we self soothe and when out of sync can create quite a volatile kid.  They go from 0 to 10 quickly and have a hard time calming down once there.  

Kids with sensory can also look like they have add/adhd as both of these disorders are similar and are part of the nervous system.  Focus can be quite hard for a child with add/adhd as well as sensory.  It has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence.  But learning can be hard because of the sensory stimuli in the classroom or elsewhere can make it difficult to do what needs to be done.  Then frustration sets in and any regulation issues  a child has causes them to explode or melt down.  Little things can also be affected like fine motor control.  Hand writing can be a source of great frustration for kids in early elementary years.  Also, my son can have trouble organizing his thought--------  this REALLY frustrates him.  He can become quite agitated.  

I agree too that if something is hard, kids often react by avoiding it.  Homework can be an example.  

So, Sandman asks a good question------------ when and how was your son's diagnosed, what are you doing to treat it and does he have an IEP?

Also, activity is a wonderful help to kids like your son (and mine).  Make sure he is doing lots of physical activity---------- every single day regardless of the weather or schedule.  His nervous system needs it to stay regulated better.  good luck

[benjimom]

Sounds to me like extremely low frustration tolerance. My son who is six has sensory processing disorder and his frustration tolerance is low too and he will get mad and sometimes he says horrible things to me.  I don't think he means them, but I don't know if he has any other way.  I try to take a time out and make him realize it was not nice and that I am there to help him.  A lot of kids when something is too hard for them, they shut down, it's avoidance of the issue.  

Give us more info.  I Hope things get better and we are all here to try to help!!

[Sandman2]

   Darn, I just realized my first question to you should have been, "when is his birthday"?  And I assume that you are in the US?

[Sandman2]

   First, if you got the age and grade level correct he is extremely young for his grade level.  At that rate, when most everybody else is driving a car in 10th grade, he will be only 14!  Typically an 8 year old is in 3rd grade.
   Second his problems seem very much like the frustration levels I have seen in kids with ADD.  He may not have that.  But the traits are the same.  The child is smart enough to know that they could be doing better - but they can't.  Whether his problem is that he is too young for his age group and is over matched - or he has ADD I don't  know.  I do know that he is certainly too young, and I would certainly look at retaining him as soon as possible.  It will only get more and more difficult for him (and to retain him) as the years progress.
   On the ADD issue - and I do think that the age problem is a big factor here - what kind of a doctor did the diagnosis?  ADD is much harder to catch.  Does he have any problems at home in concentrating and doing homework?  Does his homework take much longer then normal?
   Wait, you said he has a learning disability!  What is the learning disability?  How was it diagnosed?  Does he have an IEP?
   I think that what bothers me - is that in my experience kids who are just slow don't really show much frustration.  To me your son is showing tons of frustration.  Either he is out of his league age wise or there is something getting in the way of his intellect.  Either way, this will only get worse and worse until you are able to do something to help him (in my opinion).  So please do get back to us and let us know what his learning disability is and who/how it was diagnosed.  Also start talking to his principal about retention.  Hope this helps!!!!