Letting our infant twins sleep with us

[skyhawk747]

We have twin girls aged 1 year and we had a great routine with them sleeping up to 9 months. Every night they had their bathtime followed by a relaxing wind down in their rooms and off they went to sleep with music very quickly.

However nowadays they are always sleeping with us in our bed. To be honest we love them so much that we love having them in our bed even though we often get kicks from them hehe. We feel it creates a stronger bond but in the back of my mind I am worrying if we are causing damage by not letting them sleep in their nursery. I feel that by sleeping with us all time it will make them too clingy and delay their feeling of independence and social development. Am I being an over-reactive father? My wife says as I feel that it has created a lovely bond with us and our girls. I wonder long term is this a problem?

last week I decided that we had to put them in their nursery and get them into a routine of sleeping without us, well... they screamed the house down and we tried to let them cry it out but it hurt us hearing them sobbing so we ended up giving them some huge cuddles and taking them to our room. We have had this situation repeat for the past week now!

Could anyone give me some advice, I would really appreciate it :)

Thanks

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

As long as you permit them to sleep with you, they will. Can you blame them? You'll have to stick to your guns and not relent as you did. That gives your children the message that all they have to do is fuss and you'll come around. That's probably not the message you'd like to send. If you make the decision for them to sleep in their own room, then be firm, consistent. And, one thing to consider: If you continue to permit them to sleep with you, when do you intend to make the change? The longer you permit this to occur, the graeter the difficulty down the line. Admittedly there are some parents who genuinely think it is the best idea for children to sleep with their parents. I don't happen to share that point of view, and ultimately it's up to parents, not experts, to make the decision. My guidance would be to have the children sleep in their own room.

[mom2rachie]

My daughter has slept with me since the day she was born and she is now a year.  I love it and wouldn't change it for the world.  For me, parenting doesn't end just because it's night time and if it's closeness they crave why not give it to them?   They have a lifetime of being independent and self problem solving ahead of them.  Let them lean on you a little longer.
Just my humble opinion.
Unless it's totally depriving you of sleep and your husband doesn't agree (you both have to be on the same page on this) then why not?

[shawnys_grl]

I've coslept with both of my kids.  My 5yo sleeps in his own bed and, yes, he still does ask for me to come lay with me.  But he's 5, therefore easy to reason with.  And, really, who doesn't want somebody to snuggle with once in a while? lol  I sleep with my 2.5yo in her bed.  It's just now getting to the point where I can leave her alone.  

Here's how I've always thought of the co-sleeping (and there's research out there to prove it effective)..  They become much more independant because they've slept with you.  Because they've had the time to become independant at their own pace and haven't been forced into it.

I think with you having twins (if you do choose to let them keep sleeping with you) it'll be much easier to get them into their own room when their old enough to have things explained to them, because they'll have each other.

Also, it wouldn't hurt for you to do a little research on letting your babies cry it out.  Even Dr. Ferber himself ("inventor" of cry it out) has said it's not healthy to let your babies do so.  There's tons of studies and articles about it and what exactly it does to your babies.

Good luck.  You sound like wonderful, caring parents. :)

[jessinzion]

My two month old sleeps with me and my 3 1/2 yr old sleeps in the same room she use to sleep with me until the baby was born but now I know My 3 yr old is a rock solid sleeper and is not aware enough to know if she was to roll over on the baby. I am a single parent and when I was still with there father it was sepreate quarters for the kids but I like what my friend brought up, in other country's the children sleep with the parents and they don't question the childrens compatency or talk about them having issues later on from it it just is. I think its great as long as you are okay with it, I do not think it is good if you will wind up resenting it. Both parties must be happy the parents and children or no one in the long run will be.

[skyhawk747]

Thanks for all your comments people :)

We have decided to let them sleep with us for a little longer. I mean how can it be wrong? Our girls love cuddling up to mommy and daddy and we love hugging them back :) So how can that have any adverse affect on a child as it grows older?

Cheers all :)

[The learner]

Our eight year old daughter has been sleeping with us, for as long as I can remember. Since she was about 5 years old, we put her in her own bed, but every night she wakes up, to come and sleep with us. We love it and she is a very happy, warm and normal girl. I am sure that at a certain age she will feel she is too old to do that ( she already hides her pillow from our bed, when friends come over), but until then she is more than welcome. If you go down this path, you have to take into account, what effect this might have on the sibblings.

[JaydensMommy86]

i have a 13 month old and he sleeps with me. i do not think that it is a bad idea for your child to sleep with you as long as they are not too old. me and my sons father love when he sleeps with us. i am soooo used to it that when hes not there i can not sleep. do what you think is best. dont listen to what others think.

happy sleeping