Little girl who won't talk

[Macy]

In my kindergarten class, there is a little girl who will not talk at all while at school, except for one playmate who is her neighbor and she knows well. I have spoken with her parents, and they seem to think she is just being shy. She talks normally in the home and apparently in most other situations. Her parents did say that she sometimes seems to have trouble talking to adults in general (other than those with whom she's very familiar), but they have never been particularly concerned about it. This child has been in my class since the school year started (which is about 4 1/2 months now), and I have never heard her speak a word. I have not tried to discipline the child for not talking because she does not cause disruption, she participates in class (other than talking), and she is so timid. The child is obviously normal developmentally, understands what's going on around her, and is able to do the work and activities in class. She communicates with nods of the head sometimes, but that is all. She is withdrawn and doesn't interact with the other kids during play time (except her one friend, and that's only when they are far enough out on the playgroud that no one else can hear them). She's a very mild-mannered child with no discipline problems, but I'm at a loss for how to help her since her parents think she doesn't need help. I'm worried about the child and wonder if I should be concerned about abuse or some other serious problem? Even though her parents think she is just shy, I think it must be more than that. I have had many "shy" kids in my classes who were generally more quiet than others, but never any with this extreme timidness or who would not talk at all. Please help.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Macy,

As you know from your experience, the spectrum of normal is quite wide, and there are many children who are, by nature, on the shy/reticent end of the normal spectrum.

But the behavior you describe is outside the normal spectrum, though may not be a cause for alarm. There's really no reason to expect abuse, though a clinical evaluation may be in order.

You are not in a position to mandate an evaluation - all you can do is offer your expertise and vantage point, and discuss with the girl's parents that the behavior you are witnessing is unusual in your experience, and suggest an evaluation. Is there a psychologist or other clinician/counselor affiliated with your school who might be in a position to intervene?

Again, there's no reason for alarm, and you are certainly correct in not viewing the situation as one which should involve any discipline. But some follow-up would be a good idea.

[Rhonda]

Your message caught my eye, because I was a very shy little girl.  I was never abused.  Had great parents.  Mom was maybe a little overprotective.  I was only allowed to play with certain kids in the neighborhood.  I was so scared in Kindergarten that I would not answer to role.  I would lay my head down on my desk and pretend I was  hiding from the teacher.  Yes, I was "weird" and to this day all I know is I had a fear of being in a room full of unfamilier faces.  I was very intimidated by the other kids.  I only felt comfortable with my "one" friend.  I did not feel very normal.  I was very sensitive to others comments about my shyness which made me even more withdrawn.  Then when others picked on me, that just made it even worse.  Eventually she will out grow it and begin to come out.  I was in the 3rd grade before I felt comfortable socially.  I feel for your student.  She just needs lots of love and understanding and someone who can talk to her without making her feel like she is weird.