Lying what is the cure?

[scott.bailey]

I have a son that has been lying for years. Is there a pill or something that would stop him from lying? I think that this is some kind of brain disorder. He is a very hard worker, but a lyer. I think sometimes he tries to quit, but he can not do it.
If you know the cure, PLEASE SEND THE ANSWER TO: Scott.***@****, he is 17 going on 18 and if I do not find him some help, his life will be hell!
In the subject line put: Chris stop lying! I get a lot of email because I sell all types of lighting on my web sites: www.st-georgelighting.com & www.lightingoem.com. I delete over 200 spams a day, so please put Chris in the subject line.

Thank you for your help,

Scott, Chris Father

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

At you son's age, lying has become a habit pattern. The important variable in relation to change is how much he regards the behavior as a problem. If he does, and is motivated to change it, introduce him to some cognitive-behavioral therapy. If he does not regard the behavior as a problem, there really is little you can do beyond talking with him about it, in a calm, affectionate, patient manner that conveys your concern and worry.

[scott.bailey]

I have done that many times! All I see happening is him getting smarter about how and when to lie.

[hey3]

I have a fifteen year old step-daughter that constantly lies.  I have had her to 3 different therapist.  It gets better but it doesn't last.  Ours has learned to lie from listning to her grand mother.  Someone once said if they will lie to you they will steal from your.  Our kid 2 years ago stole a check from me and forged my name.  It has been a battle for the past 8 years.  We have been told from a therapist we know (not one we have takne her to) you have to teach the child to empahize.  When they are lied to remind them how it makes them feel.  Then compare how they feel about the liar, to how you might feel toward them because they have lied to you.  Sometimes we don't htink our kid has a concience.  That she only feels bad when she gets caught and does not feel bad about the actual lie.  I understand what you are going thru.  It is very difficult.  You cannot trust them.  I disrupst your family.  Our child's mother has just hired a lawyer and it looks that she will be moving out soon.  Which is sad because we have tried really hard to break her so in the future she won't make worse mistakes like stealing checks ect.  One therapist told me "Do the best you can, if she turns out good you know you did the best you could.  If she turns out bad you know you did the best you could."

Hope things get better.'
Heyheyhey

[Linda D.]

Scott, in my work with children and families as a mental health professional, I have observed the following:  Children lie for several reasons but the number one reason in my opinion for a “pretty story” is power.  When children don’t like their reality, they invent new and often manipulative stories to gain control of their situation.  There is an underlying fear that motivates this behavior and often it is the feeling of powerlessness.  My advice is to never accept less than the truth but be ruthless in your own inspection of your son’s environment.  What kinds of changes can be made to help him feel safer and more masterful in his world.  Does he need more time with you? Mom?  Are there ways that you all can help him to feel masterful at his age?  Quality private time with each parent on a daily basis could help his sense of security.  Children's books are especially helpful and a good librarian can steer you to age approprate topics about lying, feelings, confidence, etc.  One of my favorites is "Hogwash". And lastly, do you recognize the positive achievements that he accomplishes on a daily basis?  Example: "Chris, you helped me carrying in things from the car.  You are strong and helpful.  Thank you."  For you and his mom, I would recommend a book by Haim Ginott, Between Parent and Child.  It will help you set limits on his behavior in a nondestructive for all.

[Linda D.]

Scott, I completely misread your post!  I thought we were talking about a little guy.  You have a nearly grown man on your hands.  It is another ball game altogether.  I apologize to all who read my first post but maybe it will help someone with a small child who confabulates.
I still return to the advice of never accept less than the truth.  And I believe fear is still his main motivation but at his age dishonesty will earn him a life of problems.  You and your wife will need to learn to let go and allow Chris to suffer the natural consequences of his behavior.  I know that sounds impossible but there is no other way but tough love from here on.

[SisSue]

My 19 year old is always lying and 'stealing'. Over the past year he has been fired from two jobs for 'stealing'. He says he didn't know it was stealing when he had a friend sign him in and out at work while he played a game on the internet. One job he was fire for stealing a soda from stock without paying for it. "He says". My son was kicked out of his dad's house the summer of his senior year. He came to live with me and my husband after a long talk about honesty, rules, and standard of living at our house. We made him move out after graduation because of his rule breaking, his nasty body odor and uncleanliness, just plain disrespect to authority and all the stuff that goes with it. He is also Diabetic. Type I, insulin dependent. I have taken him to the doctor once and he refuses to see an Endocrine Doctor to be reassessed and his insulin adjusted. He had to move back in with us this past May and he has still been unable to find work and he was found lying about stealing money and we made him leave. I told him some harsh things that just breaks my heart,like I can't trust you and that I don't see why he doesn't care more about what his consequences are if he continues to make bad choices. So I don't know where he is. He has no place to stay and no money, no job. I told him about the salvation army and he just 'peeled off' the parking lot angry with me for throwing him out of the house. Please help me and maybe I haven't made things worse, I pray not.
Sign,
A mom with a broken heart.

[shellykelly16]

Did your son always lie excessively or has it just becone a problem?  I have an 8 year old son that lies all the time and nothing I do is making him stop.  This makes me very upset and worried about what kind of future he has to look forward to.  If anyone has any suggestions they would be very much appreciated.  I hope that things with your son work themselves out soon.

[TheOldest]

My nephew, aged 9, lives with me as does my Mom who has custody of him.  My nephew, I will call Al, lies whenever anyone asks him questions about his behavior.  I believe most of the time he believes he will get in trouble if he tells the truth so he points the blame at someone or something else.  I know that is normal for a child, but how do you discourage the lying behavior and encourage him to tell the truth?

[scott6]

i'm someone who lies alot. i hate it. i try to stop, because i know how bad i feel when i lie to someone, but for some reason i still do it. i eventually come clean and tell my friend that i lied to her but now i'm afraid that she'll never be my friend again, not that i blame her though. i was just wondering if anybody knows anyways to stop.

thanks for your help.

scott, someone who wants to quit lying.

[Placebo114]

What are your thoughts before you tell a lie?  Are you hoping to seem different than who you are?  If so, what is it about you that you do not like (aside from the lying... you've already admitted that...) Start by being honest with yourself.  You said you will usually go and admit the lie later - what makes you confess?  How do you feel afterward?  
I'm not a doctor, just offering some suggestions / food for thought.