MASTERBATION

[Kristyk]

My son began - "Rocking" himself to sleep in the crib before he was walking.  He slept on his stomach and put his hands under his leg's and rocked every night until he fell asleep.  As he has gotten older,(currently 5 years old), he continues the same routine, he now get's sweaty, his face turns beat red and has an errection.   I have told him several times to go into his bedroom and that he should do that behind closed doors - by himself.  He has done this at the daycare and now in Kindergarden at nap time.   I have had Child Protective Services called on me for this reason - twice now, from both schools.  I am concerned because, #1, I am an excellent mother.  I love my child and he is well taken care of.  I am happy to an extent that the school cared enough about the children to report it, but the fact remains, that children do this.  I have talked to many many parents and have explained what my child is doing, in hopes that they could give me advice and I must say that more than half of these people have explained that their child has done the same thing.    I found that this is pretty normal in kids.  Why then, do I get called into Social Services about something that is normal in children......... Some more than others.  As a society, we look at that as a bad thing, while children just look at it as a way for them to relax, not in a sexual way, but for them to relieve their stress.   They don't understand, all they know is that they feel good when they do this. But, we as adults look upon them as "having a problem, or being abused in someway".  As I said earlier, my son did this before he was walking and just never stopped.    I think more study's need to be done on Child Behavior.  Again, many parents told me the same stories of their children that I had been experiencing. So,  why are the teachers / care givers, so disgusted by a child doing this? Maybe they are the ones that need to be educated, while the parents need to be educated on what to tell the child regarding that situation.  As far as the psychologist's are concerned, what they know is what they have "learned" from books / study's / cases.   I would like to get information and advice from a physcholgist - who has experienced this first hand - someone who has had a child that has done the same thing.  Were you a good parent?    What action did you take to keep your child from doing this in a public situation/daycare/kindergarden/sitters.    For all the mothers out there who are going through this, my advice to you is to - #1, Make a record of your childrens habits, record via. camcorder when your child first start's doing this.  As the child gets older and he goes from school to school, it's hard to prove when he / she began their "situation". I only say this, because my husband and I used to laugh at my son as an infant in his crib as he "rocked".......  Never thinking I would be sitting at the Child Protective Services for that same issue - twice in three years.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When you know you are being a good parent, and acting in a responsible way, it is hard to be scrutinized. But others don't know the specifics of your situation, and you were correct to appreciate that the school is erring on the side of caution. Will there be times when such scrutiny does not result in a conclusion that anythig is amiss? Yes. But that doesn't mean that caretakers should overlook what might be a symptom of mistreatment because they assume everything is OK. Do you see the problem? There really is no alternative except to err on the side of safety, and to do it in an open, above-board, forthcoming way with parents. Realtive to the behavior itself, contunue to set a firm limit with your son. While in general the behavior is OK, it does need to occur in private - it is the public display of genital touching that is being disallowed. Some children, from a young age, tend to soothe themselves in the way your son does - for them it becomes a habit, much as with some children sucking their thumb or twirling their hair or clutching their blanket does. The difference is that those other behaviors can be done anywhere, whereas your son's behavior has to have some limits set on it.

[2miracles]

I feel fo you. I'm afraid i will be on the same trac as you soon. My daughters school calls every year about this subject. She has done this since 3yrs. she is now 9. today i got a call - first time in 3rd grd. she has been 'rubbing on the desk or ?' and i have to have another confr. w/ the school phys. and the teacher. I am appalled that my dd just 'dont get it!' that she continues to do this in school. we have umpteen talks about it. I know for a fact she has never been abused, and im not one of those moms who denies things, she has just not been out of my sight long enough for anything. i was a stay at home mom and im extreemly paronoid about anything w/ my kid, so i dont leave her unnatended! actually i probably caused it by being too  over bearring and protective. haha. I dont know what else to do about it. the phsyc. at school will talk to her about it, again, and so will i, but beyond that .. its a way of relaxing herself, and with the new baby and sicknesses and she has allways hated school, this is what she does. she knows about privacy and all but what else can i do? i get mad and usually yell and scream about it! she knows how i feel about it (negative!) i'm embarrased at her age she cant show restraint at school!

[stinasmom]

I have to disagree with you about video taping that particular behavior in a child. I myself have been through that scene for a childs behavior and should you do that , they will probably accuse you of child porn. Therapy will prove you are trying but with them, thats about it because there is a record of everytime they are called and it is all held against you.At the very least, check into getting him evalutated, I know where you're coming from.

[MissT]

I am glad to hear other children are like mine.  Before my son was even 2 years old, he "rocked" himself to sleep at bedtime and after waking from his nap.  I would try to get him up, and he would say No.  I asked if he was having fun and he would nod his head.  It didn't happen that frequently so I left it alone.
Then one night after his and his twin sisters bath, I came in to
find him showing his sister how to do this rocking thing.  I explained that he was only to do this sort of thing at night and in bed.  Well now it has escalated to almost every night and he is just turning 4 years old.  He says it feels good and he likes it.  I have tried to get him to stop; even when he is sick, he still does it...He sweats and now he is starting to moan. I have talked to other parents of multiples and not one has a son that does this at this young age.  I have talked to his doctor, but he can give me no comment.  Who do I talk to or is this nothing to get excited over?  Sorry for the pun..`

[greendog_24]

I have to disagree with you about video taping that particular behavior in a child. I myself have been through that scene for a childs behavior and should you do that , they will probably accuse you of child porn. Therapy will prove you are trying but with them, thats about it because there is a record of everytime they are called and it is all held against you.At the very least, check into getting him evalutated, I know where you're coming from. But one thing I would recommend is asking him why he does this or how he found out about it.

[greendog_24]

Miss T this is nothing to worry over it will pass.

[Melissa Wright]

Hello everyone,

I was just doing a search online and was happy to have stumbled upon this site. I am having a similar problem with my daughter. She is 17 now and ever since she was around 3 she has been "fondling" herself. At first it would just take place in her crib. I noticed her doing it but wasn’t sure she was actually doing it. Only until later did I discover that children start masturbation even at the age of 3. So I just laughed about it with some friends, thought it was cute, didn’t pay any mind to it at all. So as time went on she would keep pleasuring herself. Once she hit 5 she was doing it almost every day, in the bathroom, in bed, in the car, in the pool, countless places. I began to worry about her and her "obsession" so we started to go to a psychiatrist. It didn’t seem to help. When she was 7 she wrote, or at least tried to write her own book on sex. Now how she knew about sex was beyond me. We don’t have any bad channels and the internet is well protected so I figured it was a friend of hers feeding her ideas. To no avail I couldn’t get it out of her. So I started to take privileges away from her. TV, computer, video games, anything. I was desperate. I have gotten a few calls from school saying that my daughter was masturbating in class. I tried to talk to her about how it was not good to do it in public places and should only be done in private. When she was 11 I found her and my 7 year old daughter engaged in a sexual act that will never leave my mind. She was grounded from everything. We went back to the psychiatrist and still had no progress. She was put on several medications to help her fight the urge to reach her hand down and start to pleasure herself and others around her. She was very sexually active with other girls in her class. Teaching them "tricks" and nice ways to "get off" Taking them to the bathroom and trying it out on each other, even bringing friends home to have "sleep overs" which in turn come out to be sexual get togethers. This was all done by the age of 15. She seems only interested in other girls and not guys and I can’t make her feel any different. She is now 17 and is a very beautiful girl. She still masturbates anywhere she feels she can get a hand in her panties. I have also found electronic devices that she uses in her room and takes with her to places. Now I had one when I was 15 as well but I rarely used it and surely never let it leave my room. Now when I am down making dinner I can hear her moaning upstairs and it makes me start to cry. I have seen her teach my youngest daughter, who is now 13, her ways of dealing with things, so now she has gotten my youngest daughter very much into pleasuring herself when she can. Although she at least does it alone in her room or in the shower and she doesn’t do it as frequently as her older sister. I have just wanted the best for my little girls but for some reason I can’t give it to them. I love them both so much and I want them to be better but I don’t know what else to do. I am emotionally taxed and physically exhausted. I HATE how sex has overwhelmed her life and consumes alot of her time. If anyone has any comments please email me at ***@**** Please pray for us.

Thank you,
Melissa

[AutismQuirks]

A related discussion, Childhood masterbation (masturbation) was started.