Middle Child Snydrome

[Jviv18]

My younger sister has always thought she got the crappy end of the stick. We come from a family of children and she is the middle. Throughout our childhood my parents always had to work harder and give her more, so that she would feel this way, yet the same thing happened. Christmas gifts were more elaborate, school clothes more trendy.. ALL so that she would not cry that she got left out. We all understood this and did not mind. We did not feel mistreated, but were sometimes angry that although she got what she wanted, she still acted like she didn't and frankly treated our parents like ****.

We are adults now, and this is still an issue. AGES ( 25, ME 23, BETH 22, 21, 18) IF we are not constantly calling her keeping her up to date she feels left out. Yet she never calls any of us. She drinks and drives and for this reason i do not let her watch my daughter or take her anywhere. She does not understand this, she thinks i have something personal against her.

our youngest brother and sister still live at home with our parents. Last weekend our oldest sister came down with her girls and had a nice dinner at moms house. We tried to get a hold of beth but wasn't able to. I decided not to bring my family over for the dinner..I knew that if I did, she would think we planned this against her and feel left out. She called me that night asking when dinner was, i figured she'd heard and would go, i said I'm not sure around 6?
She then called up my parents house while dinner was going on and said I had just called her and said they were all having dinner without her..... i WASN'T EVEN THERE,,,I STAYED HOME SO SHE WOULDN'T FEEL LEFT OUT!!


WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER?? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!  WE, CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE..WALKING ON EGGSHELLS SO WE DON'T UPSET HER.?? SHOULD SHE GO TO THERAPY, MAYBE GET INTO A 12 STEP PROGRAM??

[ChristianView]

It also appears that you only think negatively of you sister and maybe don't give a real respect for her in any aspect of her life.  Your posted negative and belittling feelings toward her may be what is making her feel so bad.  You say that everyone in your family is fed up with her... well then maybe you should all just accept her and stop being fed up with her.  She may then magically start to feel accepted.  I imagine you may also talk negatively about her to your other family members since you publicly posted this.  Just because someone is not present does not mean they can not feel how other family members really feel toward them.  
You should try to reflect only loving and respectful feelings toward her for a long time and see if her attitude changes then.  Also try not to forget, no one is perfect and your not better than her just because you don't drink and drive.  I'm not saying that you should allow her to care for your children but just remember that EVERYONE has error in their lives and needs new opportunity to be trusted to change for the better.  Also know that doing things for others because you view it as your responsibility does not mean you're giving love. Genuinely praise her for something.  Time to love unconditionally as well as forgive and forget.  Unconditional love is the best therapy and it changes the giver and the receiver in truly wonderful ways.

[shaz71]

Hi i agree with baby girl,  and your parents have encouraged her behaviour by every time she acted up she got a bigger and better present, so why should you stay away from your parents house for dinner just because you don't want your sister left out and then she kicks off at you anyway. So whatever you do she will kick off regardless. Sod your sister and live your own life i know she is flesh and blood  but you can't condone this behaviour. Good luck. Sharon x

[babygirl6152]

that last comment about 12 steps is excellent but one of the first things they will teach anyone is that you cannot control another person's

drinking
emotions
drug use
poor behavior

so as I read your post I kept thinking how you all have unwittingly played into all of this sister's manipulations ----- so what? if she gets upset? It is her  choice to get upset- and somehow you have turned into the sister that keeps everyone happy at all costs.....

live your life and be happy-

A person is just as happy as they make up their mind to be" Abraham Lincoln

good luck in breaking away from this dysfunctional bratty sister.....