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Middle school woes
My 13 year old son with ADD is having a horrible year with teachers who don't know how to work with him at all. He is constantly loosing assignments, teachers score his work lower than it should be (I have math tests to prove it), he has been in suspension more times than I think are warranted for arguing with a teacher. They want all children to do exactly what they are told exactly when they are told to do it. My son doesn't transition well between classes. They want him out of honors - which I feel if he gets out of honors he will be more distracted in the other class. He refuses all medications and I will not force medications on him. I am at my wits end in dealing with the school. My kid has a 504 plan. I have sought the help of the 504 coordinator & administrators but no results. Special ed isn't an option since he doesn't meet the state criteria for qualifying. I want to pull him out since I know the way the teachers don't know how to work with him and I personally feel like they don't care either. What am I to do? The kicker is I work full-time so homeschooling is out. I would love to do the private school thing - but in this area they are all religious schools with doctrines that we really don't believe personally - besides I don't know if they would do any better. I would love to hear from anyone that has been in a similar situation how it turned out both good and bad since we can learn from each other.
Thank you all for your responses. It helps so much to know that what is happening has happened to others. I so want to make the right decisions when it comes to my son! We have done the counseling & with both counselors they felt that there was no more that they had to offer if he wouldn't do the meds. I feel in a way that they did that to pressure him to take the medications. He did take meds for a short time - about 6 weeks - without significant improvement - but the dose was low - and he didn't like them. His case is mild to moderate & I personally feel that he should not be forced to take meds. I do feel he could benefit from going back into counseling at least on a monthly basis. I also started subscribing to ADDitudes and I really like that magazine. It is so true that we need recognize and reward the good! What has been so difficult is helping him keep organize with his school work - as when he leaves in the morning he is organized then when he got to school he had lost all the papers in his binder! He doesn't know what happened. He has been thru 3 language arts books! I am going to spend lots of money replacing books! There is a black hole somewhere that is making this happen but I don't know where! So I am trying to recognize him when he turns things in on time! When he stays on top of his homeowrk! Thank you again!
Sounds like he's a bit out of control. As a parent it's important that we take responsibility. If you check his backpack and inspect what it is that is not organized for a couple of weeks. He'll end up having it organized as he knows you're checking. this will become a habit over time. Perhaps taking the time to organize him together w/ him at first and checking it together will help. Also....he has got to do what the teachers want and do it when they want without arguing with them at school so perhaps you should discuss that w/ him. usually children w/ adhd are also gifted learners but are not going to have that opportunity if they can't control themselves in a classroom. He has to make this decision because this is the age where his life can go in two seperate dramatic directions...one taking him to a life of wonderful things and the other direction directly to a horrible life. We removed food coloring from our sons diet and it really helped.
Wow, your kid sounds like me at his age. I was a good kid and a smart kid, I just had ADD. No medications for me either. Frankly, if possible, I think that's best.
My parents, in 7th and 8th grade, put me in a Catholic school. Religion was one class twice a week, and it was actually more of a history. They never forced beliefs on me (I'm Buddhist) and I never felt odd being there at all. I did exceptionally well, my grades skyrocketed, I had great friendships and felt really normal for the first time in a long time. In smaller classes, I had more patient teachers too.
It might be worth a try if the current way isn't working. This is a crucial make-or-break point in your child's life. I wish you the very best and I hope things work out well for him, and for you.
My parents, in 7th and 8th grade, put me in a Catholic school. Religion was one class twice a week, and it was actually more of a history. They never forced beliefs on me (I'm Buddhist) and I never felt odd being there at all. I did exceptionally well, my grades skyrocketed, I had great friendships and felt really normal for the first time in a long time. In smaller classes, I had more patient teachers too.
It might be worth a try if the current way isn't working. This is a crucial make-or-break point in your child's life. I wish you the very best and I hope things work out well for him, and for you.
Hi, Mary. My daughter is 12 and had Add. She was'nt clinically diagnosed until the end of last year. It's been a struggle every year with teachers. I took her out of a private school and entered her in public, because public schools should have more resources. The teacher wanted every child to learn at the same level. It's the law Ya know "know child left behind" My daughter did'nt want to go on Meds either, but she became so frustrated with her self that she finally gave in. Her problem is conscentrating. She has been taking concerta this year and seems to be doing well. The funny thing is that we were told that she had an above average intelligence, but her comprehension level is that of a 4th grader. I think you should tell your son that if he does'nt want to continue like this then he has to step up to the plate and help him self. He's old enough to see that. Tell him to just try it and if he does'nt like it he can stop. My doctor told me that usually there is other things that go along with ADD. Anxiety disorder is one of them. So he might need two types of med's. Don't give up and you do know when they are one the 504 plan, that the teachers HAVE to honor that. INSIST!!!Good look mom!! The way I see things. that god does not hand us things that he does'nt think we can handle. So you can. Byeee
I am the mother of an adhd child. He has been on about 5 different meds and they all have given him various side effects, Right now he is on nothing(we are trying the natural way now, Omega 3, calm child syrup, good quality vitamens, cutting out food dyes ect). I can see both sides. He had a severe problem and i gave him no choice, he was going to try the meds. Some were worse than others. Some kids do GREAT on them and some dont. Mine didnt. I to did not want to "drug" my child but i also felt i had to do what was best for him. he fought me tooth and nail making it only more difficult. But one reason why i am so determined to find a solution is because my brother was diagnosed with add when he was 8. He is 18 now and is a high school drop out and a bum that still lives at home.I blame my parents for never trying to get him help(via meds or therapy)simply because they did not beleive in drugging him. So i know you dont wnat that to happen either. Neither do i with my son, because i have seen what can happen. With that said i refuse to give up on finding something to help him. As far as the special ed goes if he was diagnosed with add then i thought that most schools assigned the student one to help the student with certain task, studying, test in small groups ect. My child gets that extra help yet he is not in special ed. He has all normal classes as he is a good student with a normal iq. It is called IEP(individualized eduacation program) it is designed for the childs needs. Ask your school about it. I wish you all the luck! Its such a struggle . I have gotten much critism from family ect but i tell them until they walk in my shoe sto keep their mouth shut because they have NO idea what a struggle phsically and mentally it is! best of luck!
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Middle school is gross with any kid, so I can only imagine what it is like with a boy with ADD.
You do need to meet with his teachers....perhaps you have strategies that you know work that you could share with them. It also sounds like he needs behavioural counselling. He is going to have to make his way in the world, and the world won't put up with a lot of the behaviours you are describing.
I have found that most teachers do care but they are overwhelmed by class size, discipline problems, etc. when you approach them, remember to not put them on the defensive, you will accomplish nothing if you do. He is your baby and your number one concern. He is one of MANY children they are trying to teach, so of course they are going to have a differant point of view.
I am a theatrical agent here in Canada. One of my most successful young adult males has add. He took meds for about a year, but hated the flat effect. Working very hard with therapy, focusing skills and various other techniques, he recently graduated with honors from a top 10 university. He is in plays and has had large roles in 5 films.
The key thing I noticed about his parents, is that they were able to objectively listen to any input they were given. They didn't take any **** off Thomas and they defended him when they needed to. Thomas is a wonderful young man. He is gracious and kind.
I hope things get better for you soon.
You do need to meet with his teachers....perhaps you have strategies that you know work that you could share with them. It also sounds like he needs behavioural counselling. He is going to have to make his way in the world, and the world won't put up with a lot of the behaviours you are describing.
I have found that most teachers do care but they are overwhelmed by class size, discipline problems, etc. when you approach them, remember to not put them on the defensive, you will accomplish nothing if you do. He is your baby and your number one concern. He is one of MANY children they are trying to teach, so of course they are going to have a differant point of view.
I am a theatrical agent here in Canada. One of my most successful young adult males has add. He took meds for about a year, but hated the flat effect. Working very hard with therapy, focusing skills and various other techniques, he recently graduated with honors from a top 10 university. He is in plays and has had large roles in 5 films.
The key thing I noticed about his parents, is that they were able to objectively listen to any input they were given. They didn't take any **** off Thomas and they defended him when they needed to. Thomas is a wonderful young man. He is gracious and kind.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Hi there,
this issue comes with many different dimensions to consider. I work as a clinical social worker, specifically I work with children. Therefore, I also work with alot of schools and have been fortunate enough to view situations such as yours from both perspectives. I know sometimes teachers can do better...sometimes they don't have the patience, etc to deal with kids with ADD, ADHD, etc. However, some teachers are faced with dillema of too many students to one class, etc and they simply don't have the time or patience to put up with kids who are argumentative, etc. I'm still not condoning their behavior...just trying to give you some perspective. Also, has your son even been in therapy? i'm not suggesting meds, since he's not interested and they simply are not the answer for everything. but sometimes therapy can teach kids coping skills to deal with their frustrations as well as some behavior management, that could target issues such as his arguing (which is not tolerated anywhere). though throwing him in detention obviously isn't working with this issue. From my experience, the best things teachers can do is ignore ineffective behavior and reward positive behavior..this requires patience on their part. Have you spoken with his teachers? What works at home for him? Maybe they could use some techniques that you may use of have used? Has he had similar problems with other teachers, schools? It could also be that he's not being challenged enough...therefore he becomes bored and disruptive. Let me know if you would like more specific information. Hope this helps somewhat.
this issue comes with many different dimensions to consider. I work as a clinical social worker, specifically I work with children. Therefore, I also work with alot of schools and have been fortunate enough to view situations such as yours from both perspectives. I know sometimes teachers can do better...sometimes they don't have the patience, etc to deal with kids with ADD, ADHD, etc. However, some teachers are faced with dillema of too many students to one class, etc and they simply don't have the time or patience to put up with kids who are argumentative, etc. I'm still not condoning their behavior...just trying to give you some perspective. Also, has your son even been in therapy? i'm not suggesting meds, since he's not interested and they simply are not the answer for everything. but sometimes therapy can teach kids coping skills to deal with their frustrations as well as some behavior management, that could target issues such as his arguing (which is not tolerated anywhere). though throwing him in detention obviously isn't working with this issue. From my experience, the best things teachers can do is ignore ineffective behavior and reward positive behavior..this requires patience on their part. Have you spoken with his teachers? What works at home for him? Maybe they could use some techniques that you may use of have used? Has he had similar problems with other teachers, schools? It could also be that he's not being challenged enough...therefore he becomes bored and disruptive. Let me know if you would like more specific information. Hope this helps somewhat.
Your son does not belong in honors. Honors is for kids who are socially gifted, and also academically advanced. They come to school ready to learn and ready to enjoy the classroom experience, and ready to enjoy the teacher.
He also obviously doesn't belong in special ed, as he probably has a much higher IQ than average.
He sounds like Thomas Edison. No one ever understands their gifts until they like, invent the lightbulb. They're kicked out of schools and then later they are recognized for their brilliance. But in fact, they're hard to be around because they make life difficult for everyone because they won't behave.
Prayers he comes up with something fantastic!
He also obviously doesn't belong in special ed, as he probably has a much higher IQ than average.
He sounds like Thomas Edison. No one ever understands their gifts until they like, invent the lightbulb. They're kicked out of schools and then later they are recognized for their brilliance. But in fact, they're hard to be around because they make life difficult for everyone because they won't behave.
Prayers he comes up with something fantastic!
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