Mom vs. Son in conflicting character

[Smitty26]

I'm now 19 years old and am in my first year at the Air Force Academy. Basically, a fight brewed from our differences in character. I have a newly found sense of integrity, honor, and character. She does not possess these traits in the same potency. She gave me her word on something, then broke it. I held her accountable and told her she shouldn't tell me she will take on burdens if she doesn't have time. We make agreements after fights about how we can improve our relationship. I break a rule, I get nailed to the wall; she breaks a rule, she is completely justified because she is the parent (in her opinion). Finally, I told her I didn't want to try to fix anything anymore because the fundamental method of solving the problems was flawed. I told her to mail me all of my things because I was never coming home again.  
I always hold to my word so going home isn't an option. Her word that things will get better and she will try to change is worthless to me now after so many examples. Now she is trying to get me kicked out of my school for "mental instability" because she can't accept the fact that I'm angry at her. She keeps thinking that something more deep seeded is causing me to get mad at her and that its not really her. I stand firm that I'm simply sick of being lied to and I can't trust her anymore. I am aware that there indeed might be something wrong with me, and I'm not seeing it so I'm seeing a councilor to make sure. She on the other hand is secure in her beliefs and won't budge. How do I handle it? How can I trust after so many broken words? What can I do to help?

[skeetelmore65]

A related discussion, a mom that has a son who feels the same way was started.

[nyx]

>>But reasonable doesn't usually mean rigid. You might want to reconsider your black-and-white decision never to go home again. It hardly ever works in human relationships to cut ourselves off from people. Such decisions usually come back to haunt us. Your mom certainly has her flaws, as everyone does, but you don't have to divorce yourself from her as a result.<<

Excellent advice....please take it.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You are wise in addressing this matter in therapy. Remember that you cannot change your mother - only she can do that. You can make reasonable requests, and try to be reasonable in your own stances. But reasonable doesn't usually mean rigid. You might want to reconsider your black-and-white decision never to go home again. It hardly ever works in human relationships to cut ourselves off from people. Such decisions usually come back to haunt us. Your mom certainly has her flaws, as everyone does, but you don't have to divorce yourself from her as a result.