Mother in PVS- should 4 yr old visit?

[dpiz]

My sister is in a persistent vegetative state a month and a half after a severe car accident. She is not responding to commands.  Her normally waist length hair has been shaved, she has a trache (sp?), scar on her head and appears very "frail".  Her 4 year old daughter has not seen her yet. My sister always made a big deal out of seeing her daughter and now she won't even be able to recognize her or respond - is it a good idea or not?

I think not, I think it will be traumatic for her daughter.  How can you possibly understand something like this at 4? Am I wrong?

[momagain59]

There is an organization called Hospice in my state that helps families in times like yours. When my Mom was in the hospital dying, they helped me explain it to my own children. They were actually books that I got at the library that helped also. Your situation is alot worse than mine and I would have to ask for advice as to what is best for your neice. The hospital aught to be able to refer you to someone that can give advice. I would want to see my Mom if I were her. Will she be attending the funeral? I am so sorry for your family, it is so much easier when it is an older person.

[Carolina2806]

I keep thinking about your post. It is the most emotional one I've read on here. I am new to messageboards in general.

I think RockRose has some very good ideas and maybe she should see her mother because when she grows up she might resent you if she doesn't like savik said.

It sounds so painful.  I hope the best for you.

[savik]

I don't envy your position, and I am sorry to hear about your sister. Maybe she is young, but what if she grows up one day and asks you why you did not take her to see her mother?  How would you answer her?  She might resent you for it, but, on the other hand, she might understand. You're in a tough position.  I wish you the best.

[RockRose]

Has everyone explained that her mother is very sick,  and she's in kind of a "sleep" but her eyes are open?  She is sleeping,  so she wouldn't recognize you or hear you.  She's not in pain,  and the doctors are doing everything they can to help her and everyone is praying she gets better,  but she might not.

If she wants to see her mother,  I think I'd start with showing her a picture,  taken kind of from the side,  not a face on picture of a blank stare.  Before showing the picture,  explain that all her hair was shaved off so the doctors could work on her scalp,  and she has lost some weight so she doesn't look as healthy and beautiful as before.  

And then judge from her reaction to the picture,  and by her attitude about whether she'd like to visit,  whether it would be a good idea.

Best wishes.  This sounds impossibly painful.

[Carolina2806]

I really don't know. I feel so awful for you and your family after reading your post. It is somewhat traumatic just reading about something so terrible happening to someone who is probably young in life with a small child--I am sure it would be traumatic for her daughter as well.  However, you know her best--sometimes children can handle things adults cannot. I hope the best for you and your family.