My wife insists on sleeping with our 7 yr old adopted son in his room. He never has had any issues with going to bed on his own in his own room. It seems like the co-sleeping is more my wife's need than his. We have plenty of bedrooms and beds for everyone in the house not to have to share. This has been going on practicaly every night for the past 5 yrs. Also my wife generaly does not sleep with our 4 yr old son who is more of an independent minded young man. We have addressed this in marraige counciling numerous times in the past but she sees nothing wrong with this and does not seem able to break her habit. In the past month she moved to an apt with the kids as she is worried that our 7yr olds nose bleeds are being caused by something toxic in our beautiful house. We are currently in marraige counciling and she does not see the co-sleeping as an issue
I feel like there are two issues with this:
1) I am concerned that his normal healthy development into an independant young man could be slowed or arrested. I am worried this behaviour may develope a co-dependancy that could verge on abuse
2) I am also not happy in that all my wife's affection has been transfered to our eldest son. This has been going on for a long time and it is draining our marraige.
What can I do and am I right in being worried about my son's development?
Yes, you have reason to be concerned about your son. There is every reason to believe that your wife's needs are the primary driving force behind this behavior. Children do not need their parents to sleep with them. Hopefully the couples therapy will help you and your wife to mend the rift in your marriage. If not, hopefully the two of you can maintain a cooperative relationship to benefit your children going forward.
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