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Avatar universal

Mum worried!

A few days ago I noticed strange white marks on my 3 and a half year olds dark blue sheet. I stressed as when my eldest daughter was 3 she said once that daddy touched her pannanie ( vagina). I questioned him and he took high offence and when I told certain authorities they asked me if I was sure if that's what she said. I said yes as I'm very well awear of what trouble this could cause if anyone lied about this kind of thing!!!when faced in front of authorities with me and asked him he said no he would never do that and they said I must have here'd wrong. She was asked and said he only did when she went to the toilet. I watched over her and keept a close eye on him and this never occurred again. But going back to the beginning and finding the white marks which were suspicious to me but I didn't want to seem paranoid I didn't ask or bring it up and put it down to maybe she had food on her and jumped in her bed. Unlikely though as I ask my girls not to jump in their bed during day after I make them in the morning. I never mentioned it to my daughter or partner as I didn't want to put things in my daughters head. The next day my daughters and I had been having a swim and when we come inside,, out of the blue my 3 and a half year old said Daddy hurt my pannanie ( vagina) . My 4 year old was present and herd it to. I then asked when. She said night and started acting all goofy like and silly. I didn't want to push her and said to her,, you not let Daddy touch your pannanie( vagina) and if he dose you call out loud to Mum. My panic has got worse as obviously washed her sheet and the night after her saying daddy hurt her I found more white marks on her sheet . I questioned her and said did daddy come into your room last night?? She said yes and went all goofy and silly again.. Daddy touch pannanie. As if it a joke. I would like to get her checked out but afraid it may traumatise her. Am I begin paranoid?? She has never lied as she doesn't know how to. I'm so worried.
21 Responses
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Avatar universal
Are you kidding? You washed potential DNA evidence from your children's sheets after more than one accusation?! I'm appalled you're wasting time on here, that was the thing to do after allegation one. for GODS sake don't dispose of potential EVIDENCE OF CHILD ABUSE again. You're potentially obstructing the justice of your own babies and seem to think that's fine. I was molested by my father for years. No one ever found up, my mother 'accidentally' covered it up for years because she never was 100% sure (even though it was her responsibility to seek evidence and answers, not mine at 6 years old). I am estranged from her. She disgusts me. Don't make the same mistakes with your girls. If you have the opportunity to protect them, take it or put them in care so someone else can. I'm serious. Get stricter and stop allowing yourself to feel a victim while you deliberate.
Helpful - 7
2 Comments
I hope you find peace in your life. I had similar past but it was moslty every uncle, older cousins, strangers etc. My mother knew but never did anything about it because she was stopped by her mother, my grandma always asked her not to put her own brothers in jail. I stayed away from her for 20 years. Until 3 years ago. She appeared on my door at her extreme lowest 60 years old an homeless. All I could offer was compassion. now that she is back in my life and i am older, I am starting to understand her past. Not an excuse for dump mistakes but it is her reason. Slowly but surely I have come to peace with the past and learned that at some point we all find ourselves at our worst. At our lowest. But we get up because if you dont, you can stay stuck for ever. Forgive, and move on. Time heals. And if you can, hug her and give her the gift of peace and tell her despite her dump decisions because you are God's child, you forgive her. Sending my love and prayers to you.
You have a beautiful heart. I am glad you are at peace with your Mom.
Avatar universal
Stop hesitating!  How would a 3 yr old come up with such a statement? Keep the sheet unwashed and make an appointment with Child Protective Services or the Police. Please don't delay as this could be subjecting your daughter to further abuse!  Better to be wrong than face a lifetime of guilt!
Helpful - 7
Avatar universal
Get your child checked asap! If she's saying he touched her punnani  ( which means vagina in another language, as I'm familiar with it) you NEED to get her checked!!!protect ur baby girl
Helpful - 6
Avatar universal
Put a hidden camera in the room for as long as it takes.problem solved.then you will have all the evidence you need. Simple i dont understand why you havent thought of it!i hope nothing bad is happening Gid bless them.please please please keep us informed. God bless and good luck sweet!xx
Helpful - 4
Avatar universal
PS If you find any more white stains on your daughters' sheets, don't wash them! Give them to the police!
Helpful - 4
Avatar universal
My mother did nothing other than ask me if my uncle was touching me. I told her yes. She then made me promise not to tell my father because I would never see him again, that he'd be in jail for murdering my uncle. I've never forgiven her. I have had mental problems, low self esteem, and been an alcoholic since I was 15. I may as well have been murdered. It continued until I was 7. I was overprotective of my daughter and my life has been full of hate and fear. I loved my father who is passed now. I'll never forget that she could've helped me.Don't be that horrible parent.
Helpful - 3
Avatar universal
How old is your other daughter now? Has she made the same allegations again?

If it were me, as awful as it would be for my husband, I would believe my daughter and I'd take her to a doctor. A doctor can check her out and will know if she is being molested. You need to protect your children. If I thought for a second that my husband was doing that, he'd be out of the house and unable to return until I knew nothing had happened.

I don't understand all this "set up a secret recorder" advice. Personally I don't think you should allow it to happen again [if it is happening] to capture evidence. Why would you allow your daughter to be harmed in such a way. And could you honestly watch that footage? What would you do then? Because if I watched footage of my husband molesting either of my daughters, I would murder him. That's not just words either, I would kill him. Then my children wouldn't have any parents while I sat in prison for years.

Take her to a doctor and explain your concerns. It's the only way to keep your daughters safe and to know for sure. This is the SECOND time he's been accused of this, and like they say, there's no smoke without fire. Why would both (assuming you only have two) of your daughters make the same allegations about their father if nothing was happening? Children do sometimes say crazy sh!t, but this is too specific and coincidental for my liking.

Get them away from him. TODAY.
Helpful - 3
2 Comments
Mum1012 he's probably did it. If he's getting upset, I will assume he did it. I was a victim too. I'm 50 years old and it hunts me for the past 45 years. So please don't take anything lightly in what your girls are saying. Put in a spy camera. Mum1012 please let all of us concerned about what happened. You haven't been here in a while. I feel so sorry for you and your daughters. God bless you guys.
I wish i had proof from when i was younger. Now i can turn on my cell recorder when i see my brother physical abusing others, it makes a difference. Thats why people are suggesting recording.
Avatar universal
If you video tape it make sure the cam can see in the dark with out lights on.
your husband is guilty he got upset because he was guilty and got a shock that you new.
Keep this in mind your daughters young minds are very impressionable  the longer you leave it the more damage will be done affecting therr relationships in the future.
and you don't want them hating you in the future saying mum you new and did nothing about it.
Helpful - 3
Avatar universal
I don't think you're being paranoid at all. I think your husband is molesting your girls. Your first daughter's response to the police-- "he only does it when I'm on the toilet"-- is not an absolution. He might have taken advantage of her being on the toilet, with her pants down, to molest her. In this new instance with your younger daughter, she has already said once that he hurt her privates at night, and frankly I think even just "he hurt my privates" or whatever she calls it should be enough for alarm. Then she said it again...So at this point I really think they're telling the truth.

The only reason I can imagine you might STILL doubt they're telling the truth, in spite of all that's happened, is that you keep saying the younger one acted silly/goofy after telling you. That should not deter you from believing her. Kids-- and even some adults-- have a very hard time talking about things like this, and they often exhibit nervous reactions that seem inappropriate for the occasion (i.e., laughing at your friend's funeral when they open the casket. You're not amused by how your friend looks, your brain and body are just in shock.). I think even in the case of older women people often doubt claims of sexual abuse or assault because the girl didn't seem "sad enough" when talking about it, she wasn't crying etc. This is a mistake.

Please call the police again and get your daughters away from this creep!!!!
Helpful - 3
1 Comments
When a person is" lying" they will react when confronted by either over reacting or will change the subject on you and that's a fact!! When you ask them you want to catch them off guard when their not expecting it, that way they don't have time to make up a story. You said he either goes in their room at night or when using the bathroom so it really shouldn't be that hard to catch him...I sure wouldn't be leaving him alone with them no matter what....Kids don't make that kind of thing up.  People that molest children play really heavy head games on children that further destroys the child. Example: The molester knows that people are starting to suspect the child is being molested and by them. They will then tell the child to tell them when asked again by the concerned parent to say someone else's name. The parent will then go and confront the person and then find out it isn't true. That makes the child look like a liar and that you can't believe anything they say so that if the child says the real name of the molester and their confronted they can deny it and say the kid is a liar and look the kid last week said it was so in so and now this week their saying it's me... Sometimes the molester will take it even further by telling the child in front of the questioning parent that they want them to tell the truth right now about who is hurting them!! The molester has already before hand threatened the child and to lie about who it is...What this must be doing to the child's mind and how totally confusing it must be to a small child not to say how destructive. There are boundaries in this world you don't cross and one of them is hurting a child and if you do it makes you nothing short of evil. The worst thing is even if you leave this man which you should he will go on to molesting another child it's a compulsive act. There is no cure. They say a child molester can molest hundreds of children in their lifetime. I hope you never leave them alone with him or any child.
Avatar universal
Just by you questioning if this could happen tells me something is wrong. Something inside of you already knows the answer. I would never even think my hubby could do such a thing to my kids because he is a normal father. You must see something a miss . Go with your gut
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
I'm sorry that the authorities didn't take you seriously the first time with your eldest daughter BUT you should not have given up then you should have pushed and pushed until someone listened !
Your a mother and a mother knows when something is wrong with her children TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS !!
Don't wait to catch him out or collect evidence you will just be subjecting your daughter to further abuse, No matter what you must go straight to the authorities, speak to everyone and anyone that will listen and either kick your husband out or leave with the children immediately, obviously if you are worried that your husband may become aggressive make sure you have either a trusted friend or a police officer with you when you kick him out but please do it right away, Do not confront your husband over this because if he has done this he will only lie about it anyway, you know that your daughter has been abused by your husband otherwise you would not have asked for advice here trust your gut and protect your girls at all costs.
It has probably crossed your mind already but if it hasn't then my advice would be to have your eldest daughter spoken to and seen by a doctor aswell.
Remember if you do nothing your daughter/daughters will continue to be abused and they may well say something to a family member or teacher and you could end up having your children put into care because you didn't do the right thing when you originally new about it and could have stopped it !!
REMEMBER THERE PROTECTION IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!
Take care and good luck xx
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
Get a sample and picture swab the white stuff put it in a zip. Lock bag. Set up camera behind a bear or something behind something. Turn the night vision on bring the swab and pics to the authorities but first wait and catch the tape, if u find evidence do not show him the father bring to the authorities he may try to harm u. That's the best I can say. This sounds like a bad case though.
Helpful - 2
18904692 tn?1469545396
Children don't know these things until it has happened to them or its talked about to them. if it was not spokén about then yes, you're husband has done this. WHY, WHY, WHY do SO many women question they're own children??!!!?? Screw not wanting all the hassle if it was a lie, YOU'RE JOB IS TO PROTECT THAT CHILD NO MATTER WHAT. I think it's really sorry that this is being asked this on here instead of it already being handled with authorities.
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
At the end of the day it is best to do what you feel is best for your child no matter what the situation.
Who knows your child better then you? if you believe your child wouldn't lie about that then it's best to trust her then be sorry and have it happen again.
Another
option (before you make any life altering decisions) maybe try seeking professional help someone that can talk to her through the things she is saying without making her feel like it's wrong or like hiding the truth. Maybe they can get her to give a little more detail to reassure-prove to you that it is true or it could get her to admit to making it all up?
Although (I) can't imagine a child her age would even think to say something like that about her own father unless something was already installed in her head?
If you take her to get a check over and it turns out to be false it'll give you peace of mind knowing you did what you felt was in the best interest of  your daughter and you can rest at night knowing that you don't have to question that thought of it.
As for your partner. It must really be f**ked even have to think the man you love  would do such a thing.
I would be a give.f he was to find out he would be pissed  as f**k but what can he say you had to make a tough serious decision for your daughters sake . If anything he should have respect for you as a mother that you refuse to let any one stop you from protect your child. If your girl told him something like that If the shoe was on the other foot would HE DOUBT HER for a second??    HE SHOULDN'T..
If I was in you situation I wouldn't hesitate I believe my children no matter who what where when why and how if they are wrong. And made me wrong I would be embarrassed slightly but I wouldn't change my mind.
Would be best not to ponder on it or it will probably play on your mind more not knowing and if she were to say it again you would have wished you had done something about it sooner. And if it is true you can take action to do something about it. IMMEDIATELY
Helpful - 2
19595745 tn?1480666708
Don't assume anything. Something similar also happened to me a couple of times. A lot of times children say things because of a perceived lack of attention from their mother or father, specially if they have the idea of the subject most able to arouse their mother or fathers attention. When my son was almost 9 he told my wife that I and my Secretary had kissed. My wife asked where and he said next to the bathroom in my office. I could not believe the gall he had and nor the reason to lie directly in front of me!! Of course I did not get angry because he was just a child but it sure made me upset, specially since I always took care to keep all of my employees at a respectful distance. The day after, I asked him why he had said that, and he did not have an answer. later that day i explained the experience to a great Psychiatrist and clinical psychologist in the country who happened to be a close friend of mine. He told me since my wife had been ill and in and out of hospital for the past 2 years, the inattentiveness of my wife to my son's needs and the dissatisfaction he felt with the all day House-sitter/Nanny since the beginning of his first grade in school and also a baby girl sister being born, these were just all too much for my son to handle and had caused him to desire attention from my wife at any cost. He chose this subject because he understood this to be a subject which will arouse my wife's attention. This was his way of confirming that he was still wanted by his Mom. My friend also told my to tell my son in the gentlest manner that what he had done was wrong and it could have consequences for me and our family. He also told me to explain in detail the step by step ramifications of his statements, for example tell him first there would be mistrust between me and my wife, then there would be suspicion, then we would not believe each other anymore, then we would have to lie to each other, and so on and on. He told me not to assume that my son would not understand and told me that children are capable of understanding a whole lot more than parents think. So the point is don't assume anything, but also try to understand and know your kid more intimately. Let's face it, only you can protect your child's future by being vigilant. But also remember that the police are well capable of discerning lies from predators or molestors. Many have psychologists just for sexual crimes such as these. If you have already reported and they have not filed charges, chances are they do not credit the story as it is, or think other normal psychological points are at play here.  .
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Age does play a big part. I agree that children understand more then adults precieve them to. The diff between a 3 yr old, 5 yr old and 9 year old is drastic though. Guess you can judge by how creatitive they get telling stories to get out of punishments. Thank you for coming forward it's good to know how it effects a wrongfully accused person. How do you get along with your son now?
Avatar universal
my father used to touch me and my older sister's bottoms when we were kids like 5-6. then he went on to touch my sister's chest when she reached puberty. then he used to ask her to give him a hand job. He is a pig. my mother suspected but never said anything really. until my sisters spelt it out for her when she was 14. I think my mom was refusing to see the truth. a doctor could not help get you proof in this case. My sister was never actually made to have sex. do not be blind. it is hard to accept the truth. get your child some protection.  I hope you did not put this behind you because with my father it was on and off. and then it became worse when my sister reached puberty. don't forget about it because It will come haunt you later. good luck my thoughts are with you. I know this thread is old but i'm hoping this message reaches you. Be strong.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I was 5 when I was molested. I am now 58 will never forget it.It went on until I was 14. An older cousin, an uncle and older brother. I was always told to never say anything. I finally told my father when I was 18. Believe your little girls. I went on with my life but I will never forget.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
The exam won't traumatize her, her dad already has. Child abuse and sexual assault are EXTREMELY common and 80% of the time it goes unreported. If you are even questioning what has happened then you already know. Get your daughters away from their dad and get them into therapy (and yourself into therapy) ASAP. As they say, domestic violence starts at age 4. Being victims already, your daughters are already at a greater risk for rape and sexual assault later in life and as adults.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know this thread is old, but this is coming from the perspective of someone who was molested by her father. She is telling the truth and you need to protect her!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Same as everyone else. The father is up to no good. Time to take action Mum.Sorry.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
He did this to your older daughter per her claim. Now your younger daughter has claimed the same charge. It' simple, they don;t know how to corroborate each others stories. It's too sophisticated for their ages. File an anonymous report with your division of children and families agency. They will investigate, and in the mean time, figure out a plan to leave. The consequences of all this is losing your girls in the long term because you do NOT trust what they say and are trying to protect them. You can stay at a women's abuse shelter or home until you figure out how to support yourself and your kids if that is a concern. You don't have to see him do it, to know he is in fact doing it.
Avatar universal
you are not being paranoid. Seek help now
Helpful - 0
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