My 5 year old daughter lovette is out of control

[Nikkihaskins]

My 5 yr old daughter is out of control. When I ask her not to do things and explain why she can’t she argues with me. When I ask her will you please move your cup away from the edge so it won’t spill, she tells me its not going to spill. We go back and forth I ask her not to argue just move the cup away from the edge. She won’t and so I will get up and move it away myself she puts it back. I will take it away and it turns in to a full-blown tantrum. She is very disrespectful. Anything she asks for is a demand. She yells at me to get her things NOW. If I don’t right away she yells louder. I stay calm with her tell her to ask nicely and I will get it. She says you’re my mom you have to. Going into public places is impossible before we goto a store I talk to her and explain what I expect of her. We are going to the store for food not toys. Please keep your hands to yourself and don’t talk to strangers. If you can’t behave yourself, you will not get you any treats and we will go home. I ask her what will happen if you can’t keep your hands to yourself she will reply I won’t get a treat and we will go home. We enter the store, and she does everthing I asked not to do. When she becomes too bad we start to leave, she starts to scream and throws herself on the ground. She cannot use the bathroom by herself because she will take anything she can get her hands on and empty it out all over. I have to put up my toiletries. I still have to watch her or she will make a mess of water and toilet paper. She is not to eat or drink in her room but any chance she gets she is in the cupboards and takes the food. I now have a 2mth old son and things have gotten much worse. I don’t know what to do. Please help I will try anything what I’m doing is not working.

[RockRose]

This one line struck me:


"She is very disrespectful. Anything she asks for is a demand. She yells at me to get her things NOW. If I don’t right away she yells louder."


Are you actually getting her things when she yells get me this NOW?  That's the problem,  right there.  Stop doing that.  Stop treating her with such "kid gloves" - her behavior is horrendous,  and you are not stopping it.

Keep calm,  tell her no,  and mean it.  No.  No.  Nope.  Nope.  Not until you change your attitude.  That's not the tone to use if you're asking for a favor.  Forget it,  you asked that way,  you can't have it.  Calmly,  quietly,  but firmly and don't back down.

Lordy.

[Christy H]

Has there been a serious family issue? (e.i. death of a loved one, divorce, a move to a new house or school, new brother or sister, an illness with her or other family member).The I ask this is it sounds like to me that she is reacting to a change in her enviroment and seeing how far she can go. I would start with for example if she refuses to comply with moving the glass and you take it away after asking usually I will ask three times after the third you take the object away and if she throws a tantrum I would remove from the area and take to a quite and safe place maybe the bedroom. I would calmly tell her that she will be allowed to return to the table as soon as she calms down because the way she is acting is not appropriete for the table. Please bear in mind that she will throw a bigger tuntrum but be strong and consistant. Once she calms down, if hse is able to do that on her own, allow she to return to the table. If she is not able to calm down on her own and the tantrum increases, try sitting in her room with her and either hold her or rub her back. If that does not work try asking to help you with a chore to redirect her. As far as entering a store i would giving her " a job" to do while you are in the store like I need you to look for the brocoli and once she completed that task have her look another item the trick is to keep her busy! I know that this is a lot for you to do but if you just keep with it, it will get better !
Let me know how you fair and good luck!
Christy;)    

[Trialanderror]

Quite clearly she is looking for boundaries and I fully agree with the methods of the other posters for you to take the lead again. It often happens that with well -meaning explanations towards a child the child becomes argumentative and has the impression when things are discussed, the issue is up for negotiation. You can practice putting your foot down in areas that are indeed really important to you or the sake and safety of your daughter. While you are doing the transition, make sure there are plenty of moments when she can be in charge otherwise of projects and chores. Possibly she also just needs some more hugs since the new baby arrived. Just speculation. Even if it is hard now, make sure you do not lose your authority completely. Good luck.

[Nikkihaskins]

What hasn't happened.  Her grandfather just died.  She just had a little brother 2 months.  We moved from the inner city to the counrty.  She changed schools after the move.  Her grandmother is sick with the same thing her grandfather died from.  But I'm trying all your seg.  Thank you all for your help.

[Christy H]

My thoughts are with you. Good luck!
Christy ;)

[Nikkihaskins]

Well we have been doing really good the last few weeks.  She seemed to be getting better and better.  She loves being around other kids so we met the parents nexted store and Lovette has been playing in their yard.  I have there phone number and they have ours.  Today we had a big problem.  Instead of coming home after playing next door she went and walked into the house 2 houses down!!!  A man brought her back and told me she walked into his house.  She told him she was going to keep walking into houses until she found a new friend.  OMG  what I'm I going to do with her?

[melanie1963]

Your comments were sent a while ago and I was wondering how you're getting on. I have a 5 year old and she's out of control. I also have a 18 year old who's about to start university and was a joy to bring up. Francesca is 'different'   she lies, when you tell her gently that you know she's lying, she doesn't blush and say sorry, she continues with the lie. She drags out bedtime. She screams all the time. She has little respect for me. To be honest, I rarely enjoy her company. Help!