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My 1 year old will not listen!
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My 1 year old will not listen!

Please help.  My 1 year old son will NOT listen to me!  I have tried everything to disipline him and nothing works.  Do I try spanking?  He gets into everything, from opening the dishwasher, to dumping over the trash can and climbing on everything!  He knows he is not suposse to me doing this things.  I know this because he looks at me and laughs when I tell him no.  I am at my wits end.  My husband and I are both sick, I just miscarried - we both need our rest and my child is a wild man.  I need to know how to set boundaries and how to get him to listen to me and obey me when I say no.  I just want a well-behaved child.  One who dosn't throw fits.  Please help!
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112359_tn?1226870683
He's too young really to understand discipline. At that age I don't think spanking will be productive, it likely wouldn't get any results. He's too young to reason with, too young really to understand bounderies. So if he's into everything and you can't keep up, you'll have to set the bounderies yourself. I used babygates and a playpen. Yes, some people now get very upset at the thought of not letting the child "run free" but as you well know, every child can not be raised the same! It sounds like your son is a lot like my brother was, and my mother finally had my dad cut a wood door into a dutch door and put it on my brother's bedroom. They completely child proofed his room and then when he escaped his crib in the night they could hear him because the top part of the door was open but he was contained. A friend of mine took her furniture out of her dining room, put toys in and gated the doors for 2 years until her second son was past this stage.

One other thing that helped me was to rotate toys. That is, I kept 3 or 4 boxes of toys and would get one down & my son would be interested in those for an afternoon or so... then when he got bored and started looking for something else to do, I'd pick those up and get a different box out. That way there was always something "new" for him to explore.

I hope I've given you some ideas you can use. Good luck, it does get better soon!
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13167_tn?1327197724
Your son sounds like  mine when he was that age.  I'd look jealously at mothers who had kids who sat on their behinds and ate cheerios out of those little tupperware containers while the moms chatted.  

Mine was into EVERYTHING.  He could figure out every imaginable child lock system,  so I had to actually make child locks out of interlocking dog collars because those are operated by brute hand strength that a 1 year old doesn't have.  

I had to  buy an extra fisher price car seat so I could strap him into it with a pile of books while I took a 5 minute shower - otherwise,  God knows what would have happened in that 5 minutes!  He could certainly crawl out of a crib by that time or over any fencing system.  

He's now 17 years old,  and a delight.  

Put everything UP that you don't want your son in,  put the garbage can on the kitchen counter,  devise some kind of locking mechanism for the dishwasher,  etc.    

They grow up so fast!!  In the blink of an eye he'll be 17 too, like mine,  and you'll smile wistfully when someone writes a post like yours.    I bet he's really smart.

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164559_tn?1233711618
I agree, 1 is too young for him to understand the concepts you are trying to get through to him.  I sense this is a stressful time for you and I am sure it is very hard right now.

You can actually buy a playyard.  It is a series of gates you lock together and it makes a large enclosed play area.  It's kind of like a puppy kennel, but for babies....It can help keep him safe when he is out of your arms.

1 year olds LOVE garbage cans, toilets, cupboards and virtually everything you do not want them to touch.  Your son's behavior is completely age appropriate.  I think you need a break, and some good books that will give guidelines as to what to expect of your son at this age.

Try to be patient, he is a baby and really doesn't understand rules yet.
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Avatar_f_tn
kalio1 - your comment was extremely rude and uncalled for.  By no means am I hurting my child emotionally or physically. I am hurt and disgusted that you would post such a comment.  From my understanding this forum is to help people, not to offend people my telling them that they need parenting classes or counseling.  I just hope that other women who are going through my same frustrations won't read your comment, as it is both stupid and hurtful.

RockRose - thank you for your comment.  It helps to know that other women feel or have felt my level of frustration.  I fear for my son
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Avatar_n_tn
It sounds like you want to live in "Perfect"town and it is NOT going to happen - He is a baby but he does understand more than you know - You have to set boundaries - When my son was getting into the garbage can I put it in the garage so he couldn't get to it - You have to be VERY CONSISTANT - He is going to act out and throw fits and when he does you make sure he is safe then IGNORE it - They do things to get a reaction out of us - He won't bother with this if he knows it won't bother you.  If he likes to climb give him something safe to climb on and make sure you are VERY specific about THAT being a place to climb - Remove things that are dangerous.  Things will get better with repetition and if he knows YOU and YOUR DH are the boss - Spanking should be a LAST RESORT if at all - I have done the hand smack before (don't like it but I have).   Give it time - It is a frustrating time right now for all of you but you have to hang in there and be consistant and show him who is boss.  Good Luck to you.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have the same problem and my son takes it a step further by banging his head on anything and everything. I put him on the rug or the bed and he will find the hardest place to hit his head. He's given himself a black and blue from hitting himself on his crib bar in the middle of the night. I don't know what else to do either I keep reminding myself its a phase but it is a dangerous and scary phase I tell him no and sit him down for a minute or two and try to explain to him that I don't like that and that hurts as he says it "owww" don't hit your head, but he has such a temper? This is the part of his behavior I have the most trouble with. But as to him getting into everything he does tha as well and I baby broof but it true its just a stage you do what you can smart babies always find away around what you've set up LOL. He is 15mths now I don't know what else to do?
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Avatar_f_tn
Kids Know damn well what they are doing at the age of one! My mom makes it a point to my one year old brother when she says No it means NO and he just walks away and does something else without hitting him. You have to be firm and talk to them with a firm voice and stay firm! YEZ YOU CAN DISCIPLINE A ONE YEAR OLD!!!!! AND THEY WILL LISTEN!
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13167_tn?1327197724
YoMama,  you're too young to get this.

No,  one year olds don't know when they're doing wrong.  They can barely walk,  and can barely talk.

The way you feel about your baby brother isn't reality.  When you're a grown adult mother,   you'll understand that 12 month olds don't obey.  They don't have the mental capacity to.

However,  they do have the mental capacity to shrink in fear if they are threatened.
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973741_tn?1342346373
So agree with Rockrose!  Developmentally, one year olds do not know D*** well-----  they do develop quickly but if encounter such harshness early on, they will act that way soon enough themselves.  Check out development and cognative ability sometime of a 12 month old.   They are not ready to rob banks and perform brain surgery by then . . . nor can they think ahead, control impulses or reason.  
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535822_tn?1389452880
Kalio1 had a valid point in my opinion this is a baby it is not a gooid idea to be thinking of hitting any child never mind one of this age ,ask for counselling if you think you will go there .....
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535822_tn?1389452880
Oh my goodness I just spotted this thread.and the date, its .3 years old this child is about 4 now LOL My apologies for my post .Nas i hope he bnever gor spanked ...........
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello! My daughter is going to be 1 yr old on the 2nd of January and she is going through this same thing! It does not help that my husband is deployed and will be gone for another 6 months, it has already been 2! :( But anyway, children understand more than everyone on here is letting on. My daughter understands the word "no", as I have been using since she was only about 4 months old and learning how to move on her own. She also understands that she is not supposed to do things but she just doesn't care a lot of the time! I sternly tell her no, if that does not work I say it again, after I say no in a very very stern voice 3 times she gets a little smack on the fat of her leg. After that she leaves it alone. (kids are just very curious and evil at times! lol) A lot of times I do not even spank her at all and I just take whatever it is away from her and tell her no...she cries for a second and then walks away! She has started this new hissy-fit loveliness! I just ignore her and walk away! As for the garbage can thing, my daughter loves to dump the dogs water all over the kitchen. I have a gate at each door to our kitchen and I leave one a little higher up so our dog can fit under it during the day. But sometimes she can slide under it and still gets to the water! So irritating! She did it 2 times today! I guess all I am saying is that it is probably just a stage in their lives and we as parents have to teach them discipline now or else they will think they can do whatever they want all the time. Smacking a baby on their leg, not too hard tho, is not any kind of abuse and it is not going to scar the child for life. It is just a shock to them so they will then think about that smack when they go to do it again, hopefully!!! The way a child acts at a young age is more than likely how they will act at an older age. I was reading online articles about 1 year olds and they may not be able to talk, read, run, etc, but they understand what you are saying and your different tones/attitudes. People should give young children more credit! I have always talked to my daughter like she is a person and not a baby, she listens to that. If we are in public and she is starting to whine I look at her and say "we dont do that!" and she stops, they are people - just smaller!! :) Good luck with your son! I hope my post helped you!
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973741_tn?1342346373
I would suggest you read a book on child development.  You are wrong on many fronts and I think if you educate yourself on children you will be a better parent.  The article is right, a child does have great language ability before they talk and can read tones.  But that does NOT mean they have the brain capacity to do as you say.   You absolutely can stop a child from doing things and should to keep them safe.  But knowing that a child of 1 developmentally based on brain function for that age (look it up if you have doubts) can NOT reason, can not think ahead, and have very little ability to control impulses.  They will learn the word no, yes.  But the other areas I mention will hinder them from always remembering and following all of your rules.  Your child will also learn to fear you-----  just as she would by touching a hot oven-----  she knows she will get burned.  You are the hot oven, my dear.  Discipline is important as a child gets older but a one year old needs more of guidance and supervision to get safe.  It is okay to say "we don't hit" (of course, you'd hit her to prove your point . . . which makes sense----- not!), or "NO street" but the attitude that she knows what she is doing and is EVIL (your words) is uninformed.  By the way, curious is a natural and part of developmental growth.  It should be encouraged under guidance and supervision and not termed evil just because it causes you to do a little more work.  I'm not talking bottles of cleaner under the sink but they make cabinet locks for that.  They make cabinet locks because even though we say NO to our kids (and smack them in your case) they will still go back and try it again (lack of reason, lack of impulse control . . . hm, sound familiar).  By the way, I have my Phd in psychology and understand child development very well.  You don't have to take my word for it though----  you can read up on it yourself or just have an angry and aggressive 4 year old to deal with in a couple of years.  Good luck.

Lastly----------- this is a really OLD post.  Hopefully Adam's mommy is doing better by now.
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Avatar_n_tn
I wonder how he is doing?
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Avatar_f_tn
I have taken many psych classes and most are bull and I would like to say experience is a better lesson than being taught what to believe. I have a 1 year old (a very smart one at that), who understands the word "NO" and also knows what not to do. My child put me through tests everyday. He will look right at me before he does something he knows not to do. He talks back in his own language and also throw imaginary hits at me. He knows when im angry and all. Every child is different and needs to be disciplined differently. Also and yes I do discipline my child, I smack his hands when he hit people or throw things and I smack his legs when he falls out and kicks and IT WORKS.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I think that disciplining is guiding and teaching.  I never said that one shouldn't do that with a one year old.  But one must be realistic about their cognative ability.  Do as you wish with your child.  If you feel it works-----  then smack away.  The problem that sometimes occurs is that down the road, a child learns to do the same thing.  If you have an aggressive toddler----  physical punishment will cause them to be more aggressive.  It is hard to say----  don't hit with hitting.  It is hard to say stop shouting while shouting.  

I do have friends that swat.  That is a parents choice----   but one year olds are at a developmental stage in which they are only in the here and now.  Impulse control is not well developed at this point.  Many preschoolers are still working on impulse control.  

I'm curious why this thread reappears----  it is sooooo old.


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Avatar_n_tn
My daughter is 13 months old and she does the same thing. She is in to EVERYTHING and yes she absolutely knows what she is not supposed to do. She will even look at me and shake her head "no" when she is about to do something she is not supposed to. I tell her "no thank you" and place her somewhere else and distract her with a toy. She will normally cry or throw a fit but I just ignore it and she normally gets over it fairly quickly. I try to keep everything and anything dangerous out of her reach and baby proofed. But you can't keep them away from everything, if it's something that's not hurting them and they are having fun with it (even if it will cause a messw and more cleaning for you) they are learning so  just let them do it. If they want to take the toilet paper roll and make it in to confetti, let them!  :) ...my point is you can't keep them out of everything, as long as they aren't getting hurt just let it go and be happy they are learning and amusing themselves. If they love garbage cans then get them a garbage can that they can play with! They are just going through a stage and they will get over it eventually.
I also rotate the toys between the living room, play room and her bedroom, put some away and take them out later so she is more interested in them and that seems to work for me aswell.
P.s. Another reason babies do this is to get you're attention. They are smarter then they know :) Try just sitting on the floor and playing with them (trust me I know how hard it is when there is a hundred and one things that need to be done around the house) but they could just want the attention on them.
Any ways I hope nothing in here offended anyone, just trying to help :)
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Avatar_f_tn
i am 21 and have a 13month old, she is exceptionally bright, she can talk and walk already. she knows what NO means, and she to gets into everything. i have realized that when she wants my attention she is particularly naughty, by this i mean she climbs on the couch and climbs up on the computer desk. which is very high. She knows she is not allowed to be up there, usually she says mum, and she is smiling at me, waiting for me to tell her off... all i can say is probably play a lot with him. i know you have a had a very difficult time, but he is only a baby and needs the proper guidance at this stage of his life. and i also have dog collars latching the cupboard doors together. lol . :D i also find that if my daughter throws a big tantrum and hits out, i pick her up and put her in her cot until she has calmed down. Even though she can climb out she knows that she is not allowed to when she has been told off, and waits for me to say its OK to come out. i know i am young and other more "professional" mothers might not agree with me. but my best advice is do what feels natural to you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even me.
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Avatar_f_tn
and i agree with you! they do listen
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Avatar_n_tn
my one year old is old enough to kno what hes doing. if he knows how to point and tell me what he wants, throw his diaper in the trash, and feed himself, he is smart enough to kno what no means, just like he knows wat dog means, chair means, cup means, diaper means, and trash means. Kids arent mentally incapable of knowing to stop wen you say stop or no. When i tell him to stop or do something he does what i tell him. He may throw a fit from time to time but when he does he gets popped just like the rest of our family did when we were young. His mom doesnt spank him and he wont listen to her for the hell of it. He knows who and who not to test with. Anyone who says spanking will damage their kid is full of it. i got spanked and im not scarred at all, but believe i have no criminal record and have never gotten in trouble with the law, unlike the majority of children who live in new york raised by parents who were told it was against their state law. no disipline leads to bad kids. not all kids. some kids never need a spanking and they listen pretty good. others do need it. depends on the kid. but with any, as long as you are firm and consistant they know you are serious and will kno that as they grow older. you dont want them growing up thinking you are their nice friend instead of parent, then walking over you.
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13167_tn?1327197724
tahjsdad, you're right.  If you physically hurt a 12 month old,  they will fear you and drop what they're doing when you yell at them.

Check back with me here  in 15 years.

You won't sound like you have all the answers then.  I promise.  ;D
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973741_tn?1342346373
Kids that are one do know the meaning of no however developmentally do not have the impulse control to follow through.  

I think parenting classes should be mandatory for everyone.  
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535822_tn?1389452880
Wow this got scrolled up from way back ...I dont agree with much the last few posters have said .spanking a 1year old is totally wrong ...tajisdad ...
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973741_tn?1342346373
I don't agree with spanking a one year old either.  Even in older children, spanking is often the cop out parenting technique.  Doesn't take much thought to just whop someone.  It is weak parenting to just use your strength (as in brute force) to guide your child.  That is why I think parenting classes should be mandatory in order to have kids.  
Sadly, not everyone would pass the course.

And by the way, the leap from not spanking a one year old to no discipline is a big one.  Think about it.    

  
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973741_tn?1342346373
And let me just add, that spanking is an option some choose.  But if you feel yourself losing control with your child, please ask for help in managing that.  Spanking is quite different than beating and sometimes spanking can slide right down that path when given in an angry way rather than a teaching way.  Never spank as your reaction to anger.  Let the anger pass before discplining your one year old physically.
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Avatar_m_tn
You can not 'spank' a one year old....love them and adore them, they are one for christ sake....they are just learning to walk, chuckle and feed themselves..dont spank them- they do not have the mental capacitiy to understand discilpline, you can say no clamly and direct them in the way you want too...please dont spank your one year old
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535822_tn?1389452880
goodness do you see where you scrolled this back from ...may I ask why?
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Avatar_f_tn
My daughter is 12 months old and I spank her and she does listen she doesn't flinch or act scare but she does know what not to do and no parent on here has the right to bash someone else's parenting!! All children are different just like every parent is different I was spanked as a child and I'm not scared of my parents but I did know that if I done something I wasn't supposed to that I woul get punished and my daughter does too!!!! If she does something wrong I tell her no if she does it again I (lightly) smack her hand and say that's a no no and then if she does it again then I (again LIGHTLY) smack her leg and if it gets to the point that it happens again she goes to her crib or pack and play as a time out but usually it doesn't get to that point but like I said everyone is different and it's not your spot to judge or tell someone how to raise their kids! It's your decision on how to discipline your child and it's nobodys business unless it gets out of hand and NOBODY needs to tell people that do spank their kids that they need to go to  consouling idont are if you have a phd or not!!! They aren't your kids and your not God so stop judging!!!
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