My 10 year old step son poops in his pants..

Here goes....I have a ten year old step son that poops in his pants and hids his dirty underwear around the house. He holds it all day at school and only poops when he is at home? I have a hard time understanding why he can hold it for over 8 hours while at school and refuses to do so here or at his moms?  History...I meet his dad when he was four years old and he was still laying him down and changing his diaper..when ask he said that his ex and him had tried to potty train but it didn't work..my step son continued to wear a diaper until 3rd grade and after a few accidents at school he stopped having any at school. My husband and his ex have takening my step son to the doctor several several times the only thing that they could come up with is he had an over active bladder and was compacted from not going! So they put him on laxatives and medication to control his mild over active bladder and three years later we are still in the same boat! I make him go to the bathroom when he gets to our house and still by the time it is bed time there is a good chance he has pooped in his pants. Only I won't know about it until I am cleaning up and find it the next day or depending on how well he hid it, it could be longer. He is at the point now that he thinks he doesn't have to  controll it ( thanks to his mother and father). We don't agree on this topic my husband thinks this will fix it self with time and that his son can not help it (never mind he does ALL day at school for over two years now)  and refuses to hold him accountable? Am I wrong is there a medical condition that make this child unable to controll him self only when not at school?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

For all practical purposes, this is a ten-year-old who has never been fully toilet trained. To adopt a wait-and-see approach may be well intentioned, but it is irresponsible. This is a medical problem that needs attention, beginning with a full medical evaluation to determine if all is well from a structural point of view (it likely is OK). The problem of impacted bowels can be a recurring problem if it is not dealt with in a systematic, comprehensive manner under medical guidance. This will work out OK, but the situation needs to be addressed in an active manner. Passively continuing down the current road will only bring more of the same.

[surat108]

Hi there...I am a mother of 2 children, ages 9yrs and 2yrs. I am not a doctor, just a mother with (hopefully) helpful advise.
   I agree that definitely at 10 yrs old, he should be using the bathroom regularly. I would advise getting a second opinion on the medical side of this...make sure his body is working properly.
  Have you asked him straight out why he prefers to poop in his pants instead of the potty? It could be that he holds it at school because he doesn't want to be embarrassed, yet at home it's always been OK to go in his pants, or diaper. Your husband thinks it will fix itself over time but if that were true, he would have been using the potty long ago. I think your husband is enabling him and never guided him into using the potty on a regular basis. Your 10yr old has been doing this for a LONG time and it may be hard for him to change, even though he may very well want to make that transition.
   Personally I wouldn't have him on laxatives or meds on a regular basis...it may make it harder for him to hold it, ya know? I know if I take a laxative, I may not make it to the toilet either. Talk to him. Be upfront and direct, he's old enough for your honesty now. Discuss how he feels about it, ya know. He might be waiting for someone to take the upper hand on this situation.
Barring any physical/medical problems,...maybe you can approach this the way you would with a toddler...
    *Make him go at specific intervals during the day, even if he says he doesn't have to go...he still has to sit on the toilet for a time. For example, every 2hrs or so it's potty time.  
    *You could start making him be a part of the clean up. Most people don't want to be dealing with poo so if he has to clean it up, maybe he won't make the mess.
    *Employ the "your friends all use the bathroom" tactic. It's up to you if you think this "peer pressure" will work.
    *Maybe even get him a toddler potty he can keep in his room or in a specific spot so he can have easy access to a potty. Just like with toddlers. My 2 yr old is using her potty all the time for poops and I found that it really started when I gave her her own potty. We actually take it with us everywhere.  (The Baby Bjorn Little Potty) You never know when a big potty is not accessible, but the little potty is always in reach.
   * I would also practice EC - Elimination communication. This is what worked for my daughter. It's a natural, no pressure approach to learning to use the potty. Obviously, this is geared towards infants and toddlers, ages birth to 3-4yrs old. But I believe it would be helpful for your 10yr old as well. Check out the book - "Diaper-Free Baby" and the following websites:
www.diaperfreebaby.org
www.natural-wisdom.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elimination_communication

There are yahoo groups and forums for EC and EC Late Starters....

Take an active approach to this problem, don't wait for it to "fix itself". He's been doing this for 10yrs....don't waitfor another 10yrs to go by before you really do something about it. the longer you wait, I believe, the harder it will be 'cuz he'll have been doing oit for SO long.

Good luck, I hope all goes well for you both.

[goose101]

My 5yr old has the same problem in that he was constipated for a long time when he was younger and then began going in his underwear.  For convenience in cleaning him up his mom put him in pull-ups.  He has started kindergarten this year and only goes for 3 hrs -no problems  there yet.   Some days he goes to daycare after school and has had an "accident" there and tried to clean it up himself, but really made a mess so had to have a bath and other clothes  put on him.  When his mom took him to the doctor he put him on a lactulose to keep him loose. The doctor said he may have encopreses. This means his muscles in his rectum became weak from being constipated and now they need time to re-strengthen.   So far nothing has worked.  She sends him to the bathroom on a regular basis to "try" to do a BM.   If you can figure out an answer to your dilemna I would love to hear what it is.   As a second thought -My step-grandson soiled his underwear into his teen years and he is a grown man now so don't know how things go at this time.  There was mixed opinions from the doctors as to what his problem was.