My 11 month old refuses to listen

[Snugglepuppies]

I'm sure there will be a lot of negitive responses to this but...

Every mother in the world will understand what I mean when I say that they can tell what a child wants by their cry.  When he's wet it's a small little "eh", when he's soild, he does a little "erh".  When he wants his bottle he'll cry a normal baby cry.

But when he tries to touch the stuff on the table, the computer, whatever it is that he's not allowed to touch, he gets SO MAD!  He shakes, rattles his fists, he's even kicked/punched me throwing a tantrum like a two year old.  He KNOWS what the word "No!" means, and I know he does.  He glares at me, shakes his fists and yells, and goes back to doing what I said no to.  I'll take it away, move him away, point to it and tell him no, (in a stern voice), and then hand him a toy and (sweetly) say, "Play with a toy," point to what it was he wanted and say (in a stern voice) NO! and (handing him the toy saying sweetly) toy."  

Every single time I tell him no, he does the same thing.  He shakes, has his distinct I-am-peeed-off-at-you cry, THROWS the toy down, and goes right back to what he was trying to do.

It's not once a day.  It's not once an hour.  It's about every two seconds.

I am very consistent with him, but I don't know what else to do......

PLEASE help because I am loosing my mind.

[margypops]

No slamming today come back tomorrow though, lol   You son sounds like one smart cookie sometimes you have to let them yell its okay ...Its tiring but trust me time flies , I wish mine were that age now ....

[RockRose]

He sounds like my first child.  Except the tantrumming part - really,  my son would just work and work and work to get at what he wanted.  I had to devise cabinet locks because commercial ones weren't good enough,  and I had to anchor a spare car seat to the coffee table and literally buckle him in to the carseat in front of the tv for my 3 minute shower.  Otherwise during that three minutes God only knows what he would have gotten into.  I was SO JEALOUS of mothers of girls,  and of very passive boys,  that would just sit there or play for long periods of time on a blanket with one or two toys.  Man.  

If you don't want him to play with the remote it needs to be up and out of sight.  That's hard to do,  I know.  

We also had to retrofit our TV with a plexiglass shield so that he was physically unable to touch the buttons.  Or he would.  

Also,  we had no houseplants.  

But,  they do grow up.  He's in college now and is completely normal.  ;D  

[angelinamarina]

oh. well.  i have a 6 year old that is still acting like your son, every 10 minutes it is something to throw a fit about.  My mom says most families do not get by unscathed.  Meaning, one kid is easy, and the next one is not.

He will be a great adult....knows what he wants and how to get it....but you may have a frustrating 6-8 years.   Try to be patient and realize that some people say that it is the smart ones that test us.

angi

[Snugglepuppies]

To answer the questions, the father figure of the house is finishing college.  (I work 3rds so I can stay with the kids.)

My daughter is old enough where she can wash herself.  Her hair is long so, I help her with it, but she loves taking a bath and I let her stay in there as long as she wants, with the door open.

I would let him stand next to the tub but he tries getting in the tub.

He did have a bath first.

But yeah, I see your guys' points.  I know that what I'm doing now isn't working, so, I need to change it before all my hair is gone :).

The thing of it is, he is such a pain in the butt.  But, I love my little pain in the butt.   Haha.

[Victoria01]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I do have a question.

If you are in the bathroom giving your daughter a bath and you are trying to keep him out of the bathroom...who is in the other room watching him? He really shouldn't be left alone at that age and he may just want to be with you and his sister. Is it possible to just let him stand next to the tub while you give your daughter a bath? (assuming there is nobody that can watch him while you do it.)

Another thing that you could try is giving him his bath first so that he has time to play in the tub and when he is done (and you are diapering and dressing him) give you daughter a bath. This way he has played in the water and still in the bathroom, but occupied by your dressing him ect...I don't know how you do things at home, so I don't know if it will work, but it's just a suggestion. :)

As for the remote, specialmom makes a good point. Keep it out of reach so the temptation won't be there for him. It will save you both the headache.

[specialmom]

They CAN be very persistent, can't they?! lol  Well, I learned to do things very quickly when my kids were tiny.  I think I would have started the bath and let the water run for a few minutes with him in the hall, put him in the playpen or one of the other happy for 5 minute options, had her get in the tub (you don't say how old she is), washed her while he was "stuck" in the other thing for 5 to 8 minutes saying to him, it is sissy's turn now and then I'd get her out and start drying her off and have her in her nice warm towel, get him out of the "thing" which he is surly crying by now (which is okay, kids can cry.)---  and put him in the tub for a 5 to 8 minute bath telling him NOW is his turn.  Everybody is clean and safe.  He may cry but that is okay.  You are keeping him safe for a short period while attending to your other child and then you point out when it is his turn.  

Better yet, is dad around?  He could take your son to another part of the house and totally distract him . . .

As far as the remote, put it up high (we have a really high fireplace mantle) and distract him with something else.  

Make your life easier, think ahead.  Remote is a problem, keep it up high at all times.  You are still teaching him not to touch it but you are removing the temptation to do so.  I had certain things that I didn't want my kids to touch and certain things that I would die if they got broken (well not really, it is all just stuff, right?)----  but the things I were most concerned about, I removed from the room and just practiced on the others,  i'd say "no, mamma's pretties".  Then when they were about 3, I got out the valuable stuff and could say no touching and they didn't even consider it.  But for constant problems like the remote and bath, make your life easier and plan it ahead of time assuming he will have an issue.  How can you make it less of an issue?  
Goodluck

[Snugglepuppies]

Margypops - No, I don't think think that was a "negative" comment.  I actually thought I was going to get slammed, because I've posted this question on a couple other sights and was basically told I was a terrible mother.  I'm actually quite impressed.

A little bit of background info - I have two kids, and didn't experice this at all with my firstborn.  She is an amazing child and I rarley have any problems with her.

My house is baby-proofed as much as it can be.  He doesn't get into cubbords, the trash, stuff like that.  It's the few things that I need in the house to be accessible that he feels the need to touch.  

I play with him, and so does his sister, all the time.  When I need to shower, or step away from him for a little bit, I can put him in a play-pen or a walker, or a little jungle jim thing that he can't (yet) get out of, and he'll do fine for about five minutes.  Then he's frusterated and wants out, but when I step away I only step away for a few minutes and that's not really the problem.

An example of this was, I was giving my daughter a bath.  (Even though he's young, and she is, I don't feel it's appropriate to give them baths at the same time and I doubt I would be okay just letting him in the tub trying to make sure he doesn't fall down while trying to wash her hair anyways)

My son went to the bathroom, and tried to crawl in the tub.  For 20 straight minutes, I picked him up, told him no, carried him to the toys and tried to play with him.  He threw the toys down and went back. Over and over and over again....

Then, I even tried to take him into the kitchen and let him play in the sink figuring I could distract him with playing with water.  He was struggiling so much and throwing such a fit that I set him down, and he crawled right back to the bathroom.

I guess I could have gave in and brought him to the tub to let him in, but that isn't teaching him anything.

So, after somewhere between 30-45 minutes of dealing with it, I was beginning to get too frusterated, so I picked him up and put him in his crib, and let him scream and throw a fit.  (Please don't bash me here but at that point, I couldn't deal with it any more.)

I let him cry (and by cry I mean more or less b*tch because he wasn't really crying he was throwing a tantrum), until he quieted down.  (Maybe five minutes later.)

After he quieted down, I went and picked him up out of the crib.  I held him, gave him a kiss and he gave me a hug, and I set him down to play with him, and he crawls right back to the bathroom.  

I told him no, and he screamed, and then got quiet and went to play with his toys, finally.

While this whole thing is going on, I'm also trying to bathe my daughter and show her attention too so that she doesn't get jealous of her new brother.

By the time it took for me to get her hair brushed, he was trying to take the remote off of the table.  Which he's not allowed to touch, (not a toy), and again, we went through another hour debate on me trying to get him to stop touching it.

Basically, this happens on a daily baises, and has been happening for the last 6 months or so.  And I just hope this isn't a preview of what the next couple years with him are going to be like.

[margypops]

May be a good idea to play with him 11 month olds require attention, do you take lots of breaks and have playtime then do most of your work when he is resting .he sees you are doing something else other than being with him, sound normal for his age , negative or not thats my opinion ........

[RockRose]

I agree with the others.  

Snuggle,  you need to child proof your house where their is virtually nothing he can get at that he's not allowed to.  And then on top of that,  allow him to make messes of all the contents of the lower cabinets (tupperware,  wooden bowls,  moving gadgets without sharp blades,  etc.).  

Having a child who is very curious and wants to play with everything is a good sign.  Let him do it.  And occasionally change up the stuff in the cabinets and on the tables so there is something wonderful and brand new to explore.

The rest of the stuff,  lock it up and away.  

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Victoria has given really good advice.  Every parent goes through this.  It is a hard time for moms and very tiring.  When you first one starts moving all around, you get all excited and think it is great.  Until you realize the damage they can do to themselves and your things.  So when my second got mobile, I thougt----  Oh No.  Here we go again!  because I knew what I was in for.  But they grow out of it.  As they get older and older, they increase impulse control and learn to communicate frustration in appropriate ways.  But they need a role model with that, so try to remain calm and patient.  Knowing that is hard, give yourself a break sometimes to just be you and not mommy!

Again, I think Victoria gave you excellent advice.  good luck and I like your name.

[Victoria01]

First, take a deep breath and relax. :) We all get frustrated, we just have to find different ways to deal with it.

Have you tried baby proofing your home so that he cannot reach these things? It would save you, and him, so much frustration if he just couldn't reach them in the first place.

Since he isn't even a year old yet, there really isn't much to do except to distract him. If he is getting into things, take him to a different area and play with him. If you are trying to cook dinner, ect...and he is getting into things, give him pots and pans to play with on the kitchen floor. Babies at this age need constant attention and supervision as they do not quite understand how to play alone yet.  

As for the hitting and kicking. Simple is better. Tell him "No Hit" and then distract him. It will take a lot of time and consistency.

He sounds like a normal 11 month old who is exploring their world. He may understand the word NO, but maybe not quite the concept behind it yet. My 3 1/2 year old definitely understand the word, but that doesn't mean he likes it or always stops doing what he's doing.

Babies cannot communicate what they want directly, so they do it by crying, whining, and their actions. Try to stay calm when you deal with him, and in turn he will, eventually, learn to be calm himself. Good luck!