My 12 year old daughter masterbates in her room

My daughter is looking up nasty sites lately like *** traffic or anything with girls and guys. I seen her in her room with this toy and sticks it in her private all the time so i end up throwing it away. Also I had blocked all those sites but she stills masterbates in her room. I took off the lock and check on her every once and a awhile that I can. I'm a single mom with 1 girl. She has plenting things to do. She had a talk with me about sex, but she ignores it. What should I do?

[April2]

Well, the first thing I'd do is put a block on your computer to block her from getting to sites she shouldn't be seeing. We have a spyware on our computer that we put on a long time ago and it's the best thing we've ever done. We were upfront and honest with our kids and told them we'd be watching what they're doing.
Next, you need to sit down and have a calm but serious talk with her. You need to explain how these porn sites are not giving an accurate picture of what a normal, loving relationship should be like. It's all about sex, and usually perverted sex at that. Explain to her how dangerous it is to stick things up inside her and that she can really hurt or damage herself or cause a bad infection. Tell her it's normal to be curious and want to know about sex and promise her that she can always come talk to you with any questions she has and that you will be open and honest with her and answer her questions but for her own health and safety she needs to not participate in things that are harmful to her emotionally, spiritually as well as physically.

Next, I'd get her involved in things that will really keep her busy and even help tire her out (in a good way!) like sports, karate, etc. Good clean fun that's good for her.

I know being a single mom makes it harder but you can do it. Just try to keep the communication lines open with her. Talk to her every day. Take her out and have some bonding time with her, whether it be shopping, out to eat, whatever. Do some fun things with her to help develop a closer relationship with her and she should start opening up more with you. Best wishes to you both!

[AppleEggby]

I think it's ridiculous to pretend that adolescent girls don't experience raging hormones just like adolescent boys. At this age, kids are going through a lot of physical and psychological changes, and masturbation is normal. Freaking out about it and making it out to be gross or abnormal is only going to either promote an unhealthy relationship with sex that lasts into adulthood, or it is going to convince her that you just don't get her (or are repulsed by her) and push the two of you further apart. Very likely, both of these things will occur.

So, even though I understand your unease with your 12 year old sexually maturing so fully so early, I would say that her masturbating isn't really your problem. You can throw away her "toy", you can take the lock off her door; heck, you can take the whole door off her room - she's still going to do it. Reasonable, responsible, non-hysterical sex education is needed so that she understands any dangers and doesn't end up injuring herself. You've got to be totally open and frank with her about this now. Hopefully the two of you can develop a relationship that provides her with the support she needs to be strong and avoid jumping into partner sex way too early.

You do need to keep her away from the porn sites, but I think you need to discuss this with her, rather than simply blocking the sites. She needs to know why. Unfortunately, porn sites are generally geared toward men, and as such, they do not often display good female role models. It's usually all about submitting to male desires, and seems never to be about sex within a committed relationship. Not to mention the issues with female body image. Suffice it to say that the whole medium is a minefield for a fragile developing 12 year old psyche. (Plus, keeping her away from these sites lessens the likelihood that she gets exposed to online predators.)

The upshot is that you've got to communicate, communicate, communicate! I know it's difficult, but she is your daughter; and no matter how uncomfortable, you owe it to her.

[April2]

Yes, masturbation is normal, no sticking any ol' thing up inside of you and/or watching porn is not healthy or good for her. She's only 12. Unfortunately, even though porn is supposed to be only for adults the computer seems to be easy access to that garbage.
I do agree that she really needs to talk to her daughter and explain all of this. I feel sorry for kids now days. They grow up way too fast. I was still playing with Barbies at 12 years old for crying out loud. The computer has brought a lot of good but boy, has it brought a lot of bad, too. The computer definitely needs to be monitored more. It is so hard to raise kids in this day and age. I know our parents never worried about this kind of stuff, that's for sure.

[Aubzz]

This is ridiculous! Let your daughter experiment at an age like this, because not giving her a chance will probobly lead to real-life experiences with boys. You definetly HAVE to understand that this happends to a lot of girls this age. You shouldn't be blocking anything, and give her privacy