My 3 year old girl resists getting dressed

[skppjncl]

I have a 3 year old daughter.  She is quite bright and very strong willed, these traits were obvious at a very young age.  I view her personality in a positive light.  I find that the behaviors she exhibits are very normal, I'm just not sure how to handle them.  Five months ago we moved away from friends and family , this major life change along with the addition of a new baby 10 months ago and starting preschool 2 mornings per week are a lot for her to deal with.  We travel home frequently for a 3-4 day stay each time and this change in routine adds to her adjustment. Overall she has dealt with both changes very well, but as expected seeks control through her behavior.  She will refuse to get dressed and or put on shoes.  She will actually miss out on activities that she thoroughly enjoys. I think some of it is a tactile sensitivity ( I have to cut the tags out of everything) but mostly I think this is a way for her to control her environment.  I've tried several techniques (some of which i'm not proud of like yelling )to help her through this, giving her choices, sticker charts with rewards, taking a favorite toy away that she can earn back, and giving in and letting her be naked or in just panties for entire days.  Unfortunately there are certain times in life when we have to be fully clothed (yes sometimes I feel like moving to a nudist colony).  I don't want to continue to struggle over this.  How can I respect her feelings but also teach her that she needs to get dressed, at least to go to school (which she loves once she's there).  Please any advice.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It sounds like you are dealing with her personality in a practical, sensible manner, and I'm endorsing what you are already doing. The best route to your goal is straightforward limit-setting, accompanied by frequent (if necessary) utilization of time out. You might take a look at Lynn Clark's very useful book called SOS: Help for Parents. The behavior management approach he details will likely be congruent with the general way you approach your daughter.

[Christie2004]

I think you are right on the money with the idea of control--so many things are happening that are out of her control that this is the one thing that not only can she control, but she can push your buttons as well!

I'd see if there weren't some choices she could make during the day--what video to watch, what snacks to have, or what home activities to choose, without letting her become a tyrant, of course!

I'd also be inclined to take a nice picture of some extremely coveted toy she might want, and post it WITH the sticker chart.  A check mark for each time she gets dressed without fighting (try to let her choose the clothes, even if they are mismatched).  I think even a 3 year old could grasp the concept of this.  

I might also calmly leave her with a sitter to go out if she won't get dressed.  Perhaps make the statement "Oh, I'm sad you don't want to get dressed so you can go to the zoo today.  We'll miss you!  But I'm sure you and (sitter's name) will have a good time here".

Also--offer her the choice of WHEN she wants to get dressed.  "Do you want to get dressed before breakfast, or after?"  

I'm sure the doc will have lots of great ideas.  Good luck!

[skppjncl]

Thank you for the helpful responses, today went much better.  I'll head all advice and move forward.