My 3 year old grandson says he does not like me anymore.

My grandson who just turned three years old on Saturday, November 12, has recently been saying things about me to his parents such as, "I don't like Mimi anymore", and I don't want to go to Mimi's house."  I have kept this child overnight in my home since he was only weeks old and helped my daughter-in-law with him at their home from the 1st week of his birth when my son went back to work. He has always shown nothing but love for me up until now.  Needless to say, I am dumbfounded and extremely hurt!  The last time their whole family was at my house, he asked to go home almost from the time they arrived until the time they left.  He was not happy at all that day to be here. The last time both of the boys were at my house was recently when my daughter-in-law was sick and they asked me to keep the boys for the day.  The 3 year old got sick and was running a fever by the afternoon.  They told me he was fine the next morning.  I thought nothing of it at the time but looking back on it have thought that my grandson could be remembering that as a traumatic event.  
     I have searched my mind for anything that could make him suddenly feel this way about me and the one thing that comes to mind is when my son was in the hospital for several days with meningitis under quarantine.  My daughter-in-law stayed at the hospital with him day and night and the boys stayed at my house with me.  The three year old was very homesick and missed his daddy very much but I kept him entertained and gave them both extra love and attention.  This was a pretty traumatic event in his life knowing his daddy was sick in the hospital and he couldn't be with him!  I thought that specific event could somehow be associated in his mind and have some bearing on his feelings toward me.  Could it all be a part of separation anxiety from one or both parents, or because the separations involved them staying at my house? Could my house and myself bring feelings of insecurity that are related to his fever at my house and my son

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It will be important for you not to take this personally. You obviously love your granchildren and are going above and beyond in helping them out and being devoted to them. It may well be that the association between the streses and staying at your house has had an influence on your grandson. Who knows? The mind of a three-year-old is hard to fathom. Without overdoing it or putting any pressure on him, it certainly makes sense to inquire 'how come' he is making the observations he is making. Askinh him 'what would make it better' is also a reasonable approach. He may offer a clue, but he may well not. Young children are not famous, due to limited cognitive skills, for being able to identify thought processes or motivations. It's best to react in a casual way and continue to have short exposures to your home. This reaction will wane; it's the life of a pre-schooler.

[jdtm]

Dear Grandma:

Our six-year old grandson does not like to stay at his maternal grandparent's home.  He has been very adamant about this for several years.  Finally, (as the paternal grandmother), I asked him "why does he not like to stay at Gram's house?" expecting some long and involved answer about the issue of strictness, the emphasis on religious traditions, and or the distance from his home.  He said, "Gram does not let me eat sugar".  

My point - until you learn differently, assume it is a minor issue.  Always let him know you love him and he is always welcome to come and stay at your home (for whatever length of time that seems appropriate).  It is possible that even he is not aware of "why" he does not want to stay away from his parents.  Unconditional love - that's what we as grandparents do.

[oceans3]

it  sounds like a good majority of the times he spends the night its because someone is sick. he is probably associating being there with someone being sick or in the hospital? sounds like he is worried/afraid. its not you he "dislikes" its the situation. he is much more aware of things now and staying on an over night may not be comfortable for any three yr old. they go through so many changes and needs to be in the comfort of his own home and bed...
i think thats the reason he is feeling this way and has nothing to do w. you. they just are not able to articulate their feelings and thats how it comes out. it will all be fine...with time.

[kathat]

I had a similiar experience with 1 of my grandsons....this kind of talk almost always comes from them hearing the concept someplace else. Don't take to heart...when they hear new concepts they practice on those close to them. If you ignore it it will go away.
My grandson had contact with a boy a couple years older who was at a different social level at school and kept saying things about frienship and not liking or playing with etc... the little one would ask me "r u my friend"? or "I don't like you and you can't play with me"!
Haha I told him "no I'm not your friend, you silly, I'm your gramma" and "It's not nice to say you don't like someone" and I would laugh and say "well- I LOVE you, so there"
Remember they are just practicing what they hear and see on you...your reaction teaches them if they are appropriate.

[dustbucket]

My four year old has been very rude to my mother. He says he does not like nanny and does not want to go anywhere with her. This has been very upsetting for her and I do not know how to deal with this behaviour. he is usually a nice boy who is receptive to most people. My mother is a nice lady if somewhat over affectionate at times. I have observed her cornering my son for hugs or to tickle him despite his squeals of protest. Her intentions are well meant but understandably my son is becoming more rigid in his aversion to her. I have tried to tell her to back off in as diplomatic terms possible but her response seems to be to come on stronger. She adores him and is fearful of her poor health and age. What can I do to protect the feelings of both parties? I owe my son the respect he deserves when he insists on boundary issues, yet my mother feels rejected by her grandson and this has terrible repercussions on her self esteem...help?
dustbucket

[mamumilly]

A related discussion, grandson does not like me anymore was started.

[baebae686]

A related discussion, My grandson appears to like the other grandmother more than me was started.