My 3 year old makes me Sad.

[SadMom123]

I am the mother of a 3 year old little boy and very concerned about the way my only child acts.  The words that have been used to describe my son have been defiant, strong-willed, non-stop energy, doesn’t listen, no respect, always on the go, and type “A” personality.

My husband and I feel like we are being held hostage and we are afraid that he is missing some wonderful childhood memories because of his behavior. He attends a pre-school and for the most part is fine when he is there. Just the other day he went into the backyard by himself and I explained in a serious tone why this was wrong and he said “okay”, but when I told him he had to go to timeout for 3 minutes he started screaming and in a blink of an eye jumped up and kicked me with all his force in the leg, I screamed “no” and placed him back in timeout and that is when the spitting started.

Last week at the beach for whatever reason my son had a really good day, so good in fact that he and I walked to Ice Cream, holding hands the entire way (he never does that), and when he saw the toy store just simply said “look mommy toys”. I expressed my pleasure in his behavior and told him that we could do this all the time if he continued having good days. This memory will stay with me forever because (now I’m typing with tears rolling down my face) it’s the only pleasant memory I have with him right now.

I just can't seem to control him. Whenever possible I take him to the backyard to run off energy.  We are very consistent with timeout and a few times has received a "pop" on the butt when appropriate. A few weeks ago my mother was visiting and he was acting up in the restaurant, throwing food, laying on the floor, and crawling under tables and I took him into the bathroom for a talk and he started to mock me. My mom thinks he needs professional help.

I love my son more anything but hate the way he acts. Any suggestions? Is this normal? Any ideas who I could talk to?

[tiredmomof2]

Sad Mom:  I hope you read my comments.  I have 2 children 18 months apart.  My oldest (son) was an absolute terror at 3, 4, and 5.  His behavior sounds a lot like your 3 year old.  At 3, my son would urinate on the floor every time I put him in time out.  For a long time, I treated it like he just had an accident because I thought he would stop if I acted like it did not bother me, but after months I had had enough.  One day I tied a windbreaker around his waist and made him wear his wet shorts all day long after he had an "accident" in time out.  He is a smart kid, so he leared to pull his pants down before peeing on the floor after that so I had to switch time out to the bathroom and then I would make him clean it up off the tile.  This is just one example of  many of the behavior I have experienced with my child.  I have cried so many nights after he is finally in bed.  The reason I am writing is because you mentioned he has NO problems.  My son was always an angel at school.  He even got an Excellent Behavior award in Kindergarten.   I was going to have my son tested, but his peditrician told me that although it is extreme, he is just punishing me when he doesn't get his way or is punished for something.  I am happy to report that my son is now in first grade and doing soooo good.  He is finally growing up and his impulse control has improved by leaps and bounds.  Not to say that you don't need to get your son tested, but wanted to let you know that there is probably light at the end of the tunnel.  The fact that he does behave at school tells me he knows how to behave and can behave.  One book that I read that helped is "The Explosive Child".  It really helps.  Good Luck

[kidslover]

Here is a little sugesion. This is the age for the kids doing nonsense. Don't try to fit him in to your kind of frame. Don't teach him what he needs to do. Just tell him it should not be the wat and ingnore. Don't put more stess on him to learn things. you can ignore waht he is doing and for give him with a smile. kids are like energy balls...you just need to divert the energy to +ve by giving him trying in swimming, scating etc...
Keep $500 for house cleaning and let him do what ever he wants... Kid are not always alike.. eventually they change and you can have lot of fun. Just Do't do and say what ever he doesn't like and let him do that you don't like and don't want. eventually he will be lot okay. Don't drive him CRAZY. You change 1st and let him change. As a mother of nice little 2 kids(6 and 3), I promise you he will be okay. As a indian mother even I allow my kids to brock a wall in my house. But I never allow them to hurt some body as well as them selves.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No, the behavior cannot be regarded as within the normal spectrum. The challenge is to figure out why it is occurring and to develop a systematic plan to address it. A key goal in evaluating childhood behavior problems is to determine if the behavior is symptomatic of an emotional disorder (e.g., mood disorder, anxiety disorder, disruptive behavior disorder, pervasive developmental disorder) or if it indicates behavioral problems and difficulties in the parent/child interactiob  in the absence of emotional disturbance. Now, in one sense the issue is more one of semantics than anything else, because one way or the other the behavior has to be managed - there's no substitute for that (by the way, as you may know if you read this Forum, for behavior management you can't do better than Lynn Clark's SOS help for Parents). But it is important nonetheless to rule out any organized mental or emotional disorder, because such disorders have implications for treatment. It would be prudent for you to seek an evaluation with a pediatric mental health clinician to figure this out. It can get better, but it will likely not get better without an organized intervention plan.

[momcrazy]

Hello, I wish I had some advice for you but, I don't because I'm in the same boat. I've written on here before about my daughters behavior. She just turned four. She has no respect for me at all, she yells and bosses me around. She flips out over nothing. Before I play with her, I tell her to be good when were done and listen to mommy so she can play with you again. It seems like everytime I play with her, her behavior is worse after that. I find myself about to blow up. I told her I wasn't playing with her anymore until she learned to be nicer and started listening. I don't even want to play with her anymore, I count the minutes until she goes to bed because I can't handle it anymore. I feel like a horrible mother for feeling this way but, I can't help it. I'm a stay at home mom, and we spend everyday together, and she was supposed to go to pre-school this year but, they didn't have any room left in her class. Sorry that I can't help you, I hope you find the answers you're looking for.