My 3 year old may have ADHD or behavioral problems.

[ssilver01]

My son just turned 3 in December of 08, ever since he started walking he has been non-stop. He does things he knows hes not supposed to and no sort of punishment works. He doesnt take naps EVER, and beileve me if it was at all possible he would. Even at bedtime, after hes been up from 9am-10-11pm he is still very difficult to get to sleep, he will lay there kick his legs, move his hands and arms, make noises, etc.. and this goes on for at least a hour or more.  He doesnt do this every night, probably 3-5 days a week. Throughout the day hes non-stop, from one thing to the next. He never sits still unless hes eating something and watching TV, and that only lasts until hes done eating. He gets into every thing in the house, going in our bedroom and getting in the closets and just dragging out stuff, climbing on counters and getting in cabinets, and this is a repeated process every day. And I have tried every type of punishment. We cant take him out to eat anywhere because he simply cannot be still or mind. At his recent 3 year old checkup, his pediatrician even thinks he has problems because of how he was acting inside the room. And he only spent 10-15 minutes around him. Only thing he said was we dont do anything until they start school, and next year if he is like this im going to recomend a behavioral therapist. Im thinking to myself , I have to live like this for another year??? Dont get me wrong, I would rather not put him on any medication or anything like that but im at my witts end as to what to do. It is putting a strain on me and my wifes relationship and our lives in general. No one ever wants to keep him, so we never have a day off or a break. I just feel hopless at this point.

[Sally44]

It sounds like he is very impulsive.
Are you happy with his speech and social interaction development (I know you said he doesn't really socialise as you don't take him out), but I just wanted to check that you don't think that autism is part of his difficulties?
Many times ADHD traits and Autism/Aspergers traits are mixed together - so just keep an eye out for that.  For example is he not listening to you because he's being impulsive or because his attention and focus are on what he is doing and he appears deaf to anything you say to him, or do you talk to him and he appears not to understand what you are saying to him?
I think it would be very helpful to find a parent support group, especially if they socialise together.  You will meet other families in the same situation who will have been through it all before and will have alot of help and advice they can offer you.  If they socialise as a group it will give you the opportunity for your child to socialise with other children without having to worry about your child's behaviour - because all the children will be the same.
If he is heading towards a diagnosis of ADHD there should be nurseries that have experience and expertise with children like this.  So I wouldn't keep him at home because both you and he need time doing other stuff.  And if he does have ADHD you can't keep him at home with you forever because of his behaviour.  He needs the right educational environment.  Find out if you need a diagnosis to get a place at a special nursery/school that will meet his needs.  If you do go back to the paediatrician because those places in special nurseries/schools get filled up quickly and delaying the process of getting a diagnosis could mean there are no special educational places available to your son.  That could mean you have to go to an educational tribunal etc just to get an appropriate school place.  Go and visit any nurseries that cater for children with ADHD.  I am sure some will be a mixture of special needs and mainstream children.  You need the supports/strategies/therapies to be happening now when they have a greater effect on the child.  
My understanding of what the Paediatrician has said is that he wants to wait until he starts school to see how he does.  This will mean he starts school at 5(?), school will contact you after around 6 months with their concerns, he will be referred (meaning another 4-6 months), they will begin assessments and observations (which may last around 18 months), you finally get a diagnosis when he is 7.  If it is decided he needs to be in a school that has experience and expertise in ADHD you may well find that all the places in junior school are already taken by the children coming up through the infant school.  That is what happened to me, and that is why I ended up at an Educational Tribunal.  I did win it, but if I hadn't been delayed or about 3 years he would have been in the right infant school that fed through to the special needs/mainstream junior school.
And in your post you've already said you can't wait another year!  
I presume you are in the USA?  Other people (in the autism forums), have said that there are early intervention teams for children.  I don't know if ADHD is also covered - but I would think it is worth finding out about.

[ssilver01]

Hi, and thanks for your response. And yeah we have already tried cutting out sugars, caffeine, etc.. it doesnt seem to play a part in it at all, its like he is fueled from the tired feeling, as he gets sleepier he gets worse. And I know he doesnt get to play and get out enough, especially in the winter, but hes like this year round. During the warm seasons I take him to the park that is near my house and that is probably more tiring to me, sense he doesnt listen and will just run off and I have to be right there near him. Ive tried explaining it to my mother who says " ohh hes just a normal 3 year old boy, he just needs to get out and run". Its alot easier said than done. Its not like we could go outside just stand there and let him run up and down the road and he'll run off all that energy, thats just not gonna happen. When we do go outside he wants to go to the neighbors houses and see if he can open their door and open the car, etc.. so it becomes just a larger area for him to do the same thing that he does inside. What ive told you so far is just some of how he is, when he was 2 he would get whole gallons of milk out of the fridge, have the lid off and poured out in the floor before I could even get there. When we first moved in here I put safety locks on all the cabinets, drawers, doors, etc.. about 2 or 3 of them are still in-tact, hes broke the rest. He broke our oven door, just too many things to name. I will watch him when hes doing something, he knows its wrong but its like he cant help it. Hes just now starting to talk alot more and understand things a little better, but by now he should understand what no means! I know as he gets older it will get better, just dealing with it day in and day out is really hard. I try to get him interested in things, it may last 5-10 minutes then hes off to something else. And I also know part of the problem is hes not around kids his age enough but theres no way he could go to pre-school or a day care right now. He will not even just sit with me at home for any ammount of time, no matter if im watching cartoons with him or whatever it may be. Im just taking it 1 day at a time and keep hoping for the best. I appreciate your input and suggestions, I have found it also helps just talking about it to people who understand. Thanx alot.

[Sally44]

I thing you've been fobbed off by the paediatrician.  No disrespect to you, it happens to us parents all the time.  If he is as you descibe all day long regardless of what opportunities he has to let off steam, and the paediatrician also noticed his behaviour.  Then I would go back to them and say you cannot cope anymore without knowing what is going on with your son and that you want him assessed by a team of professionals.  The sooner he gets a diagnosis, if he needs one, the sooner he should have access to therapies or programmes that will help him and you all as a family.
I presume you are in the USA?  Find out about support groups for children with ADHD (if that is where you think you are heading), also contact any national organisations in your country for ADHD and ask if there are any services for supporting parents eg. in the UK you can get a volunteer who will come to your house to play with your child, or accompany you on family outings, or babysit, etc.  Waiting times in the UK are around a year to get a volunteer - but they are worth getting because otherwise your life does become tied to the child because you can't leave them with anyone plus you are too exhausted to even think about going out.
I'm sure you've already looked at removing any stimulants from food and drink as well as E numbers, reduce/remove sugar, caffeine as in cola etc.  If you have a family history of asthma, skin conditions, allergies etc then it is worth considering whether that is a factor.  But don't become obsessed with this route as any problems along this line are usually recognisable early on.
And also make sure he cannot access certain places eg. cupboards etc.  At 3 it is hard for a child to sit still for any length of time.  But I'm sure you're already comparing his behaviour to his peers and he is just too overactive compared to them.
If sleep is a big problem you can talk to your GP about that.  If he does go on to get a diagnosis then as a family you tend to have to look at lifestyle changes eg. take turns to stay up with him if he isn't sleeping so that at least one of you gets a good nights sleep.  I have a child with an autistic spectrum disorder and my husband and I tend to sleep in different bedrooms just so one of us gets a nights sleep whilst the other one is sleeping with him.  And yes, we have tried everything to get him into his own bed - and yes we will try again in the near future.  So you will have to be flexible and adaptable in how you do things.
Try to get him doing as much physical stuff as you can.  Invest in a trampoline, take him swimming, softplay etc etc.  It will get better as he gets older because he will be capable of much more.  At three it is just like a whirlwind going through the house with no purpose.  
Can he keep his focus and attention on something if you structure something for him?  Or is he continually roaming and changing from thing to thing that catches his attention?
Is his speech at the same level as his peers?

[RockRose]

ssilver,  does he have lots of opportunities (daily!) to get out and climb and run and jump with no restrictions at all.  For example,  at the park,  or McDonalds playland,  etc.,  where there are no boundaries at all,  he can do whatever he wants?

It sounds like you need to create locks for the rooms and cabinets you don't want him to get into.  Your description doesn't sound far of - at all - from a lot of preschool boys I know.  

We certainly couldn't take either of our two older boys out to eat and expect to sit at a table and eat when they were that age.    Some parents have calmer boys,  some don't.

Best wishes.