My 3 year old

My 3 year old daughter is very sick. Coughing non stop, runny nose, fever, and her ear hurts. So I took her to a doctor I usually don't see. He looked her over and said "I'm very worried about your daughter!" His face was red!!!! "How many packs a day does your daughter smoke?" I laughed and said "My daughter does not smoke!" He said "You think this is funny? This is not a joke, how much does she smoke?" I said "I, smoke a pack a day." He said "OK she smoke a 1/2 a pack a day." He said she has smokers cough!!!!!!! I said "I have been smoking for a year only and she has always had this cough!" He said "She is in here every month, same symptoms, when are you going to stop doing this!! I can't be your doctor, you need to find someone else!" He was sooooooooo mad and red!!! I started crying. I kept saying I understand, I know, but it's so hard. He kept writing notes in her file. He just kept saying "I can't be her doctor, she has smoker's cough" I said " Do you really need to say this in front of her? It's not her fault, look at how she looks right now." He said "Oh, she doesn't understand" I said "Yes she does, she thinks she is naughty, she knows something is going on between you and me right now." My 6 year old was just staring at him with her jaw dropped!!!! He told me I'm killing my daughter. I never smoke in the same room/car as them. But he grabbed her head hard and said "smell her, she smells like a heavy smoker!" He was so loud that when we left the room, all the nurses were staring at us. I know as soon as I turned that corner, they talked about us - patient confidentiality - not no more!!!

He made me feel like my daughter is on the brink of death, yet he did no tests, barely looked her over. He said "This girl needs closely watched" I felt like the lowest mom on earth!! I couldn't hold it back anymore!!! Was this right of him? I know I will hear lots of opinions, but I am ready for them all. Please let me know what you guys think, Thanks!!
  

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is no doubt, as you recount the events, that the doctor did not manage the situation in a professional manner. As you understandably react to it, and reflect on it, consider two aspects. The first is the most important, and that is your daughter's wellbeing. The doctor's input in that regard is worth taking to heart. The second, his manner of communicating his concern, was way out of line. But take care not to throw out his basic message because of the undignified way he handled himself.

[MomofDG]

I would agree the doctor crossed the line by yelling at you in front of your children. His behavior was inappropriate and created a very uncomfortable situation for your children. My concern about his behavior is mostly for your kids -- not for you. His approach was wrong but his message was right. He was probably just extremely frustrated that a child was ill with a preventable condition that is in your control (assuming the diagnosis is correct). Regardless, rather than give you a lecture on the dangers of smoking when you have kids, which you already know, I hope that this horrible situation will give you the strength you need to try to quit smoking. Don't do it for the doctor; do it for your kiddos. Good luck to you!!!

[PaperMoon3]

I agree, good post MomofDG.  Mindersmomof2,  you must stop smoking for your duaghter's own good some kids just can't tolerate cigarette smoke and you are hurting her. You must stop smoking ASAP.

[888mom]

For me growing up, it was not the smoke.  My mom smoked 3 packs a day in the house.  I had asthma.  Lots of recurring ear infections.  My mom stopped smoking in the house, no change in health.  We all thought it was from the smoking.  Turns out I was allergic to the family cat.  There was cat hair all over the floor, I pet the cat all the time.  The cat licked me, which wasn't good either.  We didn't find out until shortly after the cat died (luckily for the family, they probably would have had to give the cat away which would have made me sad), and after we found out, they replaced all the carpets and the furniture since it was all old anyways.  Maybe your daughter is allergic to the smoke.  Maybe she's allergic to somethign else.  You need to figure out what is goign on, and with your current doctor sounds like you won't find out if he's just going to yell.  If she was sick like that before you started smoking, and you don't smoke in the house or the car, get her checked for allergies, especially if you have pets or mold.  If you own or rent a house that had pets before you moved in, maybe the carpets are not great.  Make sure your house/apartment does not have a mold problem.  Carpets can have mold.  Basements can have mold.  Walls can have mold.  Allergy problems can cause recurring sickness.  Postnasal drip can get infected and cause bronchitis and ear infections.  

It might be something other than allergies as well.  What if she has a disease?  I don't know what is out there, not meaning to freak you out.  You totally need to find a different doctor.  

Stopping smoking is a good thing for your health.  Okay, you can skip this paragraph if you don' twant the lecture.  My mom has smoked for long time and she now has smokers cough, beginning of emphazema.  She used to smoke 3 packs, cut down to 1 a long while ago, and doctor now tells her she must stop.  The longer you smoke, the harder it is to stop smoking.  I really understand how hard it is to stop something.  My mom still can't quit, and she's tried so many times.  The gum, the patch, cold turkey, medications.  Nothing worked.  Some people it does work, some it doesn't.  At least you said you don't smoke in the house/car that kids are in.  That's a really good thing.

Hang in there, get a different doctor.  Doctors should not yell at you.  His behavior was inappropriate, I'd report it to someone.  Not sure whom to report it, but maybe you coudl find out.