My 4 1/2 yr old still does stinkies in his pants

[JLGatoh]

He knows how to use the potty and has many times to do stinkies when it's convenient.  At first we thought he was constipated, couldn't because of it or scared for some reason.  It is now clear that these are not the reason.  His daycare director says he hides to do it, does not bother to tell anyone he needs to change his pants and then shows no remorse for having done it.  He does it almost three times a week and sometimes more than once a day!!  She is not sure how much longer he can stay there!  He is strong willed and good at finding excuses and loopholes.  Sticker chart rewards for staying clean with a prize after so many worked for a while but he lost interest.  We have tried to punish him with taking away a certain privilege and even time out.   Doesn't seem to phase him.....any suggestions?


This discussion is related to 4 1/2 year old having trouble with potty training.

[treazzure007]

As a former daycare teacher, this problem used to really get to me!  Im not sure whether some children get a kick out of our reactions or  that they may have experienced problems on the potty(ex. constipation or falling in the seat)  He goes sometimes and sometimes he doesn't?  Iv come across this numerous times and even though I will right suggest you continue what you are currently doing with the rewards chart and things, I will also reassure you that all of the children eventually do stop doing this.  I believe it may be when the other children or classmates take notice and begin talking about it as well.

[tiredbuthappy]

i agree- this is a topic that is frustrating for parents and providers alike. but believe it or not, it is normal and very common. almost every class i've had has had at least one child go through this phase.

i would start by not calling it "stinkies." Such a childish name gives the whole process a baby connotation. bowel movement or even poop is more appropriate for a child that age.

like the previous poster implied, there is no magic solution. we have tried many techniques and it all seems to depend on the child. here are some things we or parents tried.
one parent taught their child to ask for a diaper when they felt the bm coming. while it may seem like this is regression, it is actually getting the child to recognize and acknowledge when the poop is coming. if you choose to do this at home, do not humiliate him. make it matter of fact. if you suspect he may go soon as him if he would like a diaper (or pull-up). some children are genuinely afraid of pooping on the toilet and forcing them will not make it easier. anyways, this parent eventually got their child to poop on the toilet by transitioning the child slowly. first, after putting the diaper on, they had the child have the bm in the bathroom. then while sitting on the toilet while wearing the diaper. always make sure to empty the poop into the toilet so they can see it be flushed down. finally, they put the diaper on but cut a hole in it. the child pooped and got over her fear!

incentives and rewards may or may not work. punishment seems to not work.

some children have predictable bm's. if you see the signs (straining, hiding, etc...) rush him to the bathroom and sit and read together. all it will take is one or 2 successful times.