My 4 Year Old Son's Behavior

[nicholasandcaden]

Since my now 4 year old son was 1 1/2 years old, he has had problems with his temper. At first he started with being upset he wasn't getting what he wanted and crying so hard that he would lose his breath and start having seizures. The most recent instance was about 10 months ago when he was knocked down by our dog and lost his wind and then went into several seizures. We have had tests done only to find that they are all based around temper tantrums. My oldest son of 9 years old was starting to come to me with cuts and bruising on his body from my 4 year old throwing Hot Wheel cars at him when he didn't get what he wanted. We tried time outs and spankings but, none of these things seemed to work. His doctor had given me some information packets to look over with different methods of discipline to try. He told me that if it didn't work in a couple of months to take my son to the behavioral center and have tests done to see if he was adhd. After months of hard work with him we have noticed an improvement on his behavior and thinking that things were looking well. A couple of days ago, my son's preschool teacher called home to inform me that my son refuses to participate in class. Anytime that she would ask a question he would always respond with I don't know. At home we have been practicing his ABC's and he always gets frustrated when he doesn't know an answer and scratches his head or ear then says I don't know. I noticed that when I drop him off for school he doesn't run and play with all the other kids, he wants to stay wrapped around my husband or my leg. He gives looks that would hurt you if they could anytime someone speaks to him. Another thing that concerns me is his talk of killing and hurting people. If I tell him to put his seatbelt on because we don't want to get pulled over by the cops he says I';; take his gun and shoot him. I don't kow if he means it or if he's being serious sometimes. He has a great passion for trucks, atv's, tractors and anything with a motor. He could play for hours by himself at home with his hot wheels. He loves to sing and does really good at knowing the words in a country song. I'm truly worried about my son and I hope that someone can give me good advice.

[specialmom]

A couple of things.  Sometimes kids with tempers need some help identifying what is going on.  There are lots of books at the library for kids that use language and pictures that help kids understand how they are feeling.  My son's described when they felt like they were getting angry as feeling like a storm cloud was blowing in for a long time.  It helps them to see it in themselves.  Once they have the language to use when they are mad, the next thing to do is give them appropriate ways of expressing it.  You can play act (he won't know)----  something that makes you mad and what the appropriate response would be.   The idea would be to get him to use his words, take long,deep, slow breaths, count to 10, give himself a hug (that squeeze is calming), have a peace spot to go to calm down by himself.  

It also helps to look for triggers.  Work with that because that might tell you if there is something in particular you should address with him.  Maybe his older brother is teasing him.  Maybe he is having trouble learning the letters and is frustrated by it so he starts to amp up the level as he is doing it.  Etc.  As you see him getting upset (try to reach it before it hits max level)----  say you look upset.  What can we do to calm down----  use our words, go cool off alone, count, etc.

Lastly, I'd stay really consistent with things.  If he throws a matchbox---- bye bye matchbox for the day. If he has a temper tantrum, don't try to reason with him during.  He calms down first or it will just make it worse.  

Good luck, four is a tough age for sure!!

[benjimom]

Sounds tough.  My son has talked about killing others, he's five and yes it is distressing.  I think kids do this b/c they don't really understand the seriousness of what they are saying.  They probably heard someone else say it.

It might not hurt to get an evaluation done..

My son talked about the killing a lot a few mos. ago, but it has died down.  He would say something about shooting people, etc.  I felt terrible b/c I don't talk like this and we don't watch violent movies.

I find spanking only inflames my son and makes things worse.  I know a lot of people say to do it, easier for those w/out kids to say it!  Also, in a recent book a thing called time aways were mentioned (not time outs).  You put the child in a room and shut the door and let them get their temper out in there alone and learn to deal with their own temper and calm down.  When they calm down, they can come back out. If they try to come out, you go and shut the door again.  

Just a few thoughts....