My 4 year old is having accidents again ( waiting too long)

[at a loss]

My husband and I are so frustrated. Our daughter turned 4 in November.  She's been potty trained for over a year. She knows exactly what to do. No accidents at night, so we have ruled out any physical problem. She has started to wait too long and can't get to the toilet on time. Pull ups were a crutch for her. So after we stopped them, part of her initial training was that after she knew what to do and did it pretty consistently, if she had an accident, she had to go back to where she had the accident, realize that she was supposed to stop what she was doing, and then go through the motions of going potty 5 times to get her in the habit and want to go the first time because she didn't want to go 5 times. We had learned this from a social worker who specialized with special needs children. My daughter is not special needs, but they said it worked well for other children as well.
In the last week, she has had 6 accidents, 2 at preschool (right after she went potty at home and then went again at preschool before I left).  We've tried the 5 times thing again to no avail.  I do confess that we have gotten angry at her about it too.  I don't know if she's acting out because lately I haven't been able to have much time with her as I am 34 weeks pregnant and limited physically ( I also had back surgery recently).  She is extremely bright,loving and understanding.  Is this her way of getting attention? We are frustrated and not sure what to do.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

When children act in an acute, regressive fashion, generally (a) they are ill, or (b) there has been some significant (to them) change in the environment. When change is the culprit, it produces stress and, under stress, behavior becomes more disorganized. Now I can't assume that your pregnancy and whatever it means to your daughter is instrumental in her behavior, but it certainly might be. It'll be hard at times, but try to maintain your equanimity - letting yourself become angry about this is not going to help. If the method you described was helpful, reinstate it. I couldn't tell from the chronology of your note whether it was helpful or not. And remember, your daughter has not achieved mastery over toilet training for any great length of time, so be patient. The good news is that, by the time they enter kindergarten, children have accomplished this task, even though it does take some children longer than others. Be sure to talk with your daughter about your pregnancy and her thoughts about the coming baby.