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My 4 year old is so clingy
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My 4 year old is so clingy

Ok so this might end up being kind of long.  Basically my son is 4 years old and he is terribly clingy.  I can not leave the room without him running behind me wanting to know where I am going or what I am doing.  He has been going to the same daycare since he was 15 months old but for the last 3 months or so it is an ordeal to drop him off every day.  He screams and cries but the teacher says that as soon as I am gone he is fine and happy the rest of the day (well behaved, not whiny, very social, etc.)  I can't walk outside or go to the gas station without him flipping out.  He wants to be in the same room with me at all times.  Ok so now a little bit of back story.  His father and I split up when he was about 1 1/2 old and we have had pretty much joint custody since then.  He does not actually have any rights, we were never married and he has not taken me to court.  Since we have split up he (his father) has been nothing but a manipulative bully to me.  When we were together he was mentally, physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive (only to me, never to our son).  Anyway I have for the most part gotten over everything he does to try and maintain my son's relationship with his father.  I always felt like it was better to have him than not, no matter how unbearable he could be.  I also want to mention that he is not a great influence on my son, I know he loves him but he treats him like they are friends and in doing that my son is harder to deal with when he is with me.  About a year ago his father became involved with a 20 year old girl with a child.  I had no problem with this as long as she was good to my son when she was around him.  I am remarried myself.  About 2 months into their relationship she became pregnant, which worried me but I was on board and did everything I could to help my son adjust to all of this.  Well, this girl didn't feel like my son's father and I should talk as much as we did, even though it was always about our child.  She was angry and started posting snipy comments on facebook and myspace directed to me.  I told my son's father that if she had something to say to me she needed to say it to my face.  She called me and text me and had her friend call me the entire time calling me names, threatening to come to my house and "beat me up", telling me my husband was cheating on me with one of her friends.  It was really all ridiculous but made me mad to the point that I told his father that she could not be around my son anymore.  A few days later she called me and apoligized, I accepted her apology and got over everything;  just let it go.  Well recently it has all started again.  My son was with them for the weekend and his father had to go to work.   I got a call an hour before he had to leave telling me that I needed to come and get him because there was no one to keep him.  Come to find out his girlfriend had made plans to "go out" (she just had her baby 4 weeks before)  and didn't feel like she should have to change her plans before me.  This really upset me, by choosing to be with his father she is also choosing to be with him and that means caring for him when his father can't be there.  Don't get me wrong I don't mind having my son, it just really bothered me that this is the way she felt.  She knew I was mad because his father told her so she called me at work.  I told her that it was fine and she just wouldn't have to worry about keeping him anymore when his father has to work, that I would take care of it.  She began mouthing at me telling me that "she hates to break it to me, but there is nothing I can do about her being around my son and she will be around him".  First, his father has no rights and I will be damned if his 20 year old girlfriend is going to try and tell me what is and isn't going to happen regarding my son.  Second, I had not even said that she couldn't be around him just that she wouldn't have to watch him when his father couldn't.  Anyway I obviously told her that she was wrong and my son would not be around her.  I continued to let his father see him but not in her presence so the visitation was way less than before.  The Saturday night right after this happened I was out celebrating Halloween with some of my friends and she shows up where I am.  I asked her if she was 20 or 21 ( you had to be 21 to get in) and she literally physically attacked me like a crazy person.  My friend that was with me put her hand in between our bodies and told her that she needed to calm down.  His girlfriend then proceeded to hit my friend who she doesn't even know over the head with a beer bottle.  It was all broke up shortly afterward, and my friend and I have both pressed charges.  Even after this happened I told my son's father that he could see him just definitely not around her now, she is obviously a violent person.  Well the first time my son went over there his father lied to me and told me she was not around when she was.  Right before I went to pick my son up he even had her answer the phone like a slap in the face and she was there when I picked him up.  My son told me that his daddy said that if he told me he was around her he would never, ever get to see his daddy again!  I have completely cut off all contact since then and have not allowed my son around his father except for one quick lunch and then right back.  I basically wanted to share all of this to let anyone who might reply to this know that me cutting his father out of his life was not anything that I took lightly, I feel like I have done everything I can to salvage that relationship but he is not trying as well.  I have told him he can take me to court to establish his rights but until then there will be no overnight visits and only short ones on the weekends if it is convienient for me.   I feel like all of this is really affecting my son and I just don't know what to do.  If I let him go over there I am putting him at risk with proven violent people and if I don't I am putting the stress of separation from a significant family member.  I just neeed to know that I am doing the right thing I guess.  I want my son to be ok most of all.  I am sorry for the length of this post I just thought it was important to give the whole story.
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Honey, get the baby daddy out of your life.  Your poor son is the volleyball in a volleyball game that does not have to happen.  Let your husband be the daddy and let it go.
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