My 4 year old refuses to be potty trained

[dawn1818]

My 4-year old son, who can be described by some as a "late bloomer" like his father, is refusing to be potty-trained-- almost to the point of being belligerent. He knows how to use the potty, and has done so on occassion. In fact, he sometimes gets out of the bathtub to use the potty. But he refuses to cooperate on a regular basis. Help! I hate to punish him for his behavior, but I am at a loss!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

This can certainly be frustrating, but hang in there. Be patient and supportive, not angry or punishing. It will only interfere if he perceives that you are more interested in his accomplishing this developmental task than he is. Casually establish a reward system for whenever he uses the potty successfully, and then follow through on it (e.g., when he leaves the tub to use the potty). Gradually his interest in accomplishing this goal will increase.

[kim0622]

I have the exact same problem.  My 4yo son was potty trained at 2 1/2 then last Nov started peeing in his pants and in May began pooping in his pants.  We've been working at ruling out anything medical.  He's been to the pediatrician, had an x-ray of his belly, taken laxative and enemas, is currently on Previcid (not really sure what that's for) and Wed he has an appointment with a Pediatric Gastroenterologist.  I'm just not convinced it's medical.

We've tried rewards, punishments, incentives, praise, humiliation, even no reaction.  Nothing works.  He simply doesn't seem to care.  Now his daycare wants to move him down to the 3yo class and start potty training from scratch, which I'm afraid will only make matters worse.  I'm at a loss

[ericbe]

My 4 yr old son knows how to go, but doesn't go on his own and if we remind him he goes pee but doesn't have the poop down yet. Every once in a great while he'll go on his own or tell us he needs to go. But most times it is accidents in his pants. I am not sure what to do next, now his daycare wants to put him back in the 2-3 yr old room until he is fully potty trained. He is off daycare for summer and we thought by the time the school year came back around we would past this.  We have tried rewards and treats and nothing yet seems to get his interest in wanting to go. Daycare also suggested putting him back in pull ups which i think would be a step backwards and they also said same but said it would have to be done for the safety/cleanliness of the center which I understand, but is something no one really wants to do. So for now we're going to double up on under wear and see if that helps him get it in the next few days. The ped doctor isn't to concerned yet about this as he is going potty regularly but just not in the potty all the time. I'm not sure if he knows he is going pee/poop at times so wonder if there may be something else going on we're not aware of. When he does go in his pants, sometimes he doesn't like it and goes in the bathroom and cleans himself up as best as he can on his own and we finish cleaning him up. Sometimes the mess doesn't bother him.

[aMommy2one]

Im having a similar problem with my daughter- she will be 4 in December and flat out refuses to poop in the potty.  We have dealt with chronic constipation for over a year and she is on fiber therapy and its helping.  Im just about to lose it cause she will not be able to attend preschool after this month if the problem is not corrected.  

[JoeSass]

We are in the same boat. She will also be 4 in Dec and will not poop in the potty no matter what we have tried. She says she is not going to poop in the potty and she doesnt. We try to give her fiberous foods but she is very picky and eats no veggies. Its very frustrating as you do not know what to do.

[gich]

Help! My son is 4 and refuses the idea of training. He will sit on the potty but will only go in  the diapers. He says he likes diapers.  He is very stubborn for lack of a better word with everything. And when it comes to potty training he has become belligerent or violent. He will hold it in, both pee and poop, all day until he puts on a diaper or goes as soon as he is asleep. I have tried eveything - even leaving him alone about the subject for months, but there is no change. I am feeling very frustrated and at a complete loss.

[Luva]

I have the exact same problem. My daughter is 3 and refuses to go poop in the potty. She has dealt with constipation since January of this year. She is fine with going pee in the potty, but when it comes to going poop she just refuses. She just starts crying hysterically. I've taken her favorite toys away, I've tried rewarding her  nothing seems to work Can anyone please help us , I just don't know what else to do.

[Danale]

Wow, it is so comforting to know I am not the only one with a nearly 4 year old daughter who is having trouble with potty training! I have been feeling like the worst mother ever!   My daughter will sit on the potty and does have days that are successful with no accidents but poop is still very few and far between (my daughter will just wait until it is bedtime with a pull up and will poop or will just ask for a diaper to poop in).  We are still having problems with peeing accidents, particularly at preschool and basically it is nearly impossible to get her to go to a "new toilet" for instance, at school, at grandma's or at friends'.  

Ruling out any physical problem, the best advice I can give is to be patient, and really make an effort to find a method that will work for your child.  We made the mistake by passing our pressure to get her to be toilet trained in time for preschool onto her and it just slowed everything way down.  My daughter really did make some forward progress through rewards, getting stickers and every 5 stickers she gets a small present and that has helped.  She is getting there but it is just extremely frustrating, I know.

Hang in there and good luck to all of you!

[angelav7]

I am so glad that I am not alone with this issue. I have a son who turned 4 in July. He has been potty trained for at least a year now. He never has accidents, day or night. He attends pre-school without a problem. Our biggest issue is that he is refusing to poop in the toilet or potty. We have tried everything under the sun. Rewards, stickers, bribing him, reading, even getting upset with him. I bought him toys that he can only play with if he goes poopy in the potty. The toys still sit there unopened. He only wants to poop in a diaper. He asks for a diaper, he does his thing, and he tells me that he is done. I am not sure what else to do. Should I just wait until he will go on his own into the potty to poop and keep giving him the diaper when he needs them? How long is it too long to wait it out until they are ready? If this normal? Do they eventually decide to poop in the toilet by themselves? I am very frustrated with this issue and I do not know what to do. We are out of diapers, I am refusing to buy more, and he is refusing to poop. HELP!

[aMommy2one]

wow, Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this!  Danale, I have been like you, blaming myself for this because everyone around me deems it "my" fault!  

Its pretty obvious that the doctor doesnt go back to posts he's already posted an answer in.. I have been trying to get into this forum to post a question or a month now, checking it day and night only to be told its full for the day.  

Any of you are welcome to come to my parenting forum for discussion support!  Sometimes its nice to have others to talk to who are going through the same things.. :)

http://z7.invisionfree.com/simplyliving/index.php?