My 4 year old wont adjust in preeschool. Please HELP!

[monkeyingaround]

My 4 year old is about to finish preeschool in June, he will be turning 5 years old in July. Before preeschool, he never had a real playdate or really did much. (He is my only son) He has his good and bad days, he is very talkative, loving  and extremely smart! (as his teacher says) :-) But he has issues participating in class activities, small things like washing his hands or choosing a spot on the table. He is NOT always like that. He has been doing much better lately, but he did have an issue today (he is sick with a cold though) I am gonna be honest, I do not set that many rules for him and let most things slide, and that could be part of the issue, I had a big talk with him and he promised to do better but I was in tears for hours today about this, to hear that he doesn't enjoy activities in school :( I want to help him be a better person,he is already got a kind heart and a brilliant mind but his actitud gets him in trouble. What can I do to help him enjoy school and be ready for kindergarden?  Also he has a step brother (11 years old) who is adhd and fights with him a lot, which ruins his week! We are looking for help with that but I want a happy little biy at home and at school. He doesn't give me the same trouble at home. Please help! Thank you in advance!!

[AnnieBrooke]

If you have a choice, keep him in preschool next year, don't send him to kindy until he is going to be one of the older kids in the class, not one of the younger.  Life will be much easier for him all through school if you can do this.

[Sandman2]

   Opps, forgot to mention.  At his age its pretty hard - close to impossible - for a child to promise to do something in the future and then follow through.  If you practice what you want to happen with him while he is at home, then yes - he might duplicate that at school.  But, otherwise, do not expect him to keep a promise like that.

[Sandman2]

   First, your little guy is going to be one of the younger kids in his class in Kindergarten - which means he is one of the youngest in his age group in preschool.  And what he is doing seems kind of typical for a younger child.
  Frankly, kids don't always enjoy school.  Home can be a lot more fun.  And at this age there is little you can do to help him enjoy school - that is up to the school.  You can reduce his fears by taking him to his new school during the summer and letting him play there.   Of course, always being positive about his school is important.  Probably the most important thing to do is to check out the teachers and try an get a good one.
   The fights with big brother needs to be stopped.  You simply don't allow it.  Whatever they are fighting over - take it away for awhile and then give them one more chance.  And yes, it is time to step up and not let things slide.  You might want to get one of the "love and logic" books by Fay and Cline to help with that.
   I also am the CL on the ADHD forum.  Please feel free to post over there if you need some help with your older son.  Best wishes.