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My 4 year old
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My 4 year old

When I spank my daughter she has recently started hitting me. She has thrown things at me as well.
She has these really long 30 minute to hour fits and then when she is done she is like a perfect angel. I am a single parent so things are all on me to do! I show her a lot of attention but  yet its like everything I have tried she keeps getting worse! I have talked to my father about it and he thinks she is getting worse as I do. Her dr. said this is a stage and she will grow out of it. She has also starting bitting herself. She did this when she was younger but grew out of it! Should I see another Dr. about this or what??? Someone please help this has really taken a toll on me!
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Avatar_n_tn
My best advice would be to STOP spanking your daughter asap!  Hitting a child is probably the biggest reinforcement that aggression/violence is an OK way of expressing anger.  When your daughter lashes out at you, she is only reacting to your anger the way that you have taught her to.  In her eyes, "Mommy hits me when she gets mad, so I'll hit her when I get mad."  All in all, this is cycle that can be stopped now.  I would also suggest you have a frank talk with your doctor about strategies that you can employ at home with your daughter that will be positive and effective, and just create a healthier lifestyle for you overall.

Good luck!  
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Avatar_n_tn
I agree with KAnneH.  How can we teach kids not to hit by hitting?

There are better ways to teach her.

Good luck.


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535822_tn?1413656274
What do you spank her for? Cant you give her a time out on a Chaiir you can call the Naughty chair, if she gets off it put her Gently back over and over if you have to,till she goes quiet and says sorry, explain that to her before you sit her on the Naughty chair.Make sure she has plenty to do and do things with her if you have Family get them to help and keep her busy possibly shes a bright active kid whose plain bored and looking for Mischief , get her Busy.
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Avatar_f_tn
The only reason I spank her is because I have tried the time out. She would get up several times and I would put her in that chair until she stayed!!! That has stopped working. When we were younger our parents taught us if we done soemthing we wasnt supposed to we got a spanking! She is a very busy child. She has battery powered riding toys she rides. She has practically anything a child could ask for yet she still behaves like this. I would let my child sit around being bored!!! I do everything I can to keep her busy. She is FAR from a plain bored child!!!!
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535822_tn?1413656274
Maybe she isnt bored then but notice the other posts said not a good idea to spank,thats why she hits you back.Maybe get some councilling for her.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have read the other post!
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543837_tn?1214355955
Hi, I'm a single mother as well and I was at my wits end at the beginning of the last school year with my son.  The only thing you get from spanking is sore feelings towards each other.  Trust me I've tried! I found this really great book called 123 magic by Dr. Phalen that really helped and I make our boundaries fun.  My son also goes to the doctor because he has ADHD w/ psychosis and anxiety.  My son chewed his shirt constantly because of his anxiety, and I certainly think you should mention the bitting to your doctor.

  This is just what works for us but I hope it helps..
We have a football chart with two teams, team chores and team props.  If he misbehaves he gets 10 yard lines towards team chore's touchdown plus a 7 min time out which I allow him to take a book or a small toy that doesn't make noise.  The toy doesn't matter, The point is that he has stopped doing what I didn't want him to do.  After the time out there's no conversation he just rejoins and we carry on.  Unless he did something he didn't know was wrong. If he gets 50 yards and earns a touchdown he helps me with the house. (age appropriate duties, he loves to dust!!!) I set certain duties for team props to get him to do what I want him to do like brushing his teeth twice a day, 45 min of homework, polite all day with two small slip ups, or extra chores so he can earn 10 yard lines for team props.  At the touchdown he earns a hershey's bar, his favorite, and a happy 100% on a post card which he uses as money to buy a bigger reward.  He never loses 10 yards on team props for bad behavior and he dosen't get 10 yards taken off for good behavior on team chores.  He's held accountable for his bad behavior and he always rewarded for his good behavior even if he earns a touchdown 10 min after he messes up.  The key is to keep up with what works everyday!
Good luck!
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Avatar_m_tn
natural consequences is the best method. if they are old enough to want things and throw fits for them, then taking away or making them suffer with natural methods is the best.

example. if they do not want to shower before bed due to the fact they want to stay up then let them not shower. just put your foot down and explain to them that they will not be able to shower until the next night. explain the negative aspects of being dirty. same goes with food. let them not eat if they don't want to eat that food your giving them. save it for the next meal. works best when you tell them your saving dinner for breakfast.
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