My 4 yr old - adament /hurting /shy

[lakshmi1976]

I have a 4yr old daughter. She's the only daughter to us. She does so good in her studies .Reads well. does math and everything. but when suddenly she becomes adament , not listening to both me and husband , if she does not get anything she says I donot love you ...  .Also the main issue is she does sings /reciting spiritual sayings / school dances  /songs everything. But she refuse to go to any class. She's very good in dancing. I put her she cried and saud I donot want to go I need mommy. I put her in music classes the same thing happened. She goes to montessori school adn never cries for school. I am taking her to the social gatherings  where I can be present. Even there she does not want to tell anything what she knows though she knows everything .. donot know whether its shy or not. Please help me .. Last year in school christmas pagent she was supposed to tell welcome speech but in the last minute she cried and said I need mommy and did not participate at all..

[lakshmi1976]

Thanks for all the replies.I started googling about the anxiety disorder. Lis51 - Thank you I am taking your advice too. Thanks a lot again  -let me try and update the results

[lis51]

Please describe more of your daughters character, she seems so much like my son, same temperament. When they don´t get their way they give an angry reply such as "I don´t love you". My son responded:"You´re stupid" which I think is much worse. What has worked for me is working a lot on confidence and social skills and lots of boundaries at home. A psychologist once adviced not to respond to children "no" everytime, it builds frustration. She suggested e.g. instead of "no you can´t take barbie to the shower with you", "you may play with barbie after bathtime". Of course some things are definitive no no´s, that shouldn´t change.

[lis51]

When children do not want to separate from Mom it´s called separation anxiety, it is common at a certain age, but as I understand it should decrease as a child gets older. Seems so much like what my child does. JDTM is so right, "shy children are able to function in social situations", anxious children seem to get "paralyzed". We´re struggling with the same issues

[jdtm]

Shy children are able to function in social situations.  Your child is not able to function in social situations - this is called anxiety.  I might suggest you google the phrase "anxiety disorders in children" or "anxiety behaviors in children" or similar words/phrases to find out more about this issue.  From what you have written, it does not appear that your daughter is overly severe in her anxiety but she might require assistance in learning how to manage her fears/anxieties.  You should be able to find lots and lots of information on the internet.  It also might be prudent to discuss this issue with your daughter's pediatrician or family doctor.  If you require additional help, please write.  I wish you the best ....