My 4 yr old is moody

I've been having a problem with my 4 yr old daughter for about 3-4 months.  She seems to not like people saying things to her.  She will give an adult a dirty look if they say things to her.  She sometimes cries.  She gets really upset if people laugh at her.  She just started acting this way, and she's not always like this.  It seems as though she only likes certain people, and the rest she gives dirty looks to if they talk to her.  She is on the shy side, but I don't know where her anger torwards other people is coming from.  She acts normal with my husband and I, and also with people she sees frequently.  I don't know how to handle this problem with her.  I try asking her why she gives people dirty looks all the time, but she never gives me straight answers.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Shelly,

Be patient with your daughter - she will likely move beyond this phase. Some four-year-olds, particularly those who are already on the shy side, experience some self-consciousness and discomfort when in the presence of people they don't know very well.

What you can do is focus on two things. First, reassure her that things are OK, and prepare her in advance, when you can, that she'll be meeting someone. Second, insist that she treat people well. That is, if she's saying rude things or in any way mistreating people by her words, set limitis on this. Don't focus so much on her attitude or facial expressions. It's not as if she's particularly aware of what's happening, so she likely won't be able to answer your question about why she's acting like she is. But you can reflect out loud with her on how hard it appears to be for her to be with people with whom she's not very familiar.