My 4 yr old refuses to mind me or my husband

[atmywitsend2010]

I have a 4 year old who i recently got custody of. She refuses to mind me or my husband for any reason. We fight her at bed time we fight her to eat we fight her to be quiet. She talks from the times she wakes up until the time she goes to sleep. We tell her to stop doing something she does it anyway. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do anymore. taking her tv time away doesnt work time outs do not work loss of toys do not work.... What can I do?

[RockRose]

I agree with cheshchesh's question,  there really isn't enough information here.

Second,  I'd take the talking thing completely off the table as something to try to control.  Children can become excessive talkers in anxious situations,  and being told all the time to be quiet will frustrate her.  I had a big talker too,  so I do understand it's waring to have to be processing children's speech all day long,  but really,  I'd completely leave that one alone.

Try Love and Logic.  You can get it at Amazon or the library.  Fighting a child won't work,  you'll both be exhausted.

Secondly,  Try as hard as you can to say "yes" to something if possible.  For example,  instead of saying quit jumping on the couch,  get a little jumping trampoline thing or put her mattress on the floor to sleep and she can jump on that.  Instead of saying quit playing in the faucet,  give her cups and bath toys and let her go sit by the tub and play.  

Since you haven't raised her it's hard for you to know all the tricks that parents learn raising a child - it's hard to know this stuff.  I think it would be really easy,  if I got a child at 4 years old,  to decide I just want her to do what I want when I want it,  she should just obey.  But as you see,  that doesn't work.  : (

Best wishes.

[cheshchesh819]

You say you just got custody of her was she living with her father or a family relative before this?