My 4.5 y/o Son

I am looking for some kind and/or wise words, encouragement and any moms and dads who have "been there, done that".

My 4.5 y/o son has a language delay and is in an Early Intervention preschool along with a regular preschool several hours per week.  He has made many improvements and gains in his development over the past year but still hasn't "caught up" especially with language.  A typical sentence from his is:  "Ok Mommie, I have to go upstairs and put on my red pants".  He puts sentences together but doesn't do paragraph-like monlogues like alot of kiddos his age I see.  We were following a bus while driving yesterday and I asked him what the bus was, he said "a bus", Who is on the bus?, "kids", Where are they going?  "to school.  He likes to be read to and understands whats being read as evidenced by answering many questions.  He even memorizes text and likes longer books like The Cat in the Hat.


He knows all of his colors, recognizes all letters upper and lower case, rote counts from 1-20.  Counts 7 objects reliably, and more sometimes.  He also recognizes numbers 0-20.  He can string very small beads but his drawings are circles and scribbles.  He can use scissors to cut paper and doll's hair, Yikes!  He rides a bike w/training wheels and a tricycle.  He is a good climber and slider.  He likes to play with other kids but his language slows him down.  He asks to "play with dudes".  He has great, loving relationships w/ his grandparents.

[Cleveland Mom]

One of my main concerns with my son is that he underperforms at school.  The teachers believe he can only count to 5, can't count objects at all.  He speaks only when he is asked a question there, almost never spontaneously initiates any conversation.  A speech language therapist recently told me she believes that he has issues of will and that his language is likely better than he tests.  Thanks in advance for any thoughts, comments and opinions!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Well first of all, I think your son is going to be just fine.  Maybe he will just be a "man of few words" (that will make his future wife happy).

Is he in a large class?  Perhaps he is overwhelmed and that impedes him articulating an accurate picture of where he is academically.  How does her perform when tested outside the school setting?

How is he doing socially at school?  Is he able to make friends?

You are obviously a loving and concerned mother who is doing all you can to help your son.

I wish you and your family well.

[Cleveland Mom]

He wants to play with kids and will say " I want to play with dudes."  He likes unstructured activities like McDonalds Play Land and play ground settings.  Because of his language delay, its hard for him to keep up verbally, but he tries.   He has a 2.5 y/o sissy whom he mostly teases nothing too bad though.

His EI preschool is 6 boys and his regular preschool is up to 20 kids.  I'm hoping over the next year and a half his language and his social skills will improve.  I know his social skills are held back by his language level.  Thanks for your kind and supportive feedback!

[boosty]

ok. so what seems to be the problem?

[RockRose]

I'm thinking that too,  Boosty!

Cleveland Mom,  when you quote him,  he sounds totally appropriate for his age.  Clear,  correct sentences.  The one about putting on red pants,  that's a complex set of ideas,  sounds like a totally normal age appropriate sentence.

Is there something you haven't said?  Is his speech unclear,  or  . . . labored or something?  So far,  it sounds like he doesn't like to talk all that much,  but it's hard to read what you are writing and see a speech delay.  

Is there something unusual about his actual speech - like,  it's gutteral,  or halting,  etc.?

He sounds like a darling little guy.  ;D

[RockRose]

You're welcome,  Clevelandmom.  It's amazing,  the internet - it seems like with all of our collective brains together,  someone always comes along who knows the answer to the question.

I wish the best for your son - he sounds like a sweet little guy.

[RockRose]

Cleveland - has the speech therapist mentioned "selective mutism" to you?  I saw it in one child in our school,  and this little girl did not speak AT ALL at school,  but I think it's also common that it causes children to speak very,  very little.  

These are children who speak fluently at home,  but at school,  day care,  etc., some other setting,  don't speak.  

Best wishes.

http://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/Selective-Mutism.htm

[RockRose]

Here's another link,  very informative and easy to follow:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/FAQ.htm#What%20behavioral%20characteristics%20does%20a%20child%20with%20Selective%20Mutism%20portray%20in%20social%20settings

[Cleveland Mom]

Rock Rose,

You are a smart lady! I have read many of your responses to other parents on this forum.  No, no one has mentioned selective mutism but I am a mental health pro. so I am aware of this condition.  The EI school has mentioned that he may be "anxious" and that may be why he is very different at school as oppossed to home.  My brother now 34 spoke very little in the early grades at school.  In Kindergarten, the teachers wrote my mom long notes about his "shyness".  I am quite introverted as well.  My brother was "fine" by third grade and is now an engineer.  He still is quite reserved.

My son has difficulty looking at his teachers, he will smile, blush and lower his head, a classically bashful...  However, he is very outgoing with his grandparents in our house.  Talking alot and saying things like:  "Come on Nonnie, you have to follow me".
I as a child was never this outgoing with anyone buy my own parents.

Thanks for the links!

[Cleveland Mom]

Thanks you all!  According to speech language testing his speech is significantly delayed.  I realize that this doesn't jibe with what I hear come out of his mouth and with the other things he is doing.   His articulation is actually ahead of the norm according to the testing, same thing as pronunciation.

My concern is that he underperforms at school, barely talks there and the teachers think he is more delayed than he truly is.  I am worried for Kindegarten.  

A speech language therapist recently told me that she believes that his language is better than he tests and that he has issues of will.  He barely talks at therapy.  At school they documented that he talks in 2-4 word sentences and basically never initiates language.  

I get so fed up with the therapist and the Early Intervention school and **** sometimes, though I know that he needs these services.  I so know that the sentence about the red pants is very age appropriate and pretty complex, on target for a 4 year old!

[tmv]

Hi there, just wanted to let you know that I feel like the others that your little man is just a ok! They all master things at different levels. But, personally I feel that he is above level for most 4 year olds! I think the tests are what fail us. For example, my 9 year old took a reading evaluation at the beginning of the year (2 years in a row) and the grade is supposed to rise to show that she has learned. Well, she totally blows the teachers out of the water because she has made a lower grade on the second one at the end of the year twice! LOL! They can't use one test to see how a child is, a mom knows best and I feel that you doubt the schools opinion as well as I do.  My little boy was a bit shy until 3rd grade. He has always made good grades and would often come home and not stop talking, but was quiet as a mouse in school. He is going to be 13 in June and is the still the sweetest boy around. Don't get me wrong, he can be rowdy and the like. But very mature and responsible.  Back to the shyness, I thing that playing group sports like basketball and soccer help him out early on. But he didn't start them until he was 8 or 9.  Don't worry, your little guy will be just fine. And back to Rock Rose, she is a bright lady! I am a Registered Nurse and didn't realize that I had selective mutism! I truly was so quiet that in high school a friend called me Anne Frank (the blind/deaf girl)! Oh, but time does change things. I talk about like I write on this post, on and on!  Best of luck to you and embrace the dear sweetie that you have! tmv