My 5 year old is disrespectful and stubborn

[tanyar12]

I am a mother of 3 children ages 12,7, and 5. My five year old who used to be the most well behaved has turned into a monster. My husband and I have had to discipline or correct him about his treatment of other people,(especially adults) constantly,(every day sometimes numerous times a day). He is very smart and fun loving and we have tought him the same values we have taught our other children but he just doen't seem to get it. When an adult speaks to him he usually will ignore them or answer rudely with a look that could kill. When we catch him and try to discipline him he becomes beligerant so he usually end up punished. When things calm down we always discuss why he was punished and how he could respond better next time but he always acts the same way. It is almost as if everyone and everything is annoying to him, unless it is what he wants to talk about or do. His teacher has expressed some concern about his response to her instructions sometimes. Please give us some ideas on how to respond to this behavior because what we are doing is not working. My other children did not have this problem and are very respectful, helpful, and polite so we have to be doing something right. Thank You, Tanya Rush

[Greatgma]

A related discussion, 5 yr old scared of everything was started.

[gretchen14]

My 12 yrs old sister doesnt have any respect for m and my mom. She is totally stubborn. My mom wont be able to let her do anything,if my mom tell her to go to a shop nearby she will never go and i will have to yell at her and beat her up. She is also very lazy,please help me what will i do?? My mom is worrying too much right now she cant even sleepwell

[anet]

A related discussion, how to deal with a angery 5 year old? was started.

[polstons97]

A related discussion, 9 yr and 5 yr old behavior change was started.

[andrewh81]

A related discussion, What to do with my disrespectful 7-yr old daughter was started.

[iamfrustrated]

My daughter is 3 years old, soon to be 4, and she is out of control...but not in the hitting aspect. She does not hit or bite or push, but she is very angry. She yells at me all the time and screams and throws horrible tantrums when the word "no " is said or when she can't get her way. She makes herself go limp in your arms and starts screaming and the more you tell her to be quiet the louder she screams. She makes her hands into little fists and pounds them over and over on the ground or on heself. And if you try to talk to her or help her she screams at you and tells you she "hates you" or "I don't like you" "Leave me alone". Her actions are like if she is truly angry. She won't do what she is told by her teacher...I get calls everyday from her teacher everyday and I try to talk to her and she says, "Yes mommy" and then goes and does the same thing wrong again anyway. She is very disrespectful to any adult. And will not do what you ask or when you correct a misbehavior. I try to talk to her and try time out but all she does is scream and wail until I can't take it anymore and I tell her to just go and play. I really don't know what to do.

[peachrose]

Have you ever tracked your child's behavior over days and see if there is a pattern? Does it have anything to do with weekends, weather, food, visitors? You could try reading the book The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Kranowich and see is any of the information in there will help you help your child. It has a lot of amazing insights that really helped the children in my life.

[redavaw1]

My 10 year old daughter has always been this way.  She is obstinant and disrespectful....when she feels like it.  It is  like we can never tell when she will be in a good mood or embarass us.  This started when she was approx 5.  In kindergarten and first grade it got much worse.  We requested a strong teacher in 2nd grade and things have gotten better little by little.  She is being treated for ADHD and is currently seeing a child pyschiatrist.  He indicates that she was socially underdeveloped mentally and unable to react properly in groups.  She is now in the 4th grade and doing much better.  Maturity and showing her how to properly conduct herself has made a big difference.  The psychiatrist has also worked with me to learn how to properly engage her and respond to her ranting behavior.  None of the psychiatrist believe in spanking, so they try to help you find other ways to deal with the rude behavior.

Happy to say we are getting better!! There is hope.

[Odean]

My 5 year old is disrespectful to other children. He is constantly hitting other children out of frustration or for no reason. I am looking for ways to make him understand the consequences of hurting other people. I have tried every type of disapline that I am comfortable with and have not found a solution. I love him so much and just want him to be a good person. How do you explain that to a 5 year old.

[MEK]

My 5 year old daughter is the same.  She has good days and bad days at daycare.  She hits and pinches if she does not get her way.  She seems worse when it is unstructured time, she is bored or when she is tired.  We also have tried all kinds of behavior modification tricks and she will get better for a while then back to the same old behaviors.  She also is incredibly smart and fun-loving and I would like to make sure this type of behavior does not continue where she is labeled.  To me it is quite an impulsive behavior and I would like to know how to help her mature emotionally.

[DinaGrimes]

I have the exact same problem with my daughter.  She is 7 and it is not getting any better.  She has always been this way with adults.  Who first choice is to ignore them.  If pushed to respond, she will more then likely give a dirty look and answer as if it will kill her to reply.  The only good thing is she seems to be fine with her teachers.  I was once told that this is her way of dealing with shyness, but I think it is just rude.  We have also tryed to talk to her about it and have got no where.  She will also act like this toward children.  Hopefully the doctor can shed some light on the best way to deal with this problem.  We are constantly embarrassed by this behavior.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If your son's behavior were confined only to the home/family setting, I would be reassuring you that it likely represents a normal-spectrum childhood behavior problem, requiring straight-forward limit setting and discipline. However, the fact that he displays this irritable and ornery mood outside the home invites a professional evaluation. It does not necessarily imply that he is displaying signs of emotional disturbance, but the situation should be evaluated by a pediatric mental health professional. Is there any family history of mood disorder or other type of emotional condition? Have there been any changes or transitions in his life to account for this dysphoria?