My 5 year old is going nuts

[disiemaude]

My son's father and I have had joint custody since we separated and divorced. My ex-husband got married and started a family with his new wife, and I am living my life, but we kept joint custody of the child. About two months ago I picked my son up from my mother's house (she used to watch him until I got off of work) and took him home. He was acting funny so I decided to put him to bed early. I told him to take off his shirt to put his pajamas on and his back from mid-back down past his but was full of welts and bruises. I took him to the hospital and they pressed charges against his father because he told the doctor and police officer that his dad had done it because he was mad at him. Now my child lives permanently with me as the judge placed a protective order against his father until the criminal court date.....
I feel this back-ground knowledge is important. And I have taken my son to counselors here, but they don't seem to care, and tell me his behavior is normal.
The behavior is this: he screams, he is defiant, he cries over everything, and he throws tantrums. For example, if I am helping him with his kindergarten homework, he screams because he just KNOWS that I am not right, and then he starts crying. If he's drinking a juice box and says he doesn't want it anymore and I tell him to go ahead and throw it away he will start screaming and crying like I'm trying to take it from him. If I he said the sky was blue and I told him "yes, you are right" he will start screaming and crying. It doesn't take much, and since no therapist or counselor will say this is "not normal" then something else must be going on.  I mean, I spend time with him and get on his level to sit and play legos, but in the end he ends up screaming about it, and crying. And the crying doesn't just last a few minutes, he will do it for up to an hour.
Would love some suggestions.

[SeriousSam]

Oh my god.  A child psychologist would be best to ask (NOT A COUNSELOR or a hack from one of the sliding scale state clinics) Do you have insurance that would cover that?

Otherwise let me think on this one.  And be careful what advise if any you take from this forum most of the people on here, possibly including myself are hacks who should not be lisened to, too seriously on anything as fragile as a child.

[disiemaude]

The list of people that was provided to me by the hospital were the only ones in our area. The insurance covered it, but they chalked it up to being normal. I just don't see how this could be normal. I haven't had a normal day since all of this happened.

[kayakka]

I'm with Sam on this one. I've seen too many 'counsellors' with a piece of paper to say they are 'experts' and they do more damage than good. Trust your mother's instinct and choose your professional with care. And yes, we are  all just opinionated boofheads, but we have one thing in common, we CARE.

[margypops]

Disie ,I hope you will totally disregard the uncalled for remarks made by Serious Sam about the people who come to this forum to help parents  like your self, we are not hacks we are teachers and parents , I hope you will take us seriously as we have had experience and we have empathy and compassion and a lot of the time that is what Parents come here for, to be heard and listened to ,please take no notice of the bitterness you have heard in his post  .,

[margypops]

Regarding your son, I feel he is acting out due to the nature of the abuse he suffered, and you are not getting much help from any counsellors,maybe they meant that the behavior he is displaying is Normal for an formerly abused child , any way as you have had no input of use from them,How do you react when he throws a tantrum or screams and cries, what has happened prior to the behavior,I am thinking that if you can let him do his own homework  ,how much do they get at 5 year old,and let him cry, dont feed into it.it is possible he finds it gets him more attention.  How is he doing at Kindergarten  does he get on with his teachers  or is the behavior the same as at home?He is probably still traumatised from what happened to him and hopefully as time goes by he will feel better, Focus on his positive side .Get some outside activities going and get hin onvolved in sports and games,

[SeriousSam]

Disregard advise that anonymous people who might have no life outside of punching things into an advise forum and to get the child to a child psychologist because I'm bitter?

First of all have you lost it?  Most of the people on this forum are barely qualified to take care of their own children let alone give advise on other peoples children when they have problems.

I am just saying being careful who you take advise from is important as anyone can say they are a teacher/tutor from england or California and you wouldn't know them from a buttocks scratching plumber in cleveland OH.  LOL  

It is your child not anyone elses on this forum.  Does the list your planhas give any doctors if not what you need to do is get his primary physician to give you an out of network referral.  Then contact the insurance company and tell them that as allowed by law you want in network coverage for your out of network psychologist because they do not have that service in your region.

[SeriousSam]

When telling people that advise from anonymous people on the net is dangerous to take as they have no accountability is unreasonable, and that they should take their child to an expert you might want to see if you are overlly filled with self importance!

What I told the ladi inher thread was the same thing in essence as the med help disclaimer at the top of the forums.

If you are that much of an expert on abused kids give her your clinic number and assume full liability!

[margypops]

Take no notice he has a problem he disrupts every Forum ,he joined this one a few hours ago, no doubt with an agenda.

[SeriousSam]

If you want hack suggestions?  Here is mine start drawing and painting with him so he can gradually get some of this out of his system.  

Do karate or other controlled sports but do not put him in soccer or aggressive sports where he can lose it and go on other kids.

When you give guidance do it gently if possible in a way where he feels he has some control on the things that do matter.

Does he have toys that he literally loves?  If so I can give you some unorthodox advise in that direction that might help.

But always remember advise only costs you if you follow it.

[disiemaude]

Well, when he throws a tantrum I do not generally acknowledge his behavior, unless, he's about ready to hurt me or someone else or himself.
Prior to the behavior is usually when I am trying to help him with something or needing him to follow direction.
For kindergarten he gets around 6-8 pages to do every evening. Rather than teaching children they are more focused on passing the Standards of Learning (SOL) exam that all of the children have to take. I think the homework is excessive, and that teaching real necessary information is absent out of the classroom in this state.

[disiemaude]

My son loves to draw, and does it daily and paints. He has never been interested in any sport but golf. Which is strange to me, but he seems to like it and goes often. As for toys, his favorite things are his markers and crayons.I give him choices but even at the choices I give him he argues and fusses.