My 5 year old keeps being rejected by her friends

[angbaby]

My 5 yeard old daughter is a very sweet little girl. She just started kindergarten, the first week she was very happy, she even had her first play date with another little girl i will call her "Sophia". she went over to Sophia's house for anhour and then i picked them both up and took them to an activity at their school. Everything was fine that day, then a couple of days later my daughter siarted to tell me that Shophia did not want to play with her at all.
For some reason my daughter graviiates towards this little girl, last week I was able to see for myself whar happens. My daughter loves her and wants to be her friend desperatly, she goes and seats next to her and Sophia turns her back at her and plays with the other girls, then my daughter tries to become part of the group but Sophia shuts her down completely, at one point the whole class was asked to pair up and my daughter immediately went to hold Shophia's hand and Shophia pushed her back and preffered not to have a partner that to pair up with my daughter, I tried telling her how nice the other girls were playing and that she should do play with them but for some reason she ignored me and kept trying. When she comes home and even on the weekend she tells me "mommy, maybe one day I will bring a present for Sophia and then maybe she will like me" or she'd say " remember when Sophia used to like me? Maybe when she realizes how nice I am she will want to be my friend again" It breaks my heart. Am I doing something wrong? Does she have poor self esteem? How can I fix this problem? I feel like she is starting to think negatively about kindergarten, for instance, she refuses to go to the halloween party at school because she fears that Sophia will be mean to her. My biggest fear is that her class will turn on her, it looks like they all get along with Sophia, and are starting to tell her that they do not want to play with her either. Any suggestions  Please help me and my little girl!

[chinn]

Feel like u r just describing my 4 year old girl .. Yes, I can totally understand ur situation .. my kid also does the same and she just even copies this girls which she likes a lot that she started saying "stop following me " and al such things and my kid looks so lost and still follows her .. I don't know what to do but please do post if u find some way to get through this and I will do the same .. I was into tears when I read the sentence  "mommy, maybe one day I will bring a present for Sophia and then maybe she will like me" or she'd say " remember when Sophia used to like me? Maybe when she realizes how nice I am she will want to be my friend again"....
I totally understand how pure she is ... take care ..

[angbaby]

Thank you so much for your advise. I will do whatever it takes to help her

[tiredbuthappy]

The concept of "friend" is hard to grasp at this age. There are books you can get from the library or Amazon. For example, "Join in and Play." She is probably a bit insecure in these social situations. Now that you see what is happening, you can prep her before the situations and keep talking her through the situation like you did. "There will be other children there and they will be busy playing. You can ask if you can join them, but they may not want to play the same way you want to. You can choose to do what they do, or you can choose to play on your own." Eventually, she will begin to see what you are saying.

[angbaby]

Thanks, I think that I just realized what happens. My daughter seeks undivided attention. For example today I took her and my younger son to the playground my son was happy and playing with others and by himself but my daughter kept following g different girls tryin to be friends with her i did notice that rgey started to feel uncomfirtable. The girls younger, older and the same age were not being mean to her, they were just busy playing and running around but my daughter git upset saying that no one wants to be her friend or play with her. I tried to explain to her that everyone was just too busy having fun but she has such a frown on her face that at the end we just ended up leaving. I feel that she over thinks everything and is becoming self conscious. Is this normal? I am starting to get worried

[tiredbuthappy]

I agree that you should talk to the teacher. Sophia and your daughter may just not be a good match. The teacher should be able to facilitate and encourage other relationships in the classroom. Don't approach it from the stand point that Sophia is in the wrong, but instead ask the teacher to keep her eye open and perhaps guide your daughter to someone who may be a better pairing. Unfortunately, it does sound like Sophia has the potential to be a bully. I would also ask the teacher if she can think of any other child in the class who may be a good candidate for a play date. It may be helpful to foster a healthy relationship away from the influence of Sophia.  

I had something similar occur in my class of 4 year olds. A little boy desperately wanted to play with another set of boys, and while they were welcoming, he just couldn't seem to keep up with their play. Some gentle intervention on our part and we have successfully fostered a friendship between him and another boy who shares his interests. It's not that we encourage children to exclude others- we have very firm anti-bullying policies and we expect everyone to be respectful of others. But we do recognize that some personalities just don't mesh and do our best to make sure that everyone has a healthy relationship with others in the class.

[skepticalpeach]

Have you spoken to the teacher about your concerns and what you have observed? The teacher knows everyone in the class and is around all of them much more than the parents so he/she may know more about exactly what is going on. Maybe she can talk to Sophia's mom and have her mom talk to Sophia. It may be an easy fix and something the adults can help the kids get over. If not, you can always take her out of the school and send her somewhere else. I'd make that a last resort though.