My 5 year old with Sexual behavior

[MECmommy]

I have my son living with me full time, however my son goes to visit his father for the weekend about once every 2 months. I just droppped him off there today at 3:00 PM. My ex husband called me and told me that our son was playing with a little girl (about 3 years old) and my son had asked him to go away. My ex backed off but returned to see what the two were up to, only to find that our son had his pee pee in his hands (like he was about to pee) and the little girl had put her mouth on it! I have NEVER done ANYTHING in front of my child I was sexually abused as a child and I go out of my way to try and shelter my son from this sort of stuff. I don't know if this was the little girl who had started it or my son. What I DO know is that I don't let my son EVER see anything like that even on TV and I KNOW that my EX is the same way. Neither of us would EVER even do anything sexual in front of our children. I have no IDEA where my son could have learned this from! I think that it is possible that the little girl has seen something she shares a room with her mother and her mothers Boyfriend... I don't know who to think had thought of it and to be honest I am completely worried for my son! I explained to me EX that he should explain to our son himself that NO ONE is to touch him even though I have already talked to him about it. I have told him that no one should ever touch his pee pee I am just freaking out right now and would really appreciate any advice as to what I should do now.

My son is very open and honest and to hear that my son was involved in this kind of behavior comes as a TOTAL SHOCK! My boyfriend who lives with me now has a 2 year old daughter from his previous marriage and we have now begun to think that maybe my son has done something with HER. However, we have seen them playing together and NOTHING like this has EVER happened so we keep thinking that maybe this began with the little girl. Yet at the same time I don't want to blame her if this whole thing began with my son.
My ex told me that once our son saw that his father saw what was going on he IMMEDIATELY said "Pappy my pee pee was hurt" Obviously at 5 years old someone knows when they're doing something wrong. I just don't know how to handle the situation past this point. I am going to pick him up tomorrow from his fathers and I would just like some advice as to how I should address the situation.

[specialmom]

I'm sure you are scared for your son and understandably so.  When you pick him up, give him a big hug.  Make him feel safe.  And try to talk to him about it.  The other little girl is very young as is your son.  Somewhere, someone has done something to one of them or they've seen something.  Maybe he will provide an answer.  Maybe not.  If an issue persists, I'd contact a couselor about it.  I know that costs money, but a child's mental health is worth it.  Just to get to the bottom of it.  Then I would continue with the discussion of No one is to touch you and you are to touch NO ONE!!!  And you and your ex will have to do a super job of supervising him----- don't let him alone with any girls including your new boyfriends daughter.  Good luck----  

[MECmommy]

Thank you SO very much for your advice I appreciate it and that we do have planned to keep an eye on him and ensiure that this does not happen again!

[Peach1978]

I'm dealing with some issues with my son right now also who has been inappropriately touching others kids around him and struggling with understanding if this is him just understanding his boundaries or if he's repeating this behaviour as something learned. I'm not sure that this is even a sexual move. Maybe the little girl was trying to "kiss" his penis better if it was hurt? It seems like an innocent action but it's also a perfect opportunity to deal with it effectively in the sense that he should keep his body parts to himself.

As I write this, I still have not one clue on how to deal with my son and his issues other than to monitor his playtime with the other kids at this point. Good luck!

[specialmom]

Hi, me again.  You seem like a very caring mother looking for answers for your son.  I guess wondering why he is doing it will take time to find out----  in the mean time, I'd handle this as any other discipline issue.  He simply CAN NOT touch other kids.  If he does, he loses something major (bike, tv, etc.)  Follow through------  and make it clear he may not do it.  I know, easier said than done, but if you make an absolute rule around it and enforce it then perhaps problem solved but then you can work on the psychology behind it.  As boys like to "explore" themselves---- his room only.  I think that is what I'd try to do if I were in your situation.  Goodluck---- I can tell you want what is best for your son