My 6 year old aggression

[camary1968]

I'm at my wits end. I have a 6 year old in K, whose been in trouble several times and even suspended, (which I can't understand the reasoning behind that). Anyway, on this last occasion, he was chasing after a classmate for saying something to him that he didn't like. He had to be removed from the classroom by the assistant principal which at this point he became aggressive towards her. Needless to say we were called to take him home. Now I'm waiting to find out if my son will be expelled from this school for 1. having repeat aggressive behavior towards his peers and 2. being aggressive towards an adult.

Also, this assistant principal was seen outside of school and showed signs of injuries, when someone asked her what happened to her, she mentioned my son's name and the incident that had happened. Did I mention, she was talking to one of MY family members, not knowing we were related. How should I handle this situation with my son as well as with the assistant principal?

[camary1968]

I'm glad to hear anything helpful to our situation and I thank you very much for your opinion and help. I didn't want to seem as though I'm upset with the school, I'm not, it's just so far the school hasn't been much help, but quick to suspend. I've tried to become more involved, but at times it's difficult because like many parents I work full-time during the day, which right now I'm rethinking THAT situation too. As I thought I mentioned before, my son does have an appointment this week with a therapist, so I'm hoping this will be a step in the right direction to getting him on the right track and getting to his behavior issues.

[specialmom]

Oh and yes, I think a visit to a child psychologist is always helpful to give great insight and direction.  good luck

[specialmom]

Hm. I hear some anger at the situation and I'm just telling you from experience that doesn't much help.  Your son has been violent in his school to the point of hurting a teacher and that is obviously not good.  Just speaking from my experience that when my child caused disruption to the class, I got that it was HIS behavior that was the problem.  It is hard on teachers and other kids when a child has behavior issues.

What do you think the problem is with your son?  Is there an underlying cause such as a developmental delay, a nervous system problem, or does he have a disconnect about what is proper to do and what is not?  There has to be a reason that he is standing out from all the other kids and figuring out why is the key to fixing it.  I'd  have his teacher take some notes on  him and what precipitates and outburst.  Details of what is going on.  I'd get more involved in the classroom yourself and try to observe the dynamics.  I'd go ahead and ask for a full evaluation-------  speech, psychological and occupational therapist evals.  You usually can not do this every year, so you should do the whole thing to get a comprehensive idea.  But the laws are specific about what a school has to do and not do.  If it is not in a plan, they do not have to do anything outside of the norm that other peers require.  Otherwise, it has to get into a plan to be implimented.  

My son is extremely bright, has not one academic issue and is advanced for his age, met every single milestone on time or early-------- but has a developmental delay called sensory integration disorder which affects his nervous system.  Through an occupational therapist evaluation when he was 4 we found he had this and that was the root cause of his behavior issues.  We've addressed his nervous system and he is doing extremely well in school.  

So, it is my experience that you have to find out what is going on with the child to help him and a parent is the one that leads the way.  You have to work with schools and not be advesarial.  Sure, I'd be mad if my families confidentiality were broken and would mention it.  But I'd be more devestated that my child was violent.  And that is what I as him mother would work on.  How to stop the behavior.  

This was meant to be helpful and written fast so I hope it came out as I inteneded and not harsh.  I didn't mean it that way------  just want to help another family help their child.  good luck to you and your boy.

[camary1968]

Thank you both for your help and comments on my situation. I do plan to file a complaint with the school board as well as with the the principal herself, not out of anger as much, but the violation of my child's confidentiality.
I also have made arrangements for him to meet with a specialist regarding his behavior, so I hope this works out for him. The only help I've received from the school regarding my son's behavior is his teacher having a behavior chart, which hasn't been working or it he'll do well for a few days and then act out. Don't get me wrong, he does have more good days than bad ones, but it's just the bad ones that I hear the most about. And of course, they all say that he's such a bright student, very smart for his age. So, other than that I get NO HELP from his school.

[benjimom]

Have they had a behavioral specialist come in and observe your child and see if they can come up with any plans.  Also, the principal shoudl NEVER mention a child's name to someone, that is confidential, she could poss. say what happened, but not mention a name.   I would talk to her about this or perhaps go to teh school district office and mention this.  Perhaps you did not want this family member to know what your son did, etc.  Who knows who else she has told if she so casually mentions the name.  

Sounds like he was still angry with the other child and she got into the middle of it and then he cont. to be upset and went after the principal. This is a hard situation.  

My son has been having issues with this lately too, he has hit the educational spec. a couple of times.  No injury luckily, but we are working on it at home and we are talking daily about emotions and controlling things. I think he understands.  It is just at the time I think he loses control.  

[specialmom]

Hm.  I think  you will have to get to the bottom on your son's behavior problems, to be honest.  I think in the course of that you can mention confidentiality-----  as that IS inappropriate to mention names of a child with issues but it will not help you to get angry at the school.  More importantly, it will not help your son.  Why do you think he is acting out and becoming so aggressive?  You'll have to uncover the root cause.  It is difficult but really the only way to solve the problem.  You'll need to work with the school and you should take a team approach to helping your son.  good luck