My 6 year old son has wetted the bed ever since he was potty trained. Some nights he doesnt do it, and he never does it when he spends the night at my moms house. She wakes him up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and he doesnt give her any problems. When I do it, it's a struggle. So I cut back his drinks in the evening, but he sneaks water. He does this by saying that he has to use the bathroom, and I trust him, and he obiviously drinks water. I would punish him for wetting the bed, but then he would hide his wet underwear anywhere he could in his room. You can imagine how this made his room smell. So instead of punishing him for wetting the bed, I would punish him for hiding his wet underwear. This is only half of the problem.
Recently he started relieving himself on my furniture, and in his room on the floor. 3 days ago we were all outside playing with our new puppy, and he came in to use the bathroom. But instead of going to the toliet he peed on the couch which is about 15 feet away from the bathroom. He didnt even try to hide this! So I grounded him to his room for 3 days with out TV. During these 3 days, he peed all over his toys in his bedroom closet. When I ask him why he did this, all he can tell me is that he doesn't know.
I'm getting to my wits end with this situation. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of his room always smelling like pee, and I don't want him to 14 years old and still have this problem.
i just dont understand why he would be in a power struggle with me. my older son didnt do this with me. not only is he doing this, but he is lieing to me about everything, and constantly wanting to get everyone else in trouble.
I didn't mean a power struggle that he is even conscious of- if you ask him about anything like that he will have no idea what you mean------and I could be wrong too....like teens with anorexia is usually subconsciously something they can control- eating or NOT eating- you see? Some things like pooping and urinating in odd places, CAN BE control issues because the child can control it usually-and you cannot........your other child very probably had different things going on in his life that made him react differently and two children that are blood related can be as different as night and day---- and we all deal with things in different ways/ all this could be accidents- keep that in mind PLEASE- this is a body part he can manipulate and no one else can- maybe it is just a silly phase. The doctor will know.
I am one of those moms that spanked for disobedience and disrespect- not beatings of course- I made the decision talked to my son, then followed thru then hugged them.... I usually used a light bedroom slipper- maybe 3 good swats- that sort of thing- never left a mark----Some people hate spanking. For some reason I never EVER wanted to use it in conjunction with toilet issues, and I think we shouldn't- it can too easily be in the end that potty issues are found not to be intentional, real accidents - no matter how much mom is convinced it is done on purpose- you know your child so much better than we do though. Try to stay within the realm of natural consequences- and always try to keep your cool- the adults have to especially when we think our kiddos are horrid. ;-)
children are so different- even 2 boys from the same set of parents......
I knew a lady that had 2 boys 2 years apart- one boy was so strong willed and fought her on seemingly every single issue he could until he was 14. The younger child was easy going and never ONCE talked back, told mom how much he loved her EVERY DAY, was self-disciplined, and respectful and obedient at all times.
You did let him out of his room to pee during those 3 days he was grounded- didn't you? Surely you did-
Three days is a bit much to be in solitary confinement, unless he was just restricted and was allowed to come out of his room often. I can tell how frustrated you are.
The things about these forums is- we don't know everything you know and you know your child better than anyone- so if you were to guess- would it be a behavior issue or a physical one? That is still a possibility I guess- diabetes- but honey- the physician will test for that and the psychologist will have good ideas for you to try.
Until you can get in for a psych exam try this- try to show very little reaction if in fact he is just getting negative attention and that is making him happy.
when you notice he has peed as much as you want to get upset and emotional- do not react in any way except this:
say"well I guess we have to clean that up. Give him soapy rag and tell him to get after it- He will nottttt do it perfect- don't fuss, don't yell. Tell him to scrub and then you two wash up- the next time he wants to go to the park or "whatever" fun thing was planned- tell him there isn't enough time because we had to clean your mess. If he gets a little better but not perfect - keep trying it----- he is just learning natural consequences to his behavior. He may test you and see if you keep it up- don't compromise what you have done by giving up and stopping the consequence. But no need for you to get emotional over it although I know it is driving you crazy- ok?
these other behaviors-
Tell me does he lie to you every week or 10 times a day or ????
Getting others in trouble- give me an example.....
I meant to write control struggle. What you said makes since. It is the one thing that he can control, and I can not. I just dont get it though. He was grounded for peeing on the couch, and yes I did let him out to use the bathroom. So I dont know why he would intentionally pee in his closet on his own toys. He wasn't completely confined to his room. He shares a room with my youngest son who is 3. So he wasn't always alone, and he would come out to talk to me about things or to get other toys. The biggest problem that he had with the grounding was he wasn't able to watch TV. I use to spank, but it seemed to not get anywhere. So I started taking things that they like to do the most away from them when they are bad. It seems to make the most affect.
As far as the lieing thing, yes it is every day, close to 10 times a day. Just whenever something happens, and I ask him if it did happen I get lied to about it. The thing with this situation is that I can tell so easily when he is lieing. And he knows this! I recently told him since he wants to lie to me so much, I can't trust him. I told him that I'm not going to believe anything he tells me until I feel that I can trust him. I exlpained what trust means, and how you earn it. So hopefully that will start to work. I am starting to think that he is testing me and at the same time trying to get attention. You see, he was the baby until he was 4 yrs old. Then his attention has been going elsewhere since then. Not saying that I dont give him any attention, but not enough in his eyes. So it could be a jealousy thing.
As far as getting his brothers into trouble, he comes and tells on one of the other boys for doing something bad. When he was right there doing the same thing. And when I find this out, and I ask him if it's true I get lied to. Or he will tell one of the other boys to do something that he knows isn't allowed and then run and tell on them.
Some of these behaviors are annoying but even though it's unacceptable its not anything he can't outgrow.
from this angle I see a lot of behaviors going on- they are annoying you and you are reacting- adults do this but it is not best to REACT and especially not to overreact- it is best of course to be proactive- let me explain
Parents have to play psychologist and stay cool and nonemotional- are we human? sure, and it's so hard to be a mom that keeps track of everything and disciplines and feed our kiddos good meals, keep an orderly home, get them to lessons and school on time and raise them to be responsible adults- You are overwhelmed- I know because you said this:
"And he knows this! I recently told him since he wants to lie to me so much, I can't trust him. I told him that I'm not going to believe anything he tells me until I feel that I can trust him."
in my opinion that is how moms react emotionally- instead of rationally- it teaches kiddos to react back and it is usually negative-
Some of this is good response- but I think it is also somewhat negative and way over his head---now here I am sitting at a computer telling you what to try and how your child should act and how you should respond because I have some experience- but you have to try something right? and I am just giving you ideas to try from month to month.
He will not be perfect but lets try to work on one thing at a time here- the tattling/ since in your mind, it goes hand in hand with the lies- I think I know where this is coming from/ it is not acceptable, but it happens in lots of families with siblings.
He has found out when he is disciplined it is not fun- the lying part is just plain and simple- he knows if he tells that he did it too he will get disciplined- human nature- he doesn't want to get in trouble too.
when he come to you and says- 'brother or neighbor child threw sand at me'- you will stop what you are doing and get down close to him and ask kindly every time ask this:
"are you hurt?"
if he is hurt you can deal with it with mom's common sense: clean the blood and get on with disciplining brother.....
a tattler usually wants one thing til they find it doesn't work any more and that is for the other person to get in trouble...... why? because he got in trouble when he did it in the past-
this will take a lot of time at first and you will not like doing it but it should eventually get a lot better.
if he is not hurt- without any emotion whatsoever on your part---"Let's go talk to brother"
tell your tattler son HE has to talk to his brother- all our wise parenting is to get our children to the point where they are ultimately rational, caring adults- yes?
He is not learning to be passive and get his feelings hurt by others but to learn to handle all this on his own-
teach HIM to say this in stern way - not nasty but like he really means it-
" Bubba I don't like it when you throw sand at me" whatever happens after that is between them to talk out- either bubba will say you did it too- but all their feelings are getting voiced and validated. After a few weeks of going thru this they will see you are not the one to handle these little scenarios- you will learn to ask- "are you hurt?" when the answer is no- you will say- basically 'I taught you how to handle this and you have to talk it out yourself.' For awhile when you start this, imagine that you are not a parent and these are two children you are not related to- you will stay calmer and unemotional this way- it can all be "matter of fact"
Tattling almost always decreases when you use this formula.
I guess a good motto to help you will be- Will this matter 10 years from now?
If it will- deal with it- if not- like the peeing business does matter!!!! be firm and follow thru with threats/consequences (like cleaning it himself)- /Every Time/ on things that are serious- your kiddos will learn you mean for them to behave. Blow off the little stuff and let them learn to keep you out of the little stuff.
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