My son will be 7 in dec...we have been having a continuous problem with his behavior since kindergarden...now in 1st grade the past couple of months everyday he's talking, roaming the classroom, refusing to do his work, throwing objects, and putting his hands on others...he is consumed to his room almost everyday...no tv, no outside or inside playtime, i've taken halloween from him, and i've told him if he keeps it up he's going to lose his b-day and x-mas next...it still is not working...i try to talk to him but its always an i dont know answer to everything...he won't open up to me...i've taken into consideration that he might be having issuses now with never getting to meet his real father (which died while i was pregnant with my 6-year-old) but he's had a postitive male figure in his life since he was 3 (which he calls daddy)...i just had his brother 6 months ago but i don't treat him any different then before my infant was born...i still tell him i love him everyday, I give him hugs & kisses, read to him, and try to do things with him by myself but that doesn't work...i did have him tested for ADHD last year and he's borderline...the school came up with a plan for him but he's still having problems everyday...please help...thanks
I have learned that in many cases with young kids, if the punishment is not working (and it has been fair and consistent punishment), then you need to look at other methods. Several things are going on here.
First, there is very little you can do at home in terms of punishment that will change his behavior at school. He is too young for that kind of cause and effect. Maybe by third grade. Certainly not now. In other words he can't mentally link the punishment at home to what he is doing at school. Problems at school need to be dealt with by his teacher so that the effect is immediate. If anything you are making things worse by making school his only outlet. He needs to get home and be able to let it out. What you can do at home is to try and make sure he models the expected behavior at school - at home. In other words, if he throws things, puts his hands on things at home then you deal with that immediately (don't go overboard. be nice. use reminders, etc. Behavior doesn't change overnight.)
Second, he is way too young to make threats about his birthday, X-mas, or even Halloween. Repeat after me "at this age, cause and effect must be immediate!" The children do not have the capability to understand long term effects.
Third. He is young - very young for his grade level. If he had been born a few weeks later he would have been in Kindergarten now (where he probably belongs). I bet he is the youngest child in the class and possibly by several months. I would really look at retention or moving him back to K. now.
You need to read up on ADHD to understand what it is. If he has ADHD then you are doing almost everything wrong with how you are dealing with him. If he is just too young, then you still are punishing him the wrong way.
I am glad that the school came up with a plan for your son. But ADHD is not like a cold that once treated will go away. It will be there all his life. You need to understand how it works. More importantly, you need to communicate with his teacher. She should have told you that what you are doing at home is making the matter worse not better. Did the school put him in special ed or start a 504 plan? Or did they just say we will work with him?
And yes, having a new little brother does make a difference. It takes up more of your time and he is aware of that.
I am really glad you wrote. The way you currently describe the situation makes me think it will only get worse.
So what to do. First talk with the school psyc and enlist their help. Second, if you can afford it - find a good child psyc to work with both you and your child. Third (and most importantly) start researching ADHD and how to work with kids that have it.
The classic recommended book is "Driven to Distraction" by Hallowell.
This was from an earlier post - "Hi- I also have a son with ADhD and is Bi-polar as well. THe one best thing I did for him was buy, read and implement the techniques in 2 books. The first was, "How to reach and teach ADD ADhD kids." The second was, "The ADD/ ADhD Answer book." Both of those books are filled with things that help our kind of children" I have not read these books, but they should be helpful.
Realize that it is also possible that his age maybe his biggest problem. Kids don't test well in Kindergarten. "borderline ADHD" is kind of new to me. typically, ya got it or ya don't. If the school did the testing, I would ask for a retest. You really need to know what is going on. You also might try reading some of the posts on the ADHD forum. You will get some good ideas and realize you are not alone. Please feel free to write if you have more questions. I am kind of surprised some of are other members haven't chimed in with some of their great ideas. Good luck !!!
I join Sandman2 in all his comments, especially about school behavior management happening at school......As well as "punishment not working" comment
My son has "behavioral" problems primarily at school, but not at home so much (he has sensory difficulties and gets overwhelmed in noisy environments). It is a hard thing to deal with because his teachers do not understand (and I think do not beleive) that he is easy to manage at home. Because he is having meltdowns at school.
504 plan or behavior management with clear goals and strategies outlined puts you all on the same page.
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