My 7 year old has aggresive(aggressive) and angry tantrums...

My daugher is 7 years old and has always been a very demanding child at home. When she is at school or anywhere else but home is the best child. She does not act out. She is the perfect most respectful child at school but at home she has a hard time being respectful. About two times a month she will have these tantrums when she doesnt get her way where she will hit me, kick me, scream in my face. She will even hit my husband. We try to put her in her room to calm down and she kicks her door and throws all of her stuff all over her room. She screams that she hates me. We have tried everything we know of to help her deal with these angry outbursts. We have tried taking privledges away from her, we have tried getting her to calm down when we can tell one of her tantrums is coming on. She goes from she can go from happy to extermely angry in about 60 seconds. Her excuse for the way she acts she says "I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and you dont let me" It makes me so sad to see her so angry and not know how to deal with it.  She really is a good child she just has this anger that she does not know how to deal with. What should we do for her?

[margypops]

Sometimes it works to walk in a childs shoes , see what is going on in her head, what happens prior to the tantrums,as she is good at school something triggers her behavior at home, has she got any siblings ,as friction there can be the cause.Before she has a tantrum is there any way you can accomodate her request, it does sound like a child/parent interaction difficulty. It very often works with children if you give them choices not demands...Do you want to brush your teeth now or after your Bath, instead of 'Brush your teeth now' which will inevitably be met with a 'No'  Avois the tantrum in the first place, distraction works well, it sounds as if the tantrum starts with you then Dad comes into the picture and takes over. Nip it in the Bud before this happens.Good Luck

[chela123]

I just joined  afew hours ago... and your little girl sounds exactly like my little boy. I have very much the same issues. My little boy hasn't gotton to the hitting me(yet). I wonder if it is a stage that they go through. Although mine started quite a few years ago and it has gotton worse. I wish I had some advice for you, all I can think of is just try everything.Something has to work sooner or later...I fell your pain

[Moonshadow0302]

I just joined because I feel like crying. My daughter goes wild with her tantrums, throwing things around and talking back. I know she has a problem with her younger brother and is extremely jealous of him, but I have told her many times over that I love her as much as I love him. It seems to make no difference to her. Even if i hug him she comes running and pushes him away.

[memadeb]

The same is happening with my grandson who will be 7 in Oct my heart is hurting so bad for him ...........my daughter has no patience, drinks and takes antidepressants my grandson hits, gets mad, upset very easy, cries very easy like he is trying to be tough and cant OMG this poor child ............both parents drink my daughter seeks counsel for her impatience but I dont believe she tells the counselor about all the drink she does the parents have joint custody w/my daughter as primary their both losers  and I cant do nothing our justice system *****.......................

[smitsy]

Your daughter sounds exactly like my son who likes everything his way! We both need help i sometimes cant stand him especially when he hits me

[1datatatime]

When I read your post I felt like I was reading about my son. I just dealt with a tantrum earlier that was started by the frustration of homework. Second grade has been a real tough adjustment this year. I hate homework time. After he calms down he understands that his behavior was unacceptable but I am tired of the psychology and have tried everything but nothing works. We are considering a behavioral therapist to help with his anger outburst. Our children need to learn how to deal with their anger otherwise I fear for the future. It's funny my son throws these tantrums and outburst when after he calms down and does his homework he completes his homework in 10 minutes with no trouble. I just don't understand.......

[choll574]

I totally feel you.  My daughter is 6 and the exact same way.  She just started hitting and shoving us a couple of weeks ago.  It started with screaming and refusing to go to time out and has quickly gotten worse.  She has started hitting her younger 4 yr. old brother when we step out of the room.  Last weekend she kicked him in the face and left a bruise.  I am scared to leave them alone together out of fear of what might happen. Her father thinks that spanking her more will correct the problem.  I strongly disagree.  I feel that there is something really wrong.  Other times she is the sweetest, prettiest, smartest little girl.  I have been calling different child pyschologist all morning and have yet to get one to call me back.  I'm so worried about what's wrong.