My 7 year old is driving me crazy..please help.

[Hdjaejordan]

I dont know why my son acts this way ,He is so hateful,and agressive towards me ,my typical day consists of haveing to drag him out of the bed to get ready for school,he runs from me ,hides in closets ,bc he doesnt want to go to school,whining and yelling at me  the whole time ,"Im not going to school today ,unless you check me out early ,I wont do any work,Im not brusing my teeth,hair puting my shoes on  ,etc.

Then the second I pick him up from school it starts again(Today for instance)I ordered him a playstation 2 ,and he asked if it had come in yet , when I said no , he starts whining ,and yelling , you said it was coming today !!!,you lied to me!! ,I am not going to school tomorrow !!!!

then when its homework time ,It literally takes me an hour of fighting ,and sreaming with him to get him to finish one page his work,he does not care about anything .
latley he has started mocking me when I tell him to do something ,he will not do anything I ask him to do ,just getting him to take a bath at night , when he wants to go out and play is an extremly difficult task.I got a letter from his teacher today saying tha t she needs to talk to me about his work ,and when I was opening the note ,he jerked it away from me , and told me that his teacher was stupid , and that He was going to break the phone so I couldnt call her .He is failing bc he wont study or pay attention to his lessons,he is a genius in math , so he has an A in that ,but everything else is not good .
I find myself "walking on eggshells" to keep my CHILD from getting angry with me .I feel like such a failure.I tried to give him allowence to reward his good behavior,and I told him I would give  him $5.00 a week..He say NO WAY ,only if you give me $20.00!!..which ,I hate to say that I gave in to,and that didnt work either .After a fight I had with him yesterday , he came to me and said "Mom you knwo what you deserve ? I said what sweetie? he said " for me to be sweet to you " I almost cried .So I know he wants to do better.He used to be (and still is sometimes ) the sweetest ,most kind hearted child I have ever known.But he just seems so angey,and when I ask him,"whats wrong?" he says Well I dont like you bc you make me go to school,bed ,I cant stay up late at night ,...etcIts like he hates me for trying to be a good parent .whenever he wants to go somewhere Like to my moms to spend the night ,and shes not home ,or has to work etc ,he gets mad at ME ,and yells at me ,for something I cannot help.
He is NOt like this with anyone else ,if he stays the night with my mom or something , he does everything thsts expected of him ...Just as sweet and he can be .I have been stern,and stuck to my guns ,so to speak,and he just fights harder,and I cant take the stress .Sometimes I let him have his way just bc I cant take anymore.Please help me .

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

You certainly have your hands full, and you need some guidance in managing your son's behavior. While it must be difficult at times for you to see that he behaves better with others, it is a positive sign that he does so. That is, it indicates that the problem is in the parent/child interaction, and you can get some help for that. Arrange an appointment with a child behavioral health clinician. That person can evaluate the situation and develop a plan for intervention. You should not tryto remedy this by yourself - you need some ongoing professional help. Also, and you likely know this already, you must not surrender to the temptation to give in to your son when he opposes you. Such a response will only encourage his coercive behavior.

[Meg_happymom]

Raising kids is not always easy (I, too, have a seven year old boy) and I understand some of the frustration you must be feeling.  I think the reason your son behaves this way is because you allow him to behave this way without any consequences.  Children need rules/guidelines and they need parents to enforce them.  Now, every child is different and I can only speak from my own personal experiences, but my boys are much happier when I don’t let them get away with everything.  If my son would demand a $20 allowance after I told him I would give him $5, you’d better believe he wouldn’t be getting ANY $ that week.  And that playstation would be put on hold until I could see a change in his attitude.  NEVER reward bad behaviour.  This may seem harsh to some, but my boys have learned (and are still learning) that good choices equal good consequences, bad choices bad consequences—and THEY get to decide which choice to make.  I tell ‘em it’s up to them.  The flip side of the coin is to ALWAYS reward good behaviour.  (Praise them, tell them how proud you are of them and how much you appreciate what they’re doing.)

You mentioned letting him have his way because you can’t take the stress.  Well, that’s WHY he fights you so hard… he KNOWS he’s gonna get his way if just fights hard enough.  I’m learning that in order to discipline my kids, I must first discipline myself—by being patient and by being more stubborn than what they are.  (And yes, this is HARD work!)  My seven year old is currently restricted from playing his game cube.  He was playing with his brother the other day and when I told them that it was now time to turn it off, he threw a temper tantrum.  The INSTANT he started screaming I grounded him for a whole week.  Do I enjoy doing stuff like that?  No.  But I know that it’s GOOD for him, and I know that being a good parent sometimes means putting your foot down.  (And once my foot is down it ain’t moving!)  Just today my eight year old asked if he could play the game cube and I told him he could.  From the living room my seven year old piped up cheerfully, “but not me, mom, right?  I’m grounded!”  Not only was he reminding ME about his restriction, he sounded downright happy about it. LOL

My boys THRIVE on praise and encouragement, and I’ve found that if I’m consistent in both areas (discipline and praise) I get positive results, and our relationship is that much better.  That’s not to say I never struggle, or that my kids are perfect (far from it!) but this is what works for me, and I simply felt the need to share.

[cheeps]

In all these replys, I see nothing about addressing why he doesn't like school. Obviously his problem is there...what is going on at school? Was he like this last year in school? Sara

[siren of the sea]

i have an 8 year old boy. last year he was in 2nd grade and it was the hardest year. its a rough time for boys i think, but it does sound like you need to put your foot down more. i know its hard and it takes lots of patience but when we reward them (like not taking away things we say we will) then they learn that they can conrtol the situation. i explained to my son when he got mad at me that i love him but i have to teach him to be responsible and that means doing schoolwork and listening to me when i tell him something. is his father around? what does dad do when he acts like this? maybe he should sit down with him and let him know its not acceptable behavior to talk to you this way. hang in there its hard at times. very hard. but i tell you the difference in this year as compared to last year is amazing. and its true that they crave guidance and boundaries. the more we have and he knows what is expected he tries more and more to be cooperative. also try not to reward with playstations or gifts of money. its better to reward them with your time. going to the park or playing a game or you reading a book of his choice. i used to use the gifts too but then he felt he needed something everytime he did what was expected of him.

[Hdjaejordan]

I have asked him what happens at school , why doesnt he like it etc....All I get is " I dont like to do work , and I am not going to do it .I dont have to do it bc its stupid , and I am NOT going to school if you say I have to do work ,I will break my pencil, etc.He has always been like this ,homework,and studying is such a headache,He didnt bring any of his study materials ,spelling words etc home this week until yesterday,and he had a test on them today ,this being only the second week of school , I had no idea to be looking for spelling words ,there was no note or anything.

Last year I had to go to special meetings with teachers bc he wouldnt try , and they say he has an " I dont care attitude"

[cheeps]

If he hates school, there is a reason. What did the teachers last year say? I think you need to get help figuring out why he hates school. You say he's smart....is he reading yet? Does he like anything about school? Something has turned him off. If you be honest with yourself and find a therapist that works with kids with school problems or understands homeschooling or you yourself re-examine what happened since Kindergarten. He may have Dyslexia or learning problems and feels like an idiot in school because he feels stupid. How many teachers did you talk to last year? Do not use the school for testing; take him elsewhere. Look in your area for a therapist that specializes in Learning Disorder. Have you had his eyes checked? Can he see everything? I guess we need to know what you have and haven't done....Sara

[Hdjaejordan]

well I worked together with his teacher ,the principal, and their counselors.They made a plan for him that if he finished his work etc,that he got rewarded.They have eye exams every year at the school.You mentioned dyslexia...I have thought about that because ,sometimes he writes his numbers backwards..like if he needs to write 30..he will write 03..but thats only happened a few times .He reads well...but not as well as he should because he refuses to do it .When he first started to read ,he had alot of interest because he was so proud of himself ,but now he just has no interest .
He does tell me all the time " Mom I will forget all the answers to my test ,I wont remember anything ..He has alot of anxiety about tests , but he only has them once a week ,not everyday .On the way home from school  today ,He said to me , I want my Playstation,and I said not until you can act better ,his resopnse was "I will be good if you give it to me , but not until you do .

[Hdjaejordan]

I failed to mention , when he was 4 I took him to a psychologist for testing ,and she said he scored average on the tests because he simply refused to do certain things ....

[D99G03]

I have a 3 Yr. girl and 7 yr. boy ... I am also a home daycare provider.  Please do not take this on the offense but I do agree that he behaves this way because you allow it.  My kids would walk all over me if I let them but they know I mean business when I give an ultimatum after warning twice.  Honestly, one big mistake that I have learned that parents make is follow through.  I do not threaten anything that I am not prepared to do.  For example, the ole' "if you can't behave then we are going to leave" is not going to be effective if you never leave anywhere when your child wants to have fun etc. etc.  My kids know that if I say your going to your room, you are going to your room even if I have to drag you ... and it seems in your case again and again until he gets it.  Also, another hting that popeed out at me is the fact that you ordered him a Playstation 2, which it sounds like he clearly does not deserve.  He's getting a mixed message that he can behave like that and still get rewarded.  Maybe start with that.  Make it a "goal" for him.  Start small, after 3, 5, 7, 10 (whatever) days of good behavior he can play it ... but as soon as you see him acting direspectful it goes??  Take everything he has and make him earn stuff back, you'll be surprised how fast that'll work.  

Anyway, easy for me to say, I know.  But truly the big thing here is consistency.  Once you start a discipline routine you can "tweak it" as needed, but do not look back.  You are not mean and in the end your child will be a better person and believe it or not still love you!!  Also, do not beat yourself up.  Mothering is a very hard job and we all do the best we know how.  I also agree getting some help for him and maybe some classes on discipline for you could be a big help here.  The fact that you are admitting there is a problem is a great first step and proves that you love your son and want you both to be happy.  No child is untrainable, especially at 7 ... stay diligent and it will pay off.  Take Care.

[D99G03]

By the way, I just read your post ... and I think we took the same Mommy classes!!!  You Go Girl!!

[Meg_happymom]

Yeah, I believe we did. ;)  Here’s hoping they’ll pave the way for those teenage years ahead. LOL

[who_is_this]

All these are very insightful comments, but please go back and look at the forum moderators professional recommendations.  Please seek help dealing with your son.  His behavior is will only deteriorate as he gets older if you don't, and possibly involve more dangerous activities.

[lucylocket2]

I have a nine year old and a ten year old. My kids were driving me insane, same thing you are talking about. When I got to the point where I cried all the time, because I thought I had failed as a mother, I realized something - I AM THE MOTHER AND THEY ARE THE CHILDREN!!! I put food on the table, I wash their clothes , I clean up after them, I do everything!! I had had enuff! I deserved the one thing I wasn't getting RESPECT ! My way of changing my kids some people may look at it as "wrong", but it worked. I looked at it as nobody knew my kids the way I did. So, a doctor couldn't tell me what I should do because it worked on "some" kids. I turned hard - I let them know I was upset with them and I wan't going to put up with it anymore. When they sassed, I told then whem dirty things came out of their mouths, we had to wash the bad out. I put a bar of soap in their mouth. Some people use pepper. When they didn't want ot go to school I had to just over power them, I didn't say a word. I was the bigger person. When you argue back that's what they want. I just picked them up and put their clothes on. I don't know your religous beleifs, but I told them about heaven and hell and if they wanted to go to heaven they had to go by the ten commandments. Honer thy mother and father. They weren't doing that. Yes, it scared them. I also drove them by the local orphanage. I showed them how lucky they were to have a mom. when they started I told them that they acted like they didn't want a mom and if they wanted to go live at the orphanage. You better do something drastic now, he won't be seven for ever. what will you do when he's older? I took all extra things away(like a playstation 2) when i gotthe respest I deserved they got one thing back. I said why would I buy you  stuff to reward your bad attitude? Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

[ticked]

maybe he is discouraged in school, dislexic is what i think.

[ehoberg]

Get family counseling.