My 8 Year old son can't make friends in class...

[Tryclopss]

My son has been a late bloomer.  He has ADHD and takes medication for school only and I am suspecting some Asperger like behaviours. This has effected his speech and feel he is just a tad behind then kids his own age in terms of communication. He's extremely clever he has an elephant memory, most advance in reading from his peers.  The problem is he goes to a french school in a english City and the kids he grew up in grade 2 have now moved on to Grade 3 in his class and he does not want to become friends with any of them.  Everytime I ask, he says kids are mean when I say why he tells me he doesn't know they are just mean. Thank god he has one friend there a year younger then him that he plays with but if the class has group work to do or gym he tends to be on his own. He goes to a milti-cultural school and he is a bi-racial child. Most of the boys in his class are Somalian and he get's a sense because he is not Black that he doesn't belong.

I know he can be hard to be understood, he has been obssed with sharks for the past three years he has encyclopedia in regards to subject he is a human shark encyclopedia he knows their  name ect... And when he plays he tend to want to just do that.  I had to work a lot to explain to him to try new things and this year I notice he wants to play tag and other games little by little when I would take him to play at the park.  What can I do or say so my son feels comfortable to make friends in his class?

[karen717]

It sounds as if he is slowly making progress. That's great! I am a teacher. Last school year, I had a child suspected of Asperger. He was a walking encyclopedia of whales! All he read were non-fiction books and comprehended those very well. He had trouble comprehending fiction, though. He had trouble making friends at school as well. It wasn't that the other children were mean to him, he just isolated himself. Socialization problems are part of Aspergers. This child (4th grade) was slowly coming around toward the end of the school year. He even had a girlfriend! WOW. It takes time. This child socialized outside of the school setting a little better than in school. He played organized sports on teams. And YES they are very smart. I encouraged this child to socialize more, but he had to do it at his own pace. He rarely even hugged his mother. He didn't like to be very close. I eventually even got hugs from him on about a weekly basis. I believe it just takes lots of continuous encouragement for everyone.  It is difficult, I'm sure, to watch your child not making friends. Is he happy? That's what matters. Are others truely being mean to him or is this his impression? If there is a situation, it should be dealt with. Does his teacher witness anyone being mean to him? Keep up the encouragement and support and try not to worry too much.
Karen

[Tryclopss]

Oh my gosh this child you mention is exactly like my son. He ALWAYS did things at his own pace. From potty to walking to talking to social aspect.  I don't have him enrol in any outside activities last year and was thinking this is the year to do it.  Which I have a feeling will help him a whole lot.  I think kids are being not mean but may misunderstand him and in turn he gets the impression of the kids are meaning mean to him.  

When I talk to his teacher last year they said they didn't notice the kids being mean to him but at the same token and i believe it my son was not making any effort of trying to make friends in his class.  Almost like he is ok with that.  He has his best friend  at school who is currently in grade 2 and he is So empathetic that when I tell him to make friends in the class he was crying to me and said he didn't want to hurt his best friends feeling by making more buddies.  IT was the sweeting thing I ever witness.  But I think with kids like my son it's hard to comprehend you can have a BBF but still play with other kids as well.  Again it's the whole social confusion Asperger people go through I believe.  

He is happy however always has been.  Extremely loving always kisses his Mommy and Daddy and now baby sister so your right he made such progress and I am so proud of him for that.  I think in time he will come around as long as we continue to openly communicate with one another as we do.