My 8 year has behavior issues and wets the bed

I have concerns about my 8 year old stepson.  His parents divorced 3 1/2 years ago.  His mother was having an affair with his fathers best friend and left to be with him.  They are now married and just had a child together.  He does remember that his stepdad was his dads best friends but doesn't talk much about it. His father and I have been married for a year and have 50% physical custody.  He still wets the bed at night and although we have offered rewards and he is embarrassed to let other kids know about it, he doesn't try or seem to have interest in stopping.  Lately he wants to do nothing except play video games for hours and will wet his pants rather than pause a game to go to the bathroom.  He is physically violent toward his brothers and our property.  He back talks constantly and has a rude comments or rolls his eyes when talked to about his behavior.  He does not mind me but will mind his father who is more strict.  A couple of months into this school year he began staying inside to help his teacher at recess and goes straight into school in the morning rather than playing with other kids.  He is one of the bigger boys in his class and is more often the bully than not.  He is extremely ungrateful for gifts or experiences that are given to him. As the stepmother I feel like there is nothing I can do because neither his father or mother believe in counseling.  His dad does have concerns but seems to think that the problem is that he is not getting enough attention (he gets more attention than most kids I've seen).  I think there is something psychological and would like to find help before its to late but don't know how to bring it up.  

[benjimom]

Yes, it sounds like he could use help. I'm more concerned about his laziness to go to the bathroom when he plays videogames over the night time wetting.  That sounds odd.  You can keep mentioning the cousneling, but I think until Dad comes on board, it is going to be tough and you don't want to overstep your boundaries, but if he is being destructive to your home, etc... then it is affecting everyone.  How does he do wit the teacher, obviously, he';s a good helper.  That';s odd for a bully.