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My 8 year old will not wipe properly after using the toilet
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My 8 year old will not wipe properly after using the toilet

is it normal for 8 year old girls not to clean after going to the toilet?
My 8 year old will not wipe properly and her pants smell every day, I have tried to explain that if the children in school notice the smell she will be called names.
I have tried everything I can think of, chastising, smacking, putting sanitary towels in her pants, punishing her even telling her that if she is dirty she does not go to her friends party. Hoping this would work, nothing works.
If I stand in the bathroom with her, she will clean so much, why won't she do this if I am not standing there?
I am so frustrated and at the end of my teether as she was such a clean little toddler.
What can I do?
Is it normal?
My 6 year old daughter is very clean but does have the odd day where she has dirty pants, I worry that she might go down the same route.
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19 Comments Post a Comment
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535822_tn?1389452880
I think the punishments for this are excessive, I would stop that immediatly, this is common ,perhaps get some wet wipes as they do help them clean themselves and are softer than toilet paper, if you are gentler in dealing with this you may find she will get used wiping properly by being too hard on her you could create anxiety about it.Dont stand in the bathroom with her, let her be incontrol of her body, be gentle ...
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Avatar_n_tn
These are all the things we have tried.
We have baby wipes and she is asked to use as many as possible to get her clean.
I never mentioned that when she has made an effort she is treated to whatever she wants.
I do not stNd over her everytime it has been once or twice to see off she actually knows what she is doing and she does.
I just wanted advice invade she has a medical problem .
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535822_tn?1389452880
...Perhaps speak to a doctor if you are concerned she has a problem .I think if you back off a bit she will be less anxious and may be able to help herself,this is just my opinion,
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Avatar_n_tn
Our 8 yr refuses to wipe after she goes to the bathroom.  She leaves poop in her underwear from it.  It is disguesting.  It has concerned me that a possible problem that this could be linked to is someone abusing the child. It is scary to think of and we have talked to our child a lot I suggest you talk to your daughter about appropriate people like you and her doctor being able to see where her bathing suit covers just to cover your tracts.  I think that we have tried everything you have from asking her if she has wiped every time she exits, softer toilet paper, wipes, punishment, making her purchas new underwear with her own money everything. It does not work.  This is my step daughter so I think its even grosser to me because i never imagined an 8 yr old would regress back to baby stages.  We have a 7 month old son and I would think it might have to do wtih him and his attention however, it really started before he even was born I think.  It was early in 2010 and he was born in April there was so much going on that I think we thought she would get over it with proper attention and she never has I am so concerned that she is going to get someone in the house sick.  I have taken my temprapedic mattress out of her room because I dont want it getting poop on it.  We can have a conversation about wiping and why its important for her health and our health and kids at school dont want to be her friends cause she smells and 2 minutes later she goes potty and DOES NOT WIPE! I know your frustration and if you have found anything that works PLEASE let me know
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Avatar_n_tn
I am going through the same thing.  I decided to get online to search answers today.  My 8 year son is going through this.  I have talked to him, taken away the video games, spanked him, told him the kids aren't going to want to play with him..  I am just at my witts end with this.  I don't understand.  He stinks and sometimes it is HORRIBLE!!  Just this morning, when I was looking for a shirt for him I found a pair of dirty underwear in his dresser..  it is beyond disguisting and now all of his clothes smell.  I want to help him with this, and not hurt his feelings in the process, but I truly don't understand why he would want to walk around with poop in his underpants.   Today, I told him I was going to make him stay behind a grade in school, because he is just not ready to go on if he can't even wipe himself after going to the bathroom.  I packed up all of his video games to put away.  I told him if he did this again he was going to lose them for good, and yet, he continues to do it, or more so NOT do it...  I am nervous that I  am over reacting to this situation, but then again not..  I think I have approached this every way possible... what can I do???
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, please do not humiliate your child like this (suggesting he stay back in school, etc.).  Perhaps your son is constipated and having problems.  

I really don't think kids desire to not wipe well or have stains in their underwear.  

I would make this more positive and safe emotionally for him.  Show him how to do it.  Talk about if he is having any trouble going, if it hurts at all or if it feels like some is still there, make sure he's leaving enough time to go so that it isn't happening on the front end, etc.  And then set up a reward type of sitation.  Approach it like i want to help you ----  not like you are an awful kid that I'm furious and disappointed with.  good luck
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7388967_tn?1390497025
I don't know if you really understand these situations.  You are outside looking in... I have the exact same problem with my 7 (soon to be 8) yr daughter. We've encouraged her, explained to her the importance of proper hygiene, provide the wet wipes, repeatedly showed her the correct way to use the paper, rewarded her for doing it right and also forced her to wash out her own panties as a last resort.  NOTHING WORKS!
This is more than an embarrassment to her; its not HEALTHY. We are all just trying to figure out WHY our children are doing this (or not) and HOW to help them.  Leaving them alone doesn't work. I would love a simple answer - but haven't found one.
So unless you REALLY understand, be careful criticizing parents who are at their wits ends trying to train their children.  Holding a child back because they aren't "emotionally" prepared to move up with their piers is not a punishment - its a harsh reality.  No child is allowed into kindergarten if they are not potty trained...  the similar principle applies to a 7/8 yr desiring to move up to 3rd grade. It intended to be a positive motivator...  Do you have any better ideas?
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973741_tn?1342346373
I offered advice not to humiliate a child and to that I stand by what I said.  

I don't think holding a child back is a positive motivator.  Spanking, shaming, humiliating, etc. is not positive parenting.

Rather, an encouraging approach with a reward system would be more appealing.  What does the child say is the issue for not wiping properly?  

I understand very much what it is like to parent a child with various challenges.  
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Avatar_m_tn
   Gotta agree with specialmom here.  Threatening to hold a child back at this age (or for that matter any age) is not going to work.   You use rewards or immediate, consistent behavioral reinforcement.   The problem with pooping problems is that it is very hard to have immediate reinforcement because the problem is not noticed till later.
    What can possibly work is a fairly strictly held schedule of toilet sitting accompanied with rewards.
     However, if this is happening at school.  Then the teacher has to be involved.  And I have seen many situations where the child had problems because they were afraid to use the restrooms at recess times.
    And in this case, as the parent has hopefully learned the punishments have not worked - what now?  
    In the first place it may not be due to poor wiping, but rather to actually having an accident in his underwear.  Which I think is much more likely.
    Also there are several good medical reasons - besides being scared to use the bathroom or being too lazy or having ADHD - for the child having this problem.   And what a shame if it is a medical problem and the child is being punished for it.
     This is a link to an article on functional fecal retention that might prove helpful.    http://www.practicalgastro.com/pdf/November02/LoeningBauckeArticle.pdf
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Avatar_m_tn
   No, you really have not approached this from "every way possible".
Do you know if it is really a wiping problem or a pooping in underwear problem?  Do you know when it is happening?   At school or at home?
Have you talked to your pediatrician about this?  And definitely check out the link I posted in my last sentence in my prior post.
   We have had many posts on this forum about pooping problems and the information given by specialmom and myself is the result of dealing with these problems.   I do remember there was one in particular that was very helpful.  I will go back and try to find it.
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Avatar_m_tn
    Found the post I mentioned.  Its  http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/need-help/show/2074350#post_9827614
    Look for the one by AnnieBrook Jan 09
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Avatar_m_tn
I am having simular issue with my 7 year old daughter not wiping after using the restroom.  I would love if someone out there has advise on what I SHOULD do to make some head way with this.  I will say my daughter hasn't regressed but has never really wiped.  I have spoken to her doctor about this issue several times to have him discuss the health issues with not wiping.  I KNOW she does not wipe at home or school and the reason is she doesn't want to miss out on anything.  I have tried making her use more time by going back wiping and changing her panties to show there isn't time saving by not wiping. Nothing is working what do I do?
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973741_tn?1342346373
have you tried a reward system?
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